Why, do I torture my-self checking his emails

[regret1]

Does anybody have this problem..checking your ex's emails. Why do i torture mysefl? After checking his emails, I have discovered that they are getting married next year. i can't even stop toturting myself. I am so hurt. After every snooped, I get sooo depressed. I drink to make my self feel better. Has anybody done this before, and stopped. Help me stop killing myself. Help me. I am drowning in my own tears, and I keep on doing it. Why do I kill my-self. He has moved on why can't I. Why why...the pain is so much. I cannot bear this anymore.

[lifeiscash]

Im pretty sure it has to do with you not wanting to move on. Let me explain, you realize that you need to move on for your own good but yet you keep checking his e-mails and you are drinking away your pain. If you really want to move on then you would ultimatley stop checking his e-mails and start doing things now that are going to benefit you. Your living in the past, it is time to stop torturing YOURSELF and move on to a better reality. Your pain is only temporary, but your letting it be permanent.

[annie24]

You MUST stop checking his e-mails. It's not doing anything positive for you, and it's also totally wrong and illegal. Do whatever you have to do to stop. You may even consider writing an "anonymous" note to him saying that someone has his password, and he should change it!

 

He is getting married, everything is over and done with. Like Life said, time to move on. Drinking isn't a good way to deal with the pain either. You drink, and your problems are still there, if not worse! You have to take steps to really heal from this heartbreak.

 

Remember, you were alright before you met him, and you'll be fine afterwards. Good luck!

[regret1]

He knows I have his email password...he won't change it. Has anybody gone through therepy? What kind of therepy do I go and look at? Is it expensive? I feel like I cannot recover. I am depressed daily...major depression which I feel I cannot get out of. Tears is alway dropping...goodness, I cannot even live right. Why..love is so painful?

[annie24]

Why won't he change it since he knows you have it???? Does he also know that you've been checking his e-mails regularly?

 

How long ago did you two break up? How long were you together?

[Shadows Light]

Ok... I definitely agree with Annie. You have got to get a back-bone up and STOP checking those e-mails. He won't change the password. Well find a way to delete his on-line name from your computer. Or go get a parental control program and have one of your friends block that particular web-site from you being able to get in.

 

Secondly, drinking is not a solution. You are a smart girl, you know this in your heart of hearts. Has it worked to this point? No. So you need to move on? Then begin to "LIVE"... get busy with something. A hobby. Go for walks. Start a nutrition/excersise program. Those endorphins you get from excersise are happy hormones, they'll lift your spirits.

 

Go out with friends. Just stay busy. Keep a journal. You can't write anything heavy in there..write happy stuff. Find something about today that was special. Something you noticed that lifted your spirits. Start a WISH SCRAP-BOOK. Cut out of magazines clothes, furniture, vacation spots... stuff that really rocks your world. Things you can work toward. Things that make you happy.

 

Go to the library and find new music to listen to. Here's an idea, as goofy as it may sound, when's the last time you colored with crayons in a coloring book? One of my friends bought me a coloring book and a box of 64 crayola's, its the most soothing thing in the world to just sit there and color. LOL. Weird, I know. But its soothing. And creative.

 

And take it one day at a time. Today. Think about today. And think about all the things that you have that are good and wonderful in your life.

 

A friend of mine once said: "what the heck do you have to be depressed about? You live in the greatest country in the world. Do you live in a home with dirt floors and have to walk 5 miles every day just to get fresh water?" Well... no. I guess not. "Life is full of abundances that we take for granted on a daily basis." Go buy yourself some flowers. Go outside and lay on a blanket and paint pictures with the clouds. Enjoy the little things life gives you everyday.

 

And before you know it things will look different. You'll have a better perspecitve on the situation. And you'll surpise yourself that you have moved on. In case your thinking revenge: LOL well, they say that the best revenge is "LIVING WELL".... so choose to "Live" and start today.

[lifeiscash]

Shadow is right no doubt, all those things will certainly lift your spirits, but even so it might be hard and motivating to even think about doing those things. Seems to me you are SEVERLEY depressed, I suggest asking to seek proffessional help. You can look for some websites online and maybe even call for information regarding cost, etc.

 

Iv'e been in that type of depression before.. but you have to understand that YOU need to make the changes for YOURSELF to make YOU better. If you think your depression is too overbearing then I would call for some help.

[Shadows Light]

Agree with Life... Therepy does wonders. I'm currenty talking to someone and some of the things I"ve listed above are things I do to keep me busy.

 

By all means.. go see someone to talk to. Its really really an eye opener...and it will make you feel tonz better...

[benevolent]

No offense, but you deserve feeling this pain for doing something as wrong (and illegal as someone else mentioned). What positives can you possibly get out of this? Let's just say, things were flipped around and you read his e-mail and it was all positive and glowing about you and then he found out that you were reading them all along? It's a lose-lose situation.

 

Perhaps you need counseling and get to the crux of your problem. Like annie said, you were alright before him and you'll be ralight afterwards. Treat this as an opportunity for you to make great change so that you can become the best you possible. Maybe it's a combination or therapy, cold-turkey, support from friends, Tony Robbins Whatever the case may be, you have to make the decision to do so now.

[regret1]

Thank you for all the response...also being very honest and blunt. Somebody need to get into my thick skull. I will start today as I type. I will never get into his email again. I just hurt my own self.