Feeling sad and angry

[Jetta]

Have you ever felt that no matter what you did you just couldn't get it right?

 

I got in a car accident last week so I don't even have a car now, well it's going to be repaired but I'm stuck at home for a while. At least the park is in walking distance.

 

I really don't know why everything is so challenging. My face is in the ground now and it's taking all I have to try to get back up.

 

They say when you're down you're supposed to list what you're grateful for. Well let's see. My daughter and son are physically healthy. My son seems happy and his behavior is improving, he says he's looking forward to his new school. My brother is going to get a friend to help me set up a website (because I asked). I suppose I should be happy I still have shelter, of course food, and clothing and I'm not as alone as I feel, but I want progress.

 

I want to get out of this house. I want to have a job or be making money as a realtor. I want to see that I'm progressing. I feel like I'm pushing pushing pushing and getting slammed by the tide.

 

Evenings really suck. It's my time to decompress from the day and well all the ickiness hits me. I'm just really sad. I try hard to remain hopeful, but I'm reaching a point that has me wanting to give up. I just wish something positive would happen. If I stay in the house any longer I will end up putting a gun to my head. I've already had a pregnancy scare. Yeah like he'd really leave me alone, he's never kept his word. Of course he wouldn't use a condom probably hoping I'd get pregnant and stay with him. I NEED MONEY to live! I don't care where it comes from.

 

Where is God anyway? I've always believed there was a higher power, but if that's the case why the hell is all my hope being crushed? I need a miracle and I need it NOW.

[jna35]

It's good that you can list some blessings! Are you happy with your job? Perhaps you should change careers and do something that brings you fulfillment.

 

As for God..... I believe that God is ALWAYS there. Sometimes we need to touch bottom before we can climb to the top. You are in a "depressive rut" right now, but keep plugging away. Don't give up, if not for yourself then for your kids. You are stronger than you think!!

 

Take it one day and one step at a time. Write out a list for the goals you wish to accomplish, both short-term and long-term. Work on them one at a time.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can. Have faith and hang in there!!

[Jetta]

JNA,

If I could get it to click for me yes I would love it. I really enjoy the various aspects of it. I can talk to people and not get in trouble! Big problem with my former job. I get to see different houses (fun because I pick up decorating ideas). Maybe eventually I'd actually earn some money rather than run up my credit card, but I do enjoy it. Besides I get to drive around and I LOVE DRIVING! Sure I hate filing out paperwork but eventually I can hire an assistant to do that part, and I'd just review it. I haven't gotten to that part yet anyway.

 

Oh there's lots to not like about it, like my super picky buyers that won't budge an inch and aren't happy that's it taking so long to find a house. I've asked them if they're willing to expand or bend on certain things, but really it comes down to they want 10K gold and I'm finding 14K gold. It's close but not quite right. It's good training though.

 

I love working. My problem is I need money and right now I don't have it. Even if they did put in an offer it's 3 months down the road before I'd actually get paid. So I really do need a regular job or a financial windfall of somesort because I have to live.

 

My now ex is also sabtaging my progress. I was planning to rent a car to meet them to sign the papers. Well he "forgot" to remove the carseat from his car, even though he knew full well what my plan was. He does little stuff like that all the time. He'll be home late from work when I have an appointment with a client (of all days to be late he picks those). It's just really wearing on me. I need to get away from him. I need money to do that thereforeeee I need a job that actually pays until I can turn this into a paying profession. Even then it's feast and famine and that is a big ick factor for me.

 

I just don't get why I haven't got a regular job yet. Normally I don't even really try. Now I have been trying and nothing. Well okay I have had calls but it's for really off the wall stuff that is also commission based. Not what I want right now. I want steady income.

 

Sorry this got long winded. But strangely I'm feeling better.

[jna35]

I'm glad you are feeling better. Sometimes it helps to vent. I wish you well with your real estate. A friend of mine got into it last summer and it took her a while to get things going too, so hang in there!! It sounds like the perfect job for you, but I can understand how hard it must be as well, especially with some of the picky people!! I do believe your perserverance pay off in the end.

[HajiMaji]

Man id give ya a hug if i could. Thats what ya need! Life sucks a lot of the time, weve all been through it too. Sooner or later things will start looking up, they always do. Its a crappy feeling right now though!

 

But youll get it just give it time and try and get some hugs from someone who cares about you!