Permanently Scarred???

[heloladies21]

Friends, I value your advice so please if you could help. I was in a very intense relationship (at least from my end) until the end of last year when she lost interest and broke it off. I was serious about her ie. wife material and very hurt by the break up, but went through the healing process and got over her by June or so.

 

Now my concern, I can't seem to keep a girl's interest for longer than a week. I hit on a lot of girls and hook up and all that, but things always fizzle out real quick. I know i've met some girls who would make great girlfriends, but it seems like a conversation eventually happens which gets kinda weird and then no more contact. I think I might be unwillingly sabotaging these situations and i'd like to be able to stop it because it's starting to make me frustrated with myself. I always blame myself for screwing things up again.

 

Also I think there's a part of me which doesn't want to let anyone in so close again. This isn't the first heartbreak i've had to deal with, but I feel different this time. Like having a wife and family and all that is something I don't see for myself anymore. I don't know if this is such a good thing. Everything else in my life is just great, but these concerns are taking a toll on me. Anyone have any advice or experience?

[melrich]

Also I think there's a part of me which doesn't want to let anyone in so close again

 

This may have something to do with it. Possibly you are giving off signals without even knowing it that a relationship with you is going to be all too hard. Women have great intuition for what is commonly called baggage.

[Lokey]

I hope this helps- coming from a girl and all, but take it easy. You may not be ready for a relationship right now. Just hang out with these girls, and if you can't think of anything to talk about say whatever is on your mind. Even if you think its weird. The girl might be humored or it might spark a really good conversation. Oh, one more thing, make sure you ask questions about her. Most of the time when I meet a man he loves to talk about himself and I end up feeling that he should date himself and not me. Wish you luck!

[itsmenicole]

If it was that serious of a relationship and/or you were together a while it will take a long time to get over. You think you are over it, but you're not. It took me 3 years to get over a divorce. I wasn't in love with him anymore and I didn't want to be with him anymore but it's still disheartening. Like Lokey said, just focus on having a good time. Don't stress about trying to get into deep conversations with these girls. Just have a good time. Think of them as one of the guys. Or better yet, hang out with the guys instead. Give it more time. It will take you falling in love again to realize you really are over that person and what you want is still out there waiting on you.

[benevolent]

I think all the rampant dating and hooking up with girls combined with the lack of desire to get close is what is causing you to feel this way. As great as they may be, I think in the end they just devalue any and all in regards to serious committed relationships.

 

To me it sounds like you are not ready for a commitment, no surprise since you have been hurt a good number of times. No shame in that though - you've gotta just heal. While dating is a great distraction for you at the moment, I think you still gotta get back to 100%. Personally, I think the desire to want to have another serious relationship will come again.