He is shutting me out again!!

[HJP1990]

I got back with my ex in may and things were going great!!! We were having a great time together but the last 3 weeks he has been avoiding me at all costs... He got hooked on playing poker online and that is all he does... When I would go and spend time with him he would be on the computer playing poker and totally ignoring me... He has had a gambling problem in the past and that is one reason we broke up before... Just last night I asked him if he wanted to do anything today because I have the day off and he said No... I don't understand how he can go from being loving to being a jerk.... I am mad at him but also worried too, what should I do?? I love him and don't want to lose him but I can't live like this either...

[SuperDave71]

You just answered your own question....He has a problem. If you do nothing to help him or he doesn't help himself..how do expect anything to change?

 

 

 

He has to help himself FIRST. You cannot do anything unless he WANTS help. I would leave him alone because you sweetheart are not a toy to be pulled out of the toybox when HE is ready to play.

 

 

-Do yourself a favor and go find your backbone. You are worth so much more than online poker.

 

 

 

Keep your chin up ok?

 

 

 

-Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[smallworld]

HJP, One of the most difficult things in life is to be in love with someone who's an addict of any sort. As much as they may love you, they'll always compulsively love their addiction more, because it dysfunctionally feeds their needs for escapism, excitement, and self-esteem.

 

You have every right to be mad, worried, and confused. Deep down you must know that he's never going to change unless he gets up and really wants to. So the real question is knowing that, "What do you want to do?"

 

I know of a family with a serious gambling addict. It wasn't until I ready Dostoyevsky's The Gambler that I fully understood how such a nice, intelligent guy could selfishly neglect and financially destroy his own family. Hopefully it'll help you understand your guy better and decide for yourself if he's really worth the gamble.

 

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[BillyJean714]

SuperDave has a good point, you aren't a toy that he can just mess around with. He can't take you for granted. If he's going to take you seriously, then he should also consider his actions. What it sounds like to me is, you're being patient, and all he's doing is thinking about himself.

 

Why did the break up have to occur in the first place? Has he made any efforts to change, or at least woo you like he did in the beginning when you both met? If he's not making any effort, and takes the lazy approach and expects yourself to "fix" your own problems and neglects your emotions, then he's not woth being with. It's not fair for you to sit around and 'hope' that things will get better. He has to realize what he has in front of him, otherwise, like SuperDave says, you will find better and he's not the last person on this planet. Good luck to you...

[Tigris]

It sounds to me like he's happy having this addiction. If this is the case then there's no way you can make him come to his senses!

 

He's hurting you and it's only going to get worse. I'm sorry but I think this relationship is not going to work.

 

You deserve someone who'll treat you better. I hope you find this person soon.

 

Good luck and take care.