Help with the Loneliness

[blueyes25]

Ok everyone - some thoughts on loneliness:

 

Feeling lonely is enough to want to make me go jump off a cliff - a tad melodramtic I know, but it is the feeling that I dislike the most...lol

 

The ironic part of loneliness is that I wouldn't be experiencing this had I not loved like I did. I was not lonely before him, and I will not be lonely once I get through this whole "healing" thing.

 

I have friends and I make myself go out and I am even working on making new friends. However, I still feel lonely. I could be in the middle of a group of people and then all of a sudden feel lonely. The worst is coming home from a great time and then feeling lonely. Constantly going through these highs and lows wears me out. However, I cannot control loneliness. Too much alone time drives me crazy and is enough to sink me into a bottomless pit of emotion. I know I need to feel this in order to heal, but I really dislike it. It is very uncomfortable.

 

I guess loneliness goes with missing someone...I still feel like there is something missing - and that piece is him. I guess loneliness makes you face the reality of the situation and the fact that they are not coming back.

 

When does the loneliness start to go away? Anyone have any insite to share about loneliness?

[loveydovey]

Well, I know exactly what you mean. Last time I went out with some friends to a Memorial Day party....and I mean it was FUN party. But the next morning I woke up feeling so empty and so lonely.

 

I've however, recently discovered that doing the things that years ago made me happy (such as dancing, writing poetry), brings me so much peace and fulfillment. So in the process of keeping my mind unoccupied on that special person missing from my life, I also do something that makes me happy

 

HTH!

[blueyes25]

Yep - the party thing you wrote about is exactly one of the things I am talking about...

 

and then there are the days I wake up - and the house is empty and everything is quiet - and then I get up and do whatever it is that needs to be done - and after all that is done, on the days I have no plans - I am left wandering aimlessly around the house - feeling sad and lonely and sick inside...sometimes I guess I just need to feel those things, but I have to stay it is absolutely awful.

 

I should be enjoying all of Saturday and Sunday - not just the parts where my mind and time is occupied...no fun at all

[CarterJonas]

What you are describing is perfectly normal. It will take time to readjust. Just have plans to look forward to, even if it is only going to the gym.

[Bobby101]

blueyes,

 

I know what you're going through. My gf packed up her stuff and left about a month ago. I was there when she was moving her clothes and things out and I guess loneliness hit me BIG time then.

 

I dont even look in the empty drawers in my house now !

 

First 3 weeks were hell, I'm only starting to get used to the idea. Try and stay positive and like other posts, keep busy and always look forward.

 

I have many friends and a very supportive family but I still felt lonely. It is like part of you is missing.

 

Sounds like you put alot into loving this person and that always hurts more when its taken away. The way I see it though, there's no point in not putting your whole heart into loving someone.

 

I am starting to enjoy my own company and this is slowly making up for losing my girlfriend and inturn making me feel less lonely.

 

take care

[Bounder]

I agree Blueeyes,

 

I was at a museum with a friend yesterday, totally into this exhibit on Pompeii, they had plaster models of the bodies they found, in the same position they died in, and it was so moving, that honestly you just feel so much compassion for these people who died thousands of years ago. And even then, I found myself turning to say something as if my ex was, wanting to grab her hand and squeeze it like I used to when we saw sad stuff, to remind her that we were so lucky to be alive and be together, and she wasnt there and I almost cried.

 

Luckily my friend was there and I shared some of my thoughts on the exhibit, but still, the loneliness stuck. Its not fair to the people around me who are trying to help, and its not fair to me, but it happens regardless.

 

I too find myself wandering the house aimlessly during the day (as an MA student working on my thesis I have lots of moments of writers block where I can just vegetate) and reminiscing about places we made love, how I made her dinner, how I would watch her sleep while I worked, and usually abandoned it to join her.

 

I could be in bar with friends, having a great time and have it ripped away, wondering what she is doing and feeling alone.

 

It is hard, I can only hope that time heals.

[blueyes25]

Hi Guys!

 

Thank you all for the encouragement...I do enjoy my own company, but I get tired of my own company b/c I feel so crappy all the time...LOL

 

Doug, I understand why you won't open your empty drawers - I won't empty drawer in my closet either. To be quite honest, I didn't even like being in my bed or in my room right after all this happened. I changed things around a bit and slowly became OK with my own space after awhile.

 

Bounder - I feel the pain you feel and felt the pain you felt. This is so new for you...you need to celebrate your 1 month as itis almost here. You need to take yourself out and pat yourself on the back b/c you made it throug the first month...this means you will make it through the second!!

