did i turn him gay??

[SaRaHmArIe8588]

Ok, so my first boyfriend(about 3 years ago) had never had a girlfriend before me and we had a pretty harsh break up. i cheated on him and it broke his heart. hes never had a gf since(which i hope isnt because of me). about a year ago we started speaking again and have become very close friends. last night he took me out to dinner because he said he had to tell me something important. he told me he was gay. i was shocked..i never EVER saw that coming, but i was very accepting because hes my best friend and all and that doesnt change a thing between us. what im worried about is..could i be the reason that hes gay? could i have turned him gay? i was his first and last girl friend..did i scare him away from girls or am i just overreacting here???

 

*SaraH*

[melrich]

You are over-reacting.

[MetallicAguy]

You could of drained him emotionally really bad when you broke up so he probably decided he could never love a girl again...which is weird. A guy at my school went gay because he asked out like all the girls he knew and they ALL said no....but he was desperate lol and needs a life.

[breeze33]

I don't think you did. He probably had those feelings but never realized it or had the courage to act upon them. I think when you cheated on him, it may have hurt his ego but it didn't turn him gay. Being gay is a sexual preference and when you're young as you and your ex are, you don't know what you want.

[Pash]

i dunno... if my gf did that i know i wouldn make myself completely blocked off for a very long time...i doubt it though that you turned him gay. but i could see how that could happen.

[millaj]

You couldn't possibly have "turned" him gay. Being gay is something that just is, it's not something that someone can turn you.

 

Think of it like this.. most guys when they get hurt by a girl, they hide it emotionally and put a wall up, then they sleep around with a bunch of other girls for the time being.

 

He's just gay, and it's nice that you are there for him, stay his friend, it wasn't you don't worry

[Jinx]

Like said, You don't just Turn gay in an overnight stress phenomena.

 

It was most likely the feelings were there, but he hadn't yet recognized them or wanted to. There are gay men I know, most of which have had one or several gf's before they decided they weren't the gender of interest and moved onward whether the past breakups were rough or smooth.

 

thereforeeee, the thoughts and feelings existed, but he either chose to ignore, deny, or experiement with them before making a decision on his true preference and what would bring the real relationship happiness into his life.

[ItHurts]

I'm pretty sure that he probably already had an attraction for the same-sex but he just finally accepted the fact that he's gay. You can't be turned gay or straight.

[Angelus]

Quite frankly don't support homosexuality but that's something up for much debate if someone can be turned straight or gay. That's weird though I guess you'll just have to be there for him and support him as he explores his new role.

[nothingontheinside]

okay, uhh, MetallicAguy, your post kind of made me angry. i am a firm believer in the fac that one can not "go gay" no matter how much they wanted to. attraction is something that you just, have, not something you can develop just because you feel sorry for yourself. think about it.

[m0nday]

Metalllicaguy's post started to make me angry at first too, but then I realized he is only 15 and has a lot of growing up to do. Heck, I think when I was 15 I was starting on the football team, dating girls, and one of the most outspoken homophobes in my school... All the while wrestling with my sexuality. And ended up dropping football and coming out 2 years later. Anyway, no, as reiterated many times on this thread, you CANNOT turn someone gay, just as you can't turn someone straight. It definitely isn't a choice either. I would suspect your ex had been struggling with his sexuality for some time and his experience with you probably only aided in him finding himself, which is a totally good thing. I'm happy to hear you are being supportive of him. Accepting one's homosexuality in this society is one of the scariest most painful things to do and good supportive friendships are what make it livable.

[asdf]

it is possible, if he has some serious issues with women. he might not really be gay, but he might just not trust women as much as men with that kind of intimacy anymore, and maybe you were a last straw.

 

he could've been bisexual too.

[leicesterstreet]

People who are genuinely homosexual do not choose their sexual orientation, if this was the case, then I would "choose" to be straight, because frankly it would be a lot whole easier on a number of levels!

 

No doubt your friend has been gay for a long time, but for whatever reason has not acted on his sexuality. It's amazing what you can twist your mind to do . I myself attempted to have gf's when I was younger. I knew that I had sexual attraction/feelings for male friends, but I assumed it was simply because I felt "close" to them.

 

What your friend needs now is your friendship and support. Being gay is not easy, especially if he is trying to find a relationship - if he wants one that is.