What was it all about??

[Flora]

We started dating about 2 months ago. Both of us had gotten out of LTR's. Well, at first everything was great, or so I thought. We had a lot of fun together. He never opened up to me and from teh get go I wondered exactly where the whole thing was headed. He was extremely respectful. He still lived with his ex as he had signed the lease and was going to help her pay the rent up until the end of the lease which will be done at the end of July. I know that they are not together because he rarely even stays at their place. Also, his friends are certain that they are done...I trust that much and respected him for not leaving her holding the bag as my ex had done with me when we broke up. So after 2 months of hanging out at least 5 times a week all of the sudden he's like I can't handle a relationship right now. The end. It seemed ilke he was really into me. His friends had begun referring to me as his girlfriend, and I tried not to be overly clingy and give him space. He is still cool with me and we often end up at the same social functions. He is sometimes flirtatious, but not overly so. I was ok with the whole thing because I know how weird it must be to still be sharing responsibilities with an ex while at the same time dating somenoe new. Also, I may not be fully ready for a relationship since I'm kind of dealing with issues from my past relationship. I just don't get why he would just want to stop seeing me all together. I hoped we could still date, but take things slower. His friends (who I now consider my friends) have told me they think he might be scared...I thought maybe he was getting back with his ex, but even after I've asked him twice he insists that's not the case. We did have a sexual relationship, but it wasn't like that's all it was about. He would often spend the whole day with me then leave w/out having sex...I asked him once if that's all he was interested in and he was offended. Is it unreasonable to assume that maybe down the road we will get back together? I work with him and see him everyday. He still flashes me those looks that made me fall for him in the first place. I think about him all the time and his smile kills me. I just know how perfect I am for him...and I have told him that if he lets me go he will regret it. I just know it! LAst time I ran into him he w rapped his arms around me and squeezed me and kissed me on my forehead. The day we broke up I ran into him at a bar and before he left he kissed me passionately and departed. I don't know what to do here. I really want to date other people, but I just can't seem to get this guy out of my mind. No one else interests me. What should I do ab out him. Wait...just be his friend...see if his appeal wears off? What could he be thinking??

[Shadows Light]

Also, I may not be fully ready for a relationship since I'm kind of dealing with issues from my past relationship.

Maybe he's not ready either... he's still living with is ex. Proximity must be very difficult for him to put things behind him....if at all. He maybe having second thoughts about the ex....or being pulled into two different directions. I'll bet he regrets having started something with you because he hasn't fully closed the door on relationship number one. Catch 22 situation for him.

 

Why do I think that? His passionate kiss and embrace good-bye... and then the embrace and kiss on the forhead...

 

Give yourself time to heal from your last relationship. Give him time to sort out his life. In anycase, a good friend is always good to have..... always.

[Flora]

yeah...he is adamant that he has no intentions on resolving things with his ex. She is moving out of state, and he has a good job and hobbies that keep him here. Apparently there relationshp was volatile. I am going to just give him his space and time, and if he's smart he'll realize what he's missing out on by not giving it a shot with me. Sorry I'm a little ego happy, but I gotta be...helps to deal with the rejection. 8)

[annie24]

Yes, definitely, give him some time and space. He will either realize he misses you, or he won't, and you don't need that in your life, now do you?

[Mun]

I couldn't help but wonder if seeing someone 5 times per week was a surefire way to head to "relationship burnout"...

 

I can see where living with his ex and dealing with that would put a burden on trying to start a new relationship too. But seeing each other so much, especially when the relationship is new and fragile...well I just wondered if maybe that contributed to the break up.

[annie24]

Yes, I have to agree with Muneca about the 5x per week thing...

[Flora]

I guess...Somtimes it was more like 3 times a week. When we did hang out we would usually watch movies or go to the bar. It was never like we were picking each other apart. I liked it...really casual...not too serious...no pressure exactly what I wanted--and what I thought he wanted too. We work together...not closely, but we see each other and were taking breaks together n'stuff. Things got repetitive with that...like at the end of his shift it was always the same questions..."what r u doing tonight, call me..ok cool bye." all the while trying to play it cool as to not let any of our co workers catch on, even though we think they were beginning to. I saw him last night at a party. We didn't talk much, but it seemed obvious that we were both pre occuppied with what the other was doing. I had called him earlier in the day looking for a phone number of a friend. I didn't get a call back. When I saw him at the party I thought he had told me he had called me back. I checked my messages when I got home and there was nothing. I got really mad that he lied and called him. I was going to leave him a nasty voice mail. I'm not a nasty person, so I'm sure there would have been a humorous tone to the message--that's how I deal with anger...humor. heh. I guess I was a wee bit intoxicated. He actually answered and says he never said he called. I guess I misheard him, it didn't matter really. We ended up talking for like 40 minutes. It probably wasn't what I needed to help me get over him. I mean I'm not torn up over him, but I was really falling for him and was afraid that I did something dumb and screwed it up. But I can't think of anything I really did or said..so I think it's just him and his issues. Part of me wants to think that there is no chance of us being together again. I just want to forget about it...but I still have this little voice inside me that says hes still interested he just doesnt want to fall back into the routine he was used to with his ex...I don't either. I like to keep it light and fun...i want to get to know him deeper. I hate pressure.

[Mun]

Flora, I'll suggest something. You mentioned falling into the routine---maybe that was the thing that happened. Things became predicatable... and possibly boring ? Were you two able to see each other every single time one of you suggested it? Or were there times when you had to 'make it another night' because of previous engagements?

 

Just wondering if there were things that contributed to the break up and hey...none of us know what the future may bring. Just relax and keep going. He's got your number, he knows where you live...Who knows what can happen.

[Flora]

Yeah...I said that to a girlfriend of mine. That I was getting bored. It would have been more exciting if he had started opening up to me little by little, but that just wasn't happening and I wasn't going to push the issue. If you knew what I went through before meeting him (I have only lived in this town for 8 months or so) you'd know that Im just pretty darn glad to be out and about and meeting new people. He really got me out of my shell and introduced me to good folks that I now consider my friends. I am so grateful to him for that and I have thanked him. Geez...I don't want to go into all the details of how we hooked up because I splattered the boards with it for months under my old name "greenie35"...check those out for the full color version. Anyways...he mentioned to me a few times before about being the sort of guy that likes to be "mysterious"...oooooh...and yes he is very mysterious, beautifully so. He had me hook line and sinker from the first time our eyes met. So..in a way it's become a bit more fun when I run into him because it's like we're back at squrae one...except now we have a little history. I dunno what's gonna happen. I'm gaga for the guy and it still brings a smile to my face when I think about the first time we kissed. It anything it will be an awesome memory that I will always have...and hopefully he will always be a good friend. I get butterflies when I think about him though...I know what we cuold be if we could get past our recent relationship dramas.

[Flora]

pft.

[Mun]

Towards the end I started asking questions about how "serious" we were. Like, I just wanted to know that both of us were only dating each other.

 

Interesting that you should be asking him the status of your relationship so late in the game. It would seem that if he was spending so much time with you at your place you would kind of know where you stood.. don't you think?

[Flora]

well, I was just sorta looking for a confirmation. As I said before he wasn't real vocal about his feelings. I knew he wasn't seeing anyone else, but I wanted him to clarify his intentions.