Is there something wrong with me??

[Flora]

Alright...I moved downhere with my now ex. He moved out...I was lonely for quite some time...no friends..yada yada. Ended up dating a guy I work with. He is kind of a popular musican type in town and knows tons of people. So...while we were dating I met some people I thought seemed really cool and for the most part seemed to like me ok. We'd make plans hang out ...they'd call often. Well things didnt work out between me and the guy. Oh well...not a big deal for me anymore. Now these girls are kind of blowing me off and I'm taking all of this to heart. Everytime I call of email they don't respond. I'm starting to think I'm either a gigantic dork or I am coming off too needy. Then again I think back to some of the things they have said and done over the time I have known them and I'm not sure they are the kind of people I want to be friends with anyway. So...I'm wondering if they are blowing me off because I'm no longer "cool" because I'm not dating this guy or if it's because of some personal flaw that I've yet to uncover. I am pretty confident when I'm out and although things not working out between me and this guy kind of threw me for a loop for a few weeks (isnt that to be expected?) I don't see anything inherently wrong with the way I act or the person that I am that would turn these girls away from me. It's really jsut a big clique--this whole group of people asociated with the guy I dated, and I feel like an imposter everytime I try to hang out with these people now that we aren't seeing each other anymore. I don't think he is the kind of guy to talk loads of crap...we had a pretty civil break up. I just feel like the way they threw me to the curb is kind of immature. I am 26 years old for crying out loud. These girls (they are good friends by the way) are actually older then me yet they sometimes act like they are sitting at the cool kids table at lunch. I'm just sick of not meeting any true people and being forced to spend weekends alone.

[michelemybell]

Who knows why people act the way they do. They may have just been nice to you because you knew him---but they could've been jealous of you the whole time. Or maybe they do like you, but have things going on in their own lives or feel they dont know you that well. Dont take it personally!!!

It's hard to make true friends, but you want to look for quality, not quantity. As you mentioned, you had questions whether you could be friends with them. Stay clear of people that you question their morals, values or ethics, and don't bend just because you want friends. It doesn't work and you'll end up questioning yourself in the end.

And remember you are not alone---A lot of people, including myself, have the same problem making friends. Just get out there and meet people doing "healthy" activities (volunteer, sports, etc). If it doesn't work out, dont beat yourself up over it.

There is a book I highly recommend. It's called "Intimate Connections" by David Burns. The main premise of the book is that people will stay away from you if they sense you are needy for their friendship. If you develop interests and like yourself first, people will be more attracted to you and want to be friends with you. The lessons in the book are wonderful, but difficult because it first makes you practice doing things by yourself---and learn how to enjoy your own company.

[darkblue]

I don't think taking it personally will do any good. I don't believe it was personal. They have known this man longer than you and after the break up may have felt the need to choose .

 

things not working out between me and this guy kind of threw me for a loop for a few weeks (isnt that to be expected?)

 

Yes, of course it's to be expected, there is always a time for being down about the loss of a significant other.

 

 

 

I'm just sick of not meeting any true people and being forced to spend weekends alone.

 

You are still young. There are many people like you out there too. Get out and meet them. Don't worry about these other people. If they can do that, they were not true friends. You probably know they weren't the right people for you to be friends with either.

 

Get out and meet people who are true. Who will be there for you. There are many people your age, your circumstances in similiar positions.

 

Join clubs, do voulenteer work, go out to clubs/bars etc Meet people. Be yourself and be confident.