i don't know what is wrong with my boyfriend

[love_junkie]

okay, this guy and i have dated for like 1 month now. he is working on his thesis right now and it has been 2 weeks of pure hell for me (and him).

when we met, we both thought we were each others soul mates. now it don't look so good.

 

any how, i found out he asked my friend if she knew anything about what i do when i go out on the town. i go out a lot with friends and he asked if i did more than just go out--as in cheat. ok, so he doesn't know that i know that he talked to her. before dinner the other night, i asked him if something was wrong and he exploded on me, 'why do you sound so accusatory? i have been at work all day and this is the first thing you hit me with?" so i nearly cried. we met at dinner, the dinner was tense and he was very aloof. he did however hold my hand here and there and gave me a kiss. by the end of the night, i was ready to get hot and heavy and make out. but he refused me. he also turned my cell phone off before we had started our movie. i tried to kiss him and it was like kissing a brick wall. so many guards were up or he wasn't interested.

 

so, it has been 2 days and he has called one time. i get that he is busy, but he's killing me by not calling. when he does call, he sounds grouchy and unhappy to hear from me. is he tired of me? i try hard not to bug him....he has also made a comment about me having another boyfriend on the side, because i got a conversation between my other friend and him mixed up.... i said, 'oh yeah, you want to run a restaurant someday.' and he said, 'no i said a furniture mill, that must be your other boyfriend.'

 

please help me. does he still care? he isn't calling me.

[passions1]

Since he is doing his thesis statement, he could be under alot of stress, so don't expect him to be in such happy-go-lucky attitudes all the time. When I get stressed out, I don't talk or contact my bf as much. It goes both ways though.

 

The fact that he is accusing you of cheating could be his own insecurities or the fact that he could be cheating as well. Who really knows? (Despite asking him straightforward). Give him some time once his thesis ordeal is done, he might lighten up on you. Then go ahead and talk to him about how you would like him to call you as well.

 

If he refuses to change his attitude or it could be going both ways without you realizing it, then he isn't willing to make some compromises for the relationship. You will have to reconsider do you really know him well enough, since it's been 1 month long relationship.

[arwen]

Hey love-junkie,

 

I just left the thesis-era myself, and your boyfriend sounds as stressed and unreasonable as I was at times

 

So, in fact you have been dating only for 2 happy weeks, followed by this completely stressful 2 weeks, right? This is really a short time, maybe you are better off as friends until he finishes.

 

He sounds a bit paranoid about you having another boyfriend, this is the part that worries me most. Did you notice any insecurity issues when you guys just met, and do you know anything about his past relationships?

 

I know when I was completely stressed out, I was very VERY unreasonable towards my bf. I simply couldn't stand it that he just had exams and was FREE to go out and have fun and I was bound to be home, alone, staring at a pc screen and drinking coffee the way a thirsty camel drinks water. I never accused him of cheating but I was really very horrible at times.

 

It might just be stress, but I find that a bit odd given the fact you have just been together for one month. He sounds really insecure.

 

Ilse.

[the_bomb]

When I was working on my thesis, my mind was so caught up in the daily grind and I was under so much stress that I didn't get sexaully excited very often. My girlfriend, however, wanted sex at the same frequency as before which put me even more pressure on me. It was clear than I wasn't satisfying here (we used to have sex at least every day and then it went to twice a week), but I just wasn't into it. Not my fault. Plus the situation was temporary ie one semester. I didn't have doubts as to if she was cheating or not, but I was damn jealous that she was having fun and I wasn't, and it was clear she wasn't sexually satisfied which made me sad/upset/insecure. My suggestion is not to ask much of him during this hard time and things will return back to normal.

[love_junkie]

well,

i couldn't take it. i decided to end the relationship for my own sanity. no more self-sacrifice. he told me things went to fast anyways and that when school resumes, he wont' be able to see me but for 2 times a week. it just went from hot to cold and i don't understand why someone would make me open up to them just to send me off again. i ain't a ragdoll. he told me we needed to take it slow and for me that usually looks like not a good sign. i hate men.

 

this is so stupid. i just want one consistent person, but it's impossible. he told me that all of this went so fast it put much pressure on him. he also told me in the past day that he was thinking about his thesis so much he rarely thought of me. what a piece of trash. i can't believe he said something so cold. so i am ending it today. i don't have time for this crap.

[love_junkie]

i am also very insecure from past disappointments. that is why i have decided to leave him because i can't take another one. this whole thing has been enough-- just ridiculous, he's the king of hot-and-cold.

prior to his thesis he said, 'i love you' 'i want to marry you' 'when we get married we will have a huge house...' 'let's get married on an island' 'i'll never leave you' 'where have you been all my life' 'i plan on marrying you' 'don't be afraid to be with me, i'll never hurt you'

 

wtf?

 

now he sounds aloof, cold and distant. like kissing a brick wall. he tells me all of that rushing into this was 'unhealthy' and put a lot of pressure on him. oh yeah? how about my feelings. i told him i was terrified of this relationship thing, he asks me to open my heart and then he sh**s all over it! but he pushed me to do it. now look at me! i opened my heart to have it torn out!

[love_junkie]

anyone have any responses to make about what must have happened on his end?