Should I leave or should I go...

[Mr. Sub]

It has been 4 months since the breakup with my ex-girlfriend. I was on my way to recovery because she has gone back with her long-term ex-boyfriend. We were together for almost 2 years, and we have spent some time off before she made the final decision.

 

I have been using NC for the majority of the time until last month we met up for a drink. Building up to our meet she has been trying to contact me and she knew I was recovering from the breakup. Since then we have went out a few more times before she realized she can't do this anymore.

 

She told me her feelings. She is together with her ex-boyfriend at the moment, but her heart is not with him. At the same time she misses me but she can't let go of her past. Her boyfriend agrees to let her pick again, but she is struggling to make up her mind. I see the opportunity but there is nothing I can do. She wants me to give her time, but can't promise me anything. I have been hurt, either way I will be hurt more again. What should I do? Someone, please give me advice.

[studygirl]

To me, it seems like she really needs time outside of any relationships to figure out where she is. I don't think it is fair for her to be bouncing back and forth between 2 guys who both want to be with her, when she really has no idea what she wants for herself. When is the last time she was not in a relationship? Why does she feel that she has to be with one of you right now?

[toad4466]

I split up with my ex of 7 years about 6 months ago, so I know the pain you feel. At the moment your ex is confused because of the breakup with you and her mixed up feelings. When people are confused they make mistakes and hurt a lot of people. She will continue this pattern until she is sorted, and if you keep seeing her it will get worse for you both. My advice is to let her go. Back off and give her time to sort her head out. It aint going to be easy as you have strong feelings, but if you back off you will heal as well. If she wants you then she will choose you. But in the meantime, think of yourself mate! If you need a chat Pm me by the way!

Ben

[suprema99]

There's something, by her saying 'I can't do this anymore' that is the problem. Either it's this guy that's shes currently with or she has some problems with you? I know though if my ex was with another guy, and I wanted her back I would have to try to move on. Unless she came crawling back on her knees with appologies, thinking it's all good to date other guys. What does that show on your part? She thinks you don't mind that or she really thinks it's over? Nc will not work if you want her back. She will choose who she wants to date obviously.

[DN]

My advice is to walk away and go no contact. It is usually a mistake to be with someone that undecided about who she wants to be with - it means she is not anywhere near on the same page as you relationship-wise and so even if you got back together the relationship would be too much out of balance to be healthy.

 

Find someone who loves you as much as you love her. And is unambivalent about her feelings.

[SadnConfused]

Gosh, man. You know I have been using this one A LOT tonight. I am serious. If you want the chance to possibly gain an edge with this girl go down to your local Barnes & Noble bookseller. Find the relationship section. Buy the book titled Love Tactics How to win the one you want. Fail proof. Period.

[SadnConfused]

This book tells you all of the angles. even the pessimistic ones that most people post on here. Usually the general consensus is NEVER TALK TO ANYONE EVER. Wrong thing to do unless you are abused....

[Mr. Sub]

It has been torture for me. Knowing that I have always been her 'backup' all alone. This is not the first time she has done this. This time really just opens my eyes and see through how she sees myself. She couldn't hide her feelings toward me, but there is this part of her past that she doesn't want to let go. She finally wrote me an email saying I shouldn't spend anymore time on her because she doesn't deserve me. Asking me to just let go.

 

I know she has been hurting as well. All three of us. Maybe things should belong to where they should be. I am always her backup and she will forever relive her past. Since I have been hurt once, twice.... the third time should be easier to get through. Me departing this triangle is a good thing for me and for them to start their relationship again. But after going through all the emotions and rethink how I have been treated, it has affected our friendship alot. My last option would be to end our friendship, which I am planning to do.

[DN]

I think you are wise to move her out of your life completely - too hard for you any other way. Good luck in finding someone who deserves you.