I realized that love

[Jetta]

Is really about feeling special to someone. Like you matter in their life. The little things we do to show that someone that we love them is what makes them feel loved and important. So when people are always saying it's the small acts of kindness, or the little things, that is what they mean. The best relationships know what those little things are that make their significant other feel special and act on them without expecting anything in return.

 

It was something that came to mind to me, and I really felt like others could benefit from hearing it. Maybe others can share ways they've made their partners feel special, just to give examples. I really think in my own life it's been an area I've neglected in relationships.

[reflectionlessmirror]

This wasnt my own experience, but the way my friends husband proposed to her (GUYS PAY ATTENTION!) He wast sure what kind of ring to get her, wanted in to be perfect. We all worked together at the time so i help him devise a great plan. (I have to pat my back here!) he bought a big gaudy cubic zirconia ring at jc penny for only 10 bucks. It was pretty but the kind that turns green when youwash your hands. He then went to the jeweler where he had an account from previous gifts he had bought her and got the velevet box for the Cheapo ring and a voucher for her and him to go in and create the ring of her dreams. he gave her the voucher in a card with the cheap ring so she would know the cheap ring was jsut for show. i was sooo jealous! I thought up the entire plan inthe first place. (I was happy for them though and in there wedding!)

[btbt]

I'll offer an alternate version of love, though I'm not sure I believe in it.

 

A friend of mine believes that love is giving freely with no expecation of getting anything in return and even risking getting hurt. A little background -- she was dating a guy that she fell head over heels with quickly. It was an unusual situation -- she met this guy on 9/11. He had gotten out of the WTC, but had no office or apartment to return to as both were destroyed. They spent the day together as strangers sharing the same traumatic experience and she offered to let him stay at her apartment until his job and home situation worked out. He was a good guy and the intensity of the situation created a really stronog emotional bond.

 

However, things dissipated and he drew away and then started traveling extensively for work. He stopped calling her and wouldn't call when he was in town. Yet she kept calling him to see how he was doing, to let him know various events were going on that she knew that he was interested in etc, She wasn't necessarily trying to see him again, but reaching out to let him know that she cared. She'd call him several times a day leaving many untreturned voice mail messages.

 

So I told her she was being treated like a doormat and that she deserved better than that. But she continued to contact him even though he was blowing her off, because she said that it was more impoertant for her to express this love, even if it wasn't returned. Mind you, she was very hurt and was always hoping he would return her calls, but she was very insistent and kept at it.

 

This might be love...it's a very hurtful one, and maybe a model we don't understand because our culture focuses on what love can do for the self. I'm not sure I agree with this or could handle this type of situation, but just thought I'd throw it out there.

 

Peace.

[BillyJean714]

I agree Jetta. I think that it's the little things that a person says or does that really show how much they love a person. It's the simple acts of kindness. That's why I think that when people try to make a 'big' deal and announce to the whole world that they love their partner, I think it's crap. Love isn't about showing off. If so, then what are they really trying to prove? Love is simple. It's about giving unconditionally on a regular basis because we want to give, not because we have to. It's that genuine devotion that we want to share with people who we care most for. Not too often will we meet people who are true to us. The only way that you can tell if a person loves you is by the way they treat you, the little things they do. For instance, they put you ahead of themselves and you do the same vice versa. It's that genuine sincerity to want to share with one another, because the other person's happiness is a part of our own happiness.

 

What really sickens me is this whole mentality of "Oh, in order to get love, you have to be a little selfish and love yourself." That bullcrap drives me nuts. Let's be real here. Sure, it's nice to have the basic necessities for ourselves, to take care of our own well-being, but that's different from being selfish. If we treat our partners as though they're inferior and we're always selfish, then how will that ever translate into love?

 

Anyway, I think that love is the purest form of generosity. And, if people say that it's impossible to give unconditionally to someone else other than their own children, then I don't think that they really loved before. In order to experience true love, people truly need to be more open and compassionate with each other. I can only say so because I met some of the most sincere and loving people in my life. I also had my fair share of meeting selifish/obnoxious individuals. (And they are never happy). So, I truly know when people are truly genuine or not. Last but not least, I wish that people could wisen up the people who they open up their hearts to. There's always this tendency to want more that leads us to find nothing but broken hearts because we buy into the superficial concept of always trying to get what we want but can't have. Instead, if people can just be themselves, be true to who they are and be wise about things, that's when they'll be able to find true love.

[Jetta]

Very well said BillyJean, and that was very much along the lines I was trying to say. I do believe there needs to be mutual feelings that contribute to a loving relationship. If it's one is person doing all the giving like btbt was saying in her example, that's a person who refuses to let go of a person who doesn't love them as deeply IMO. True love is unconditional, it's wanting what's best for them even if it's not necessarily to your benefit including letting them go.