I say, "We're over." He says, "Not yet."

[lillady898]

So, my boyfriend hasn't seen me in 3 days. I'm leaving Friday to go on a 10-day trip, so I thought he'd be a little more eager to see me. Well, apparently he's been "too busy." He's in a fraternity and is some team leader. He never really explains it to me. As far as I know, all he does is email people. And then he also was hanging out with his best friend, which is 100% fine with me. But now it's as if he's searching for things to be busy. Like he'll work out for 4 hours every day, work for 5 hours, sleep for about 8 hours (he has a night job), work on frat stuff for 3 hours, eat and shower for another hour and a half, and hang out with friends the remainder of the time. In the past week, I've gotten a total of 3 hours. I feel so unimportant, and I'm not the type of control-freak who is self-conscience thinking everything is against me. I have a lot of confidence in everything else, but this really brings me down for some reason.

 

He said he'd call me before 10 to hang out. Instead, I end up calling him at 9:45 to see what's up (he used to call sooner). And lately he has a tendency of forgetting things. He says that the only way I could see him is if I drive to his house because he has "frat stuff" to work on. That annoyed me a bit because the last THREE times I drove over there, and it's using up a hefty amount of my gas. Infact, between work and other things, I now have no gas in my car to go over there anyways. So then I tell him that and he says, "Fine, I guess we're not seeing eachother." I get angry and he starts arguing. This is what broke us up before, and I told him when we were getting back together than I only want to be with him if he can make time. And he was doing a great job before. But now he's not. So I ended it. But then he started arguing saying then we can never hang out then because he loves me and all this. That upsets me. I hate hurting people. So I cry (haven't cried since March) and tell him I'm so confused. He says he's confused to and he's coming over before work. (What happened to his frat stuff, I don't know.) Then, as always, he calls and says he can't because he has to eat. But then he says we're not broken up. It so weird, I thought I told him we were done. I want someone who has more time for a relationship. But he says he loves me and is lost without me and alll that. I don't get it. I don't know what else he wants.

 

He's going to call me to see me before work tomorrow. I don't know what else there is to say though. Should I just tell him it's over? I'm really not happy in this relationship at this point. I've always had trust issues with people and sometimes I think I'm better off alone.

[misery12]

Well, it seems that this guy of yours has some issues that he needs to figure out. It looks as if he only has time for you, when he wants it.

The key to relationship is working together, and nobody should be working harder than the other..

 

I'd tell him that if he wants to see you before you go, then he has to come to you.. no excuses. If he does, you'll know if he is true to you, if he doesn't.. you'll know if he's not.

 

Good Luck!

[lady00]

You need to sit down, think this through and make up your mind. It seems that you have tried to end the relationship before but he talked you out of it. If you make a decision to break up, you can't allow him to talk you out of it. Decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship based on your needs and his reaction to those needs. Are you two compatible? I'm not asking whether you love each other because I'm guessing you do...that's kind of not the issue at this point...the issue is whether or not the relationship adds to your happiness or is something that drags your mood down. I think that if you want to take some time alone to think it over that would be best, as his coming over to talk to you now would probably just confuse you. If you decide to work things out with him then go ahead and give it all you've got and make things work but make sure it's your decision too, not just his. Just because he says he's lost without you doesn't mean you're meant to be but if you are meant to be then it's going to take work on both your parts to undersand where each other is coming from and make it work.

[OceanEyes]

Someone who truly loves you and cares about your needs will always - no matter what - make time for YOU. Just put yourself in his position for a second: you make time and use up all of your gas (despite it being obvious to me that you can't really afford it) to see him. Why? Because it's important to you and because you care enough to make that effort.

 

This guy is either messing with your head, or he's going through some type of adolescent phase and is feeling a lot of pressure from his frat buddies to take part in their "activities". Whatever the reason, he doesn't seem ready to give you what you need to be happy and satisfied with the relationship.

 

If you really do care and see some potential, then give him a chance to explain himself. See what he has to say, but make sure to let him know exactly how you feel about everything. Don't continue to sell yourself short for a sub-par relationship that isn't meeting your needs - sometimes it's better to be single and keep things simple rather than being in a constant state of confusion and disappointment. Be straight with him: Three hours a week is not my idea of a relationship.

[lillady898]

See, the thing is, I don't know if I love him. I care about him so much but I have so many reasons in my mind why I just can't love him.

 

Our story: We began dating in November 2003. He broke up with me a couple times in July2004. He went away back to college in August. He refused to come to my grandpa's funeral AND cheated on me after getting drunk at a frat ( ) party all within a week of being at college. I forgave him, for reasons beyond me (I think I was so miserable during that time, I just didn't care, so many awful things happened in August). Things became great by the beginning of January 2005. Like, he actually put in a ton of effort to be better to me. He went on family trips with me, let me stay the night, lost his virginity to me, told me he wanted to be together forever. By the end of January 2005, he broke up with me. He was cruel to me for a few months. Then I stopped talking to him. He started calling in the beginning of June. The first day we hung out he told me he's been so unhappy the past few months, and when he saw me it was the happiest he'd been in a long time. A few weeks ago we decided to give it another shot.

 

I used to be able to tell him I love him... But I haven't now because I don't know if I do. I'm actually really afraid of him because he used to hurt me so bad. He has changed A LOT for the better, but he still has some of his old tendancies which freak me out. Like never making time for me and all that. It's just so scary to me. I like being independent. Relationships are so scary.

[smallworld]

He's going to call me to see me before work tomorrow. I don't know what else there is to say though. Should I just tell him it's over? I'm really not happy in this relationship at this point. I've always had trust issues with people and sometimes I think I'm better off alone.

 

Lillady898, we all have trust issues at some point, but this guy actually is CAUSING you to have trust issues by being untrustworthy. If he can't keep the small promises to you involving spending time with you, then he's not likely to keep the big ones to you involving your heart. Your best bet is to let him go and find someone who wants to be with you without all these issues, games, and disappearing acts.

[lillady898]

We were supposed to hang out after he got off work this morning, before I go to work. He calls and the first thing he says is, "You need to learn how to say f'ing bye when you get off the phone..." I say nothing, kind of shocked he yelled at me because I've always been like that (bad habit). Then he says, "I can't come over. I'm too tired." I think I have to end it tonight. I'm really unhappy right now. I told him I don't like how unreliable he is (reliability is a big thing I look for in a guy). He says he can't help it, he's "just a busy guy." Well, as far as I'm concerned he can be busy alone. The least he could do is not lead me on to think we're always going to hang out and then become to "busy." We haven't seen eachother since Sunday (for 3 hours) and I'm leaving tomorrow for 10 days. To top it off, at the end of August he's going 2 hours away again. I thought he'd atleast try to take advantage of the time we could spend together.

[lady00]

This guy doesn't seem that interested in being there for you...and he seems very unreliable. Trust your gut and get rid of him...if you decide to do that, you gotta stick to it...don't let him talk you out of it. Be strong...make a decision and stick to it with conviction. Good luck.