Please help me, I'm so depressed.

[ILoveChocolate]

I need help please

Two weeks ago, her and I, we were doing wonderful. Everything worked out great and we loved each other. Then she started school last week. She went on this two day orientation retreat to meet other fellow students. When she left, I called and left a message wishing her well and hope for her to be safe.

She gets back the next day, doesnt call me until 2 am. And I got it out of her that she was walking the downtown street, eating desert and going to a new friend's apt to chat till 2. The friend happened to be a guy.

I was so hurt and scared as to waht happened in our relationship. Later on the week, she admitted to have felt "flattered that some people that were this popular" would have given her attention. To me, it makes perfect sense. She's beautiful, intelligent, clever and adorable. Those guys should feel fortunate to be in her presense. She said that she always studied in the past and people "like that" dont usually associate with her.

I was so devasted. She's the first girl that I met who never cared about the whole popularity crap. I guess I was wrong. Anyways, I've tried everything that I could, but all week, I ve lost sleep, hunger, I walk around with no motivation to continue life. The one thing in life that I love so much, might be done with me. She had a long distance relationship before, and a couple of days ago, during one of our little arguments, she said that she doesn't to drag things along like she did with her last relationship. Is it over? Is it really over? Did she basically told me, thats it?

I still hold out hope. She says that right now, being in a new environment, meeting new people and the work load, have all taken a toll on her and she needs a little time to get some sort of rhythm down. I perfectly agree. What do you guys think i should tell her? What should I do? I am so lonely, sad, and upset at myself. I don't know what to do and everything, this is slowly eating at me.

[lifeiscash]

You are putting WAY to much emphasis on this girl. Stop being insecure about losing her and understand that its HER loss if she leaves.. not the other way around. Depression is a choice.. unless you have some sort of chemical imbalance.. so choose to think differently.

[brando]

lifeiscash is right, sounds lke your placing your happiness and life into this one girl. She isnt worht it...

 

Do the same...start dating other girls, or talking with them and hanging out with them. It will help you get back on your feet. Nothing serious nothing heavy, just meet new girls and guys... keep living like she is... try not to let this stop your life. Give her the space she wants and take your own space.

 

Live for you , not her.

[iloveamarine]

Is this your freshman year of college. I hate to break it to you, but you were her comfort zone back home as a boyfriend. Now that she is starting to leave this zone and new people are excepting her she is going to start to grow as a person. In college this means dating new people and going through new things that you will not be apart of. Your best bet is to do what the others said. Start your own life. If you two are meant to be then it will work out once you get past the akward first year of shool.

[Gophynna]

In my personal opinion, I think your girlfriend is just taking time to adjust to her new scenery. Right now she's probably just at a point where she's being swallowed into the experience of college. At first day college orientations, I believe everyone is friendly with EVERYBODY. Some people are entering a new school where none of their old friends might be. I think this is going to be a very big time for you and her growth wise. While the growth may or may not be with eachother, you are both definetely going to grow apart from eachother. Maybe after she gets over the excitement of being around new people and surroundings, she will remember the thing that's missing in here life at the moment--you.

[ILoveChocolate]

I would like to thank all who took the time to reply to my message. I am very grateful for that. Your words of advice are really to the point and helpful. It's just hard to do some of the things you guys have mentioned. To me, I believe that i'm put on earth to find someone and grow old with that person. To find that person as lovely as the first day that we step foot in a church together. Needless to say, I'm young and there's a chance that the person for me might be someone else. But, I've met many people, and the qualities in which I find valuable, such as charm, a kind heart, friendly, nice to animals, caring to family members, caring for others in neeed is present in this individual. From my point of view, my gf has not cheated on me and she's being very honest about what goes on around her and her feelings. Although her feelings might change about me in the future, there's nothing that I can ask from her more than to be honest and to spare me even more years of grief.

Deep down, just an intuition that I know many of you also feel about your love ones, we all just know who's perfect for us and how everything will work out. I just hope and pray that it's her.

[benworrdern]

I just registered especially to say I can empathise.

 

I'm currently in a similar situation - I'm really falling for a girl who isn't sure, simply because of a lack of 'chemistry'. If I'm honest, we're both pretty romantically naive and because of a few simple mistakes, it looks like we're heading for 'just being friends' territory.

 

It's truly crushing, but despite knowing things could have turned out so much better if we'd both taken slightly different actions, I, and by the sounds of it, you, have to learn to let go.

 

I'm absolutely not giving up, but as hard as it will be, I'll try and stay friends with her, with the hope that at some point in later life, we may have a second chance.

 

Love is a weird thing. If you really love her, let her go, but stay in contact. Keep within the boundaries of your friendhip, but let her know you're not going to suddenly change how you feel.

 

I've tried anything and everything, and that seems to be the only thing which helps. That's all I can say.

[ILoveChocolate]

Hey benworrden, thanks for the message. It's very helpful and it feels good when people actually take the time to read my troubles and offer words of advice. I thank you all.

 

I think my view of relationship is different than many people. Once the relationship is over, I have too much pride to talk to that person again. I would also save that person the trouble of feeling sorry for me. Additionally, that person would probably know that hanging out with me would just bring back old feelings and from her point of view (thats how my gf sees it), it allows post breakup to be less painful for the person that is dumped.

 

We haven't broken up yet and I get mixed messages from her which still terribly hurts me. I hope that everyone has a better luck with lond distance relationship than I do.

[katyintexas]

You are putting WAY to much emphasis on this girl. Stop being insecure about losing her and understand that its HER loss if she leaves.. not the other way around. Depression is a choice.. unless you have some sort of chemical imbalance.. so choose to think differently.

 

You are so right.