parents are strict about going out

[joe45]

ok llets say u live with ur folks college student-24 yrs asian guy old, and ur parents don't let u go out a night time-b/c they are strict-they want u to study-even in the daytime, but less wise in the daytime-as i can say i go to the library-6pm the library closes so i have no more excuses, they want u to study all day and night and even-weekends too. i live at home and yea they are strict

 

i kinda of want to ask this girl out, what do i do? one strategy was to tell the girl i work at night time a lot, and day times are free-except for the days i go to school, so pretty much saturday like afternoons.-tell folks i go to libary and for like 2 hrs hang out with the girl or so anymore excuses or anything

 

i don;t want to tell the girl-well ah my parents don't let me go out at night time-ah she'll think and laugh right hahhaha, yea and its unheard of. for some reason my parents are so strict-school and career is number one and they don;t care about anything else. friends or gf or sports they don;t even want me to have or participate, nothing just school school and all of it. what do i do. my parents are old school and old fashioned and are chinese immigrants-i was born in canada-most asian i talk to aren;t like this but mine. helpppppp. i pretty much have no life or social life-that what made me antisocial. never had gf or even hardly any friends

[SkyFire]

What kind of grades are you getting?

 

Youre 24 dude.. if your grades are good, talk to your parents reasonably about it. Be cool and calm. Explain to them that youre a grown man, and you want to have a social life.

[15yrsandnervous]

your 24.. maybe you should go flatting, that would give you some freedom and give you a good chance to meet some more people. If your confident your still going to be able to keep up with study away from home you should go for it.

[smallworld]

Hey Joe, I've been there. Mom and Dad are wrong in this case. I should know. My Chinese friends who obeyed their ultra strict parents are 30-40, highly successful, but lonely. They forgoed a social life during the best years to meet someone (college) and now their parents are wondering why they can't find anyone. The ones who rebelled are happily married. It's the law of supply and demand. Which do you want to be?

 

The short term answer is you gotta do, what you gotta do, but never lie to the girl. More than likely if you lie, you'll be found out and no one wants to be with someone they can't trust.

 

If a girl really likes you, she'll understand your circumstances, BUT it's all in how your "market" your situation. Don't say my parents won't let me out nights. Just tell her when you're free and ask her if she's available at that time. Personally I spent a lot of time at and "away" from the library as necessary.

 

The long term answer is to make as many friends as possible (both sexes) and become self-sufficient and move out. Good luck!

[joe45]

my markrs are like average has always been avg in college and in HS and elementary -never did great in school-it also depends on the subject-thats like wtih every student- easy subjects i get higher marks and harder subjects well i get lower marks-even if i study harder.

 

ah i have talked to my parents about this issue its like my way or highway kind of thinking. yea kind of like the miltary but with chinese parents no joke.

 

my sis gets pretty damn good marks and they are like that with her too-so marks doesn;t really matter.

 

i am thinkin of moving out but i need a good paying job first before i do it, right . if i move out its like i'm on my-no money for u, no nothing , my folks are old school and in chinese culture u don;t move out till ya marry. they would also give me a lot of crap for it too.

[smallworld]

Hey Joe, you're 24. You can stay and live by their rules or you can leave and live by your own. No one ever said it was easy, but every choice in life has a cost-benefit. You have to decide what you want more, a free ride with no life, or a life that's worth living. Your call. By the way, it's hard to give you cr#p when you're not living with them. And who knows they might actually start respecting you for going out on your own. That takes guts.

 

The easy, logical thing to do would be to hunker down and try to get out of school as fast as you can. The better the resume, the better the job. Get focused and get out.

[SkyFire]

You are 24. If they give you crap for moving out, so be it. It's your life not theirs. Maybe move into college dorms or find a room mate.

[cichlid]

Dude...employers look at more than just grades. You can tell your parents I told you that. Being an engineering major where grades are important, my engineering college also stresses getting involved in social activities to create contacts and show responsibility and leadership if you become a leader of that group or whatever. It shows you can work with people. Seriously man! Trust me you need to know people and be social and be involved. Oh, and of course my college stresses internships and stuff. Previous experiance also is what employers look at.

 

Dorms can cost quite a bit...and can be noisy. Apartments would be better...but get a roommate or two of course. It will help with the rent. If I were you I would have a serious talk with your parents. Seriously...it irritates me that they think that employers only look at grades. And also once you have a job and some experiance...grades don't matter anymore. Believe it or not, but most the time what you learn in college you will never use. Well...actually it depends on what you are studying. It somewhat prepares you for your job and pretty much shows that you can learn.

 

And the girl...don't lie to her. She'll figure it out quickly.

[joe45]

1 to 2 semester and i am finished-but as for job chances well i am very sketchy about it. i have finished a 1 yr IT certicate at a community college and couldn't get a job doing tech support work. tried everything-applying, this and that . its all about ur connections adn friends who get ur jobs-networking and who ya now-as i now no one and has no social life or now anyone

 

i am takin bus management diploma at a univ college don;t think i will go for a degree if i get a job-related and a satified job. are u sure what u learn u will never use on the job-elobrate

[cichlid]

What I've been told by many graduates is that I won't really use the knowlegde I gain in college that much. Like all that physic, calculus, and stuff like that, I won't really see again. I'll have computers do most the stuff I learned for me. You'll gain the most from actually working...I know that. That's how it is for me and with my major. Not saying that grades aren't important...they just won't matter after you gain some work experiance. I don't know how your major will be. But I know how it is with engineering.

 

If you are in tech support and you do need contacts. Tell that to your parents. Yes, it is important that you know people and have a social life. Not necessarily a party life...but you do need friends that are studying the same thing. Sorry I can't be too much more help. Right now I only know what my mentors and siblings who are also engineers have told me.

 

Is it too late for you to apply for an internship or a co-op and take a break from school? I know it looks good in resumes. Also another thing to look into is a book about how to get a job. link removed is an example.

[joe45]

ok lets say u tell her u work nights which u don;t -trying to find a job , and the only time ur free is the afternoons and u go out lets say every fri, or sat afternoons, eventually i was talking to a friend and she said ah no wouldn;t work b/c she'll suspect ur cheating. what do u guys think. and if she does how can i make it without suspecting. would it work for u as a guy or gal if the person u were dating only had the afternoons free- and said yea i work nights. would u go for it.

 

 

 

i knew a cousin who had a great job 40 yrd accountant chinese born canadian, old couln't find a gf and had to go back to china-farming place to find a wife and bring her back to canada. tell u the truth every family reunion every cousin brings along their SO while he never ever had one. i asked folks why he had to go back to china and they said b/c he couldn;t find a girl here so . reason why she's with him-better life no necessary for love.

 

i knew some guys that got crap job or a lower paying job than their gf and thier gf or wife made more money than him and they still together. no sure how they got together