OK, I found the reason why my conversations with people are

[workaholic]

shallow. Specifically, when I'm on a date and not much is said between us (which is BAD!!)

 

Whats the best technique to formulate advanced, deeper questions about someone or someone's activities, thoughts, or opinions. It seems that my questions are not as far-reaching or deep enough to help propel the conversation even further. Some people (like my co-workers at lunch time) are masters at asking questions that I wouldn't even thought of. And the thing is that I do listen intently to what people have to say.

I make sure to ask open-ended questions, but sometimes they are kinda simple. For example, I asked a question at lunch: What's the AFL-CIO? (don't laugh)

My co-worker who is knowledgable about unions explained to us in great detail. After that the conversation would've gone on to other things, but another co-worker asked the first one if he knew someone who was in SEIU, one of the major unions. The guy said yes, and went on to explain that his brother was..yadda yadda yadda.

 

I find that this is a problem with my socialization. People that I've known for years it is not a problem. But on dates, or other guys in class or at work..I can only think of the basic basic questions.

 

I would really, really look forward to your advice, expertise. Thanks

[MaxPayne19]

You dont necessarily have to always pressure yourself into thinking of good things to talk about. Just be yourself and be a little more humurous with the people you are having conversations with. It can help make them be more open with you and talk about fun stuff they have done before.

[jna35]

I agree with Max. You don't always need to pick in depth topics.

[DropToZero]

Well I dont know if you're planning on talking to just...people in general....or you're looking to define your skills with women. Either way...this isn't hard...the best way of course to learn, is like you said, you watch...but then you must also put it into action. If you're not a great conversationalist at first...so what, you're not...you'll get better with practice, it's how everyone gets better.

 

The easiest way tho, is to learn to watch for subject words in a sentence...remember your basic english classes? Every sentence has a subject, and you can practice this just by watching others and listening on conversations till you can think of your own questions. Look for the subject word in a sentence, then build off of that....ask questions that don't have YES or NO answers. Ask who, what, where, when, how, why....it'll get easier...you'll learn to think of questions simply...but don't forget to let the other person ask you some stuff too.

 

If you're wanting to get in depth conversations with women...don't try. I don't know if you're trying to flirt...or you really just want to get to know her and nothing else. Most flirtacious(is that a word heh) conversations can go on for hours and have absolutely NO meaning and you'll learn nothing about the other person....but then again, that's what's fun about it. It's okay to ask questions and learn about the other person(girl), but that's not ALL you want it to be or you'll bore her. You come accross as 'just a friend' b/c you're afraid to make any sort of moves on her by trying to flirt....you play it safe....and you more than likely won't get a date....so take a risk.

[dunno_wat_to_do]

yeah. like all of u guys said, all you can do is be yourself and just talk about wat u would talk about with m8s. the things you talk about dont always have to be good things. be yourself.

[Third Wheel]

Well, normally, I always try to keep a conversation going because I hate those evil awkward moments of silence.

 

Usually, I ask questions that I can answer myself as well. Like, "Did you see (insert movie title here)?" or "Have you ever been to (fun sounding place..)?"

 

Or, if you'd rather not ask any questions, you can just share different interesting anecdotes(sp?) about yourself. If I ever feel like there's going to be a lull in the conversation, I try to share something humorous yet misfortunate that happened to me. ("I tried making one of those Easy Mac & Cheese things, but I kinda dropped the bowl after I microwaved it") Usually, that gets a little sympathy from the other person, and the chance they'll share something with you.

 

Hmm...I hope I helped.