men leading on women

[DropToZero]

You're wrong...I have experienced it and it only happened like 2 years ago to me too. Now one thing you're right about, I didn't go to the extent of following her around all the time and hanging with her all the time, but even now with the experience I have I still would have said 'she liked me' by the signs she gave off. I just didn't really know how to react to them back then, and do now.

 

I'm not trying to like...stereotype...your story. But I understand what you mean when everyone's story should be important(like the car crash example), and it can affect each person differently. But what you experienced is what normally happens to the majority of shy guys in HS etc....they finally work up that courage after a year or so of knowing someone, ask her/him out and then get shot down. The fact that you put this ONE guy on a pedestal and made him stand out better than any other you had met is what made you like him even more. You made him the standard you would compare all other guys too, and that's what will make it even harder for you meet another guy. I know you said you hate him now, but you have to got to get off of that standard. In any case...the best way for you to get over this...is to move on. I don't know if you already have or not, but do your best to meet another guy, and don't compare him to this last one. Ask him from the beginning if he has a g/f so it doesn't happen again. Just say "Are you dating anyone?"...easily said and done. That's the best advice I can really give on that tho...and I always have my saying "I never make the same mistake twice." Good luck, Sheyda, there are others...don't give up.

[ShySoul]

But what you experienced is what normally happens to the majority of shy guys in HS etc....they finally work up that courage after a year or so of knowing someone, ask her/him out and then get shot down. The fact that you put this ONE guy on a pedestal and made him stand out better than any other you had met is what made you like him even more.

 

The difference is that usually the girl doesn't lead the guy on as much. She's friendly, but no more so then to any other guy. In this case it seems like he intentionally played with her emotions knowing the effects it had on her. That hurts.

 

Sheyda, really, he's a jerk and not worth another thought. There are plenty of real nice guys out there and on of them is probably waiting just around the corner.

 

I think where the confusion was coming in is the difference between joking around as friends do, and flirting. When I'm around female friends I will joke and have fun, but I don't slip into flirting mood usually. If I don't have interest in them then its not right to appear like I do. If I do, then the flirting comes naturally and I can't stop myself. Flirting isn't something that needs to be practiced, it comes from the heart and should just flow. So spare a girl the possiblity of hurt feelings, save the flirting for those who are serious about.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I saw this little phrase a few pages back.

 

But the question is what stage in life is the guy in? Is he's emotionally matured enough to take care of a person yet? There are guys whom if you rejected on them, they'll become sad, rejected, and don't talk to you anymore. There's another type who'll still care for you, those are the ones you want to consider.

 

I'm the guy who if I'm regected that I cut off all contact. Why you may ask? It's because in my experience hanging around is a sign of weekness. Take my last ex, almost all her friends were ex-boyfriends of hers. When I would go out with her and her friends they would all look like they wanted to kill me and stare at her like a piece of meat. And she loved every minute of it. In the end I couldn't take the fact that she was the way she was with her ex's and confronted her on it. She broke up with me but told me "I expect we'll be the best of friends though". Yeah, right, I have better things to do than to be lead on in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, she might take me back. So I broke off all contact, she was insulted, she never had any guy do that to her before. Even after 2 weeks, she's still calling, but I'm not picking up. My point is, I don't think I'm immature to break off contact knowing that by being friends with an ex after will be only because I hope it might come to more later on. I think it's more mature to end it clean, walk away and give your heart to someone who appreciates it and deserves it. I still care for my ex, but since I respect myself, I can't be friends with her.

 

Sorry for going off topic, but that quote really bugged me. Sounded too much like my ex's reasoning. lol

[wlfpack81]

Lonelyinasmalltown

 

I applaud you for what you're doing with your ex. Just keep it up and don't fall for any tricks. She'll probably pull out all the stops to get attention and being you were attracted to her (and may still be) I know you may be tempted at times to give in. Don't do it!!! LOL Stay strong and you can win this battle. Adios.

[Caterina]

I agree that you should have cut off contact with her.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Yeah, I'm still attracted to her and I'll admit I want her back but I'm not going to go back as long as she plays guys they way she does. She's a very nice woman, but in all honesty, the way she plays her ex's makes her ugly as sin too.