dating a guy in the public eye, 11 years older

[K1985]

I'm a 21 year old cosmetology student, and a few months ago I finished working on the set of a movie at one of the makeup artists. One of the guys in the movie, I'll call him X, came onto me from day 1. I was really attracted to him, but I didn't go out on a date with him until about a month into working on set. We got along great though. It's been 6 months now, and he's trying to keep the relationship private. He's 32, almost 33, but we connect really well. The thing is, my parents, and his publicist, all think the age gap is too big and this can be bad for his image. There's also message boards about him, and my curiosity got the best of me.... so I checked a few of them out. A lot of people want to know who he's dating, some threatening messages about whoever his girlfriend is, people posing as friends/family of him. It's all just overwhelming, and he's also cheated on past girlfriends. I just feel like the connection is real, but I don't know how to deal with all this. Should I just break up with him? I also have friends who tell me he's just going out with me for my looks, etc. But I don't get that vibe from him

[Caterina]

Hollywood people are notorious for not having commitments. You are probably very sexually attracted to him. Its very hard to think rationally when that happens, no matter what people tell you. There are a lot of problems with dating him...maybe you should think of the priorities that you care about before you do...like, can you handle the pressure of being hated by some women in teh public eye and what not? Plus, people will say you are a gold digger likely, and also that he is using you for your youth and beauty....

[annie24]

Hi and welcome to eNotalone. I don't think that the age gap is a really big deal. I'm sure you know lots of 21 year old guys who act like 11 year old, and plenty of 21 year old guys who are mature beyond their years.

 

However, since he is in the public eye, that brings up a whole lotta stuff. Like you said, all of his "groupies" and people posing as friends/family/whatever. Ignore them. Don't go to those message boards.

 

Be discreet about your relationship. Don't become just another Hollywood cliche about the leading man and his "flavor of the month" girlfriend. If you two really do connect as well as you say you do, his publicist will learn to deal.

 

Just stay classy, ignore the rumors, enjoy your time with this guy. Enjoy each other's company. Good luck!!!

[K1985]

thanks for the replies.

And anyone who knows me knows I'm not the gold digger type at all. I've always been the 'shy and nice' type. But I know with him being in the public eye people will automatically assume I am. He's not really A-list famous, but famous enough that paparazzi follow him when he's out, and I've been photographed with him a few times. Honestly, it scares me, because it's so different.... like I just moved out to LA last year from a small town in Ohio. I just got curious and checked out what people say about him because I had a Livejournal and a Myspace, so I was always on message board type websites. I don't really go on them anymore though, but it freaks me out when I see threatening messages by some people.

 

Caterina - yeah we're both sexually attracted to eachother. I'm a virgin though, and he respects that and always tells me he's not pressuring me into anything. The thing I'm worried about most though, is that he cheated on a past girlfriend, he's also been married, and he has a child. So everyone I'm close with tells me he'll do it again, and to find someone at college closer to my age. I think all the guys at college are too immature, or at least most of the ones I've encountered.

 

I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. I know I shouldn't take the message boards seriously, I just tend to be a little paranoid at times

[annie24]

hehehe.... yeah.... I don't know why dating college boys would be any "better" than dating an older guy with some baggage (ex, kid, fame). Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not anti-college guys or younger guys or whatever, it's just... I think it's a ridiculous thing to say, "go date a 22 year old frat boy." I think that this man you're currently with has an exciting life (probably), and has a lot of life experience and there are probably lots of things you can learn from him. Sure, yeah... you could date a college boy, but I don't see how you could grow and learn more from that relationship than with this man.

 

Just because he cheated before doesn't mean that he'll cheat again. But, you know what he's done in the past, so it's good to keep it in mind. But, if he's being a good boyfriend otherwise, give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

I don't think I could ever deal with dating a famous actor. It seems like there would be a lot of temptation in that lifestyle. You know... parties... beautiful actresses everywhere... the publicist wants him to date this person and not that person.... blah blah blah. No wonder so many hollywood marriages break up after like, 2 years.

 

The most important thing is how you two treat each other. Is he respectful towards you? Does he call you regularly when he is out of town? Do you feel like he's being honest towards you and is being faithful?

 

Age isn't anything but a number. My mom was 13 years younger than my dad and they had a very happy marriage. (My dad has died since).

 

Just keep doing what you're doing, if it's working for you. Listen to your heart and use your head. good luck!

[thewriterslife]

Ahhh...Hollywood. Well, the thing is, as bad as this sounds, is that actors, whatever, have to keep up their image. Look at Paula Abdul and all that controversy that was started when she was allegedly dating one of the American Idols. That's an example of what can happen when the press get hold of a story like that. This star's publicist has to protect her/his star and will do anything in her/his power to make sure nothing leaks out into the press that is negative. Your dilemma is not a new one; it happens all the time. Sometimes you hear about it, other times you don't. I'm not sure what to tell you, sweetie, only that if the love is strong enough, it will happen and it won't make a bit of difference whether the press finds out or not. It just depends on how strong he feels about his "image." Some people are hard to break out of that mold, especially if there's lots of money at stake.