I need help :(

[strawberry]

Hi everyone,

I feel weird for posting this, but all of my friends live in OH so I had no one else to turn to sniff...and I found this site online.

Ok, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. In the beginning things were great. (but he was abroad in France) so there was really no telling how they would be if he had been in Oh. When he was abroad, I caught him cheating on me when he returned. I felt betrayed and mad that I gave him a whole year of pain and missing him while he was away.

Time has passed, last year we got along fine, great actually! But then we moved here to NYC for the summer. Living together has been really hard for both of us. We fight over the dumbest things and I know I'm mean over dumb things. The problems seem to be growing b/c I have to go finish school in a few weeks. At first I wanted him to come back to OH w/ me, but then I realized it was not fair to him. I want him to do what he loves, but at the same time he seems unhappy either way.

I feel like hes having doubts about our realtionship, and I wish he would just talk to me about it, I mean we're supposed to be best friends.

I have the occasional doubt too, but I dont know how to handle it. The one thing I'm sure about is that I love him. I love him so much, but I dont know if thats enough. I want to be happy, but at the same time I want him to be happy and be able to talk to me. He never can. Today I practically begged him and I felt like there was a part of him missing. I just stared into his eyes hoping for a response that would take me in some direction, but it seemed to uncertain.

I dont know what to do anymore. I want to be w/ him, but I also feel like it shouldnt be this much work to get him to open up to me. What should I do?

[arwen]

Hey strawberry,

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

Your situation seems very difficult at the time, you trying to make things better but feeling like he doesn't respond at the same time.

 

I have no experience in actually living together, so I don't know if this is possible for you. My idea has always been that a little bit of distance can really help gaining a different and better perspective on situations like these. Would it be possible for you to go away for a long weekend, maybe to visit friends in OH?

 

When you are living together, communication can get more difficult I think. Because there is little alone-space, which I think you both need to figure things out.

 

I hope this helps,

 

Ilse.

[precious_babae]

Not communicating is definitely a big deal if you intend on having a strong bond. I think that you should explain to him how you feel. Tell him how inside you are wondering how he's feeling and it really bothers you that he can't express himself clearly. Explain that you won't be mad by whatever he has to say, because maybe since you two are fighting over petty stuff he thinks that you'll be upset by his feelings. Let him know that you need to know because you need a direction leadway onto what is to become of you two. It seems like you two are missing the key factor in a relationship. I suggest if he can't give you some type of leadway, you need to give him some time. And explain that you are going to leave for a week because you think he needs some time to think over what he feels and wants out of what you two have. Explain that he is not giving you any advice onto how to make things better and without it, you two as a couple will never survive. Weigh out the outcomes of your guys' relationship and see if maybe you are pushing too hard, maybe be calm and nonchalantly mention something while u two are just cuddling on the couch. Maybe approach it differently then you have in the past, you never know what might come out of it. Obviously what you are doing now isn't working, try something new! I wish you the best of luck! =)