How can I make him more confident?

[koremi]

Hey, I have a boyfriend and I did all the work in terms of making it happen...I asked him out because I knew he was attracted to me but wouldn't do anything. I wish he could be confident and a little less shy. I don't want to change him, I just want to make him feel better and more comfortable. How can I help him like this? What do I do/say?

[reflectionlessmirror]

make him more comfortable? Have you considered that he takes comfort in being shy!? Dont encourage him to leave what makes him comforatble. And atleast you know that he wont be hitting on other girls!

[Hephaestus]

Ok. It's obvious that you did all the work up to this point. I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you want him to open up more to you it will take a little more work. Shy people open up naturally over time. You'll probably have to initiate a lot of the conversation in the beginning. Use random subjects and see what gets him talking. As he begins to talk more, he'll be more comfortable around you.

 

Shy people also require reassurance at just about every major step of a relationship. If you want him to hold your hand, you have to let him know it's ok. If you want him to kiss you, he needs to know that too. I'm not saying that you have to be blunt, but you do need to be clear. It helps if you don't mention it off-handedly. Make sure you have his undivided attention.

[JRM]

I've found through experience that people seem to respond to what they know, or what they're familiar with. I'm shy, but I've often even found myself suddenly talking to people because I hear them talking about computers, skateboarding, art, ect. Basically tihngs that I personally enjoy.

 

If he likes basketball, start talking about basketball. If he likes paintballing, then talk about that. Don't say anything along the lines of "hey, I heard you're on the basketball team", but just steer a conversation towards a subject that you know he knows alot about and intersts him, and he'll open up.

 

If you try this, let me know. I want to see if my theory is correct..

[corvidae]

Well, I may be completely wrong here, but perhaps there is some underlying cause for his shyness. Speaking personally, when I was a teenager I spent a lot of time being called 'ugly' and having girls look down on me. It completely gave me a negative view of myself. So nowadays I have no confidence. Maybe he had something like that happen to him. Or maybe not. Try to find out.