 

I am glad I am not the only one wanderig aimlessly around the house...I hate those times b/c they make me feel so low and when I am out, sometimes it is hard to be happy when my mind drifts to what he is doing and if at all somewhere, he is possibly feeling the same pain...

 

and then I keep going b/c that is all any of us can do!

 

Bounder, I do not know if you read my message about link removed - but I am serious - it is entertaining! u should check it out.

 

Thanx again guys! If anyone has anything else to add, please do - the more support the better

 

Blue

[heartshout]

i am going through the same thing too ... its been 4 months since my gf broke up with me for somebody else ... i tried my best to keep myself busy with a lot of stuff but there is that deep sense of loneliness in me ... almost everyday ... i know that we have to go through this like what Blueyes as we go through the healing part ...

 

i agree that it really sucks when the loneliness is there ... even when i am partying out with my friends ...

 

i hope that one day this will all be alright ...

 

I wish you folks the best in this journey ...

[jenny_mcs]

Hey all-

 

This is my first post here, I found this forum b/c I am trying to come to grips with my own break-up (3 weeks ago), and lonliness is a big problem for me too.

 

The feeling of coming home from a party where you had a lot of fun, or even just dinner or a movie with a friend, and getting slammed with the feeling of lonliness is something I am dealing with too.

 

OK, I do one of two things and here they are (these might be corny but they are helping me):

 

1) Movies: I joined Netflix, and filled my queue up with "light" movies that totally take my mind off of things- comedies, mysteries, actions movies, etc. I always have a few movies lying around, and I can pop one in and be distracted for a few hours. It is sooo nice to just follow the plot of some silly movie for a few hours and get away from all your problems.

 

2) Meditate: A friend of mine gave me a book about meditation, and although I was skeptical at first, it is really starting to help. The thing about meditation is that you are training your mind to not dwell in the past or the future (2 things that can totally suck if you are going through a breakup). When I start to feel the panicky, stomach clenching emotions that we are all familiar with, I try to meditate for a few minutes, and I find it usually helps get me out of my immediate slump so I can move on to something else.

 

Good luck to everyone, I hope we can all move through this and come out on the other side.

[Bounder]

Great suggestions, stick around, we need more people like you!

[jenny_mcs]

Bounder, I also wanted to say that your example of being at the museum exhibit, and how you 2 used to squeeze each others hands to remind yourselves how lucky you were to have each other really struck a chord with me. I know exactly what you mean. So much sadness that you come in contact with is easier to bear when you have a partner that you love and who loves you back.

 

My same friend who gave me the meditation book (it's an older woman I work with who is very into spiritual stuff) told me that I should try, when I am feeling the most sorry for myself, to do something kind for someone. This morning at work I was in tears at my PC, pretending to read e-mail, but really falling apart. So, I took her advice and e-mailed my mom and told her how much I appeciated her shoulder to cry on during this time, and how much it meant to me. I did feel a little better I sent it, and my mom's reply really brightened my day.

 

It's like taking all the love we used to lavish on our partners and sending it out to others who will appreciate it. It's a small help during these horrible times, but I think I am going to try to keep doing it.

[Bounder]

Yes! I have been doing that on a more instinctive level, reviving old frienships, getting back into charity work, but its not the same as before....maybe thats why it ended, I lost myself somewhere along the way as well.

[CassieL45]

I knwo exactly how you feel. I know I'm young but I promise I can be taken seriously so don't be fooled by my age. The day after my boyfriend dumped me my friend took me out shopping and to get our nails done to try to get me out of the house. It was fun and I was able to pretend to forget about him, but I knew as soon as I got home and got into bed I would start crying. And I did. Lonliness is tha absolute worst. I've been having problems with friendships which makes it worse because he was my best friend and I just want to be able to talk to him and I can't. My only advice is to get as much sleep as you can. This might sound dumb but to me it is the best way to try and make the time go by, while at the same time resting your mind and not thinking about him. It has seemed to help me some. Maybe I'm just being stupid though.

[Bounder]

Im sleeping like 13 hours a day, but with my career, you cant do that forevr!

[blueyes25]

Hi everyone!

 

I just went through all the posts and I am so happy to hear that others are struggling like I am...I went out tonight and had a fabulous time, but the truth is that nothing fills the emptiness in my heart - the loneliness...

 

I have to go to bed soon - and I just feel....I feel melancholy and down - blue...sad - lonely - hollow

 

Maybe tomorrow will be better...

 

Hope everyone of you out there is doing ok!

 

Thank you all for posting - we need each other right now...this site helps sooo much!

 

Blue

 

P.S. Bounder, I hope you are ok - hit me up on IM tomorrow if you need to chat, OK?