What to do if he calls and asks for forgiveness again ..

[Nkaleidoscopic]

This is about my former best friend (he was also my boyfriend for 11 months, but remained still good friends after a really bad breakup). Lately, this girl has been liking him, and giving him all this attention. Pretty soon, he started putting her before me. I guess thats human nature .. (Note: He persistently said he only liked her as a friend, and NOTHING MORE)

 

But anyway. I talked to him about it, and he seemed quite sorry, etc. But the thing is, stuff like that kept happening. He kept forgetting to call me, cause she told him to call her. And other messed up stuff like that. I always forgave him .. about maybe 20 times. Yesterday, he only talked to me for 2 minutes online. That's pretty pathetic, compared to how much time we spent toghether ussually. Turns out that half the day he was playing Sims Online with her (which she bought for him ..) And the other half talking to her on the phone.

 

I guess this made me kinda sad at first, but then I realized that this was the last straw and that he was just not the same person anymore and that I needed to get away and NC would be ideal to forget about him and our friendship and closeness and stuff.

 

He called today. I said, "I'm sorry, I don't want to talk to you anymore." He said, "Okay .. I'll talk to you later." And I said, "Bye" and our 50 second phonecall was over. Thus I started NC.

 

 

 

Thing is .. I still sometimes wish he would be the same person again. And

if he calls and apologizes I'm probably going to forgive him. I'm not sure,

but what should I do? I only want to take him back as a friend if he

changes. It's not like I'm asking to be number 1 or anything .. But I dont

want to give in unless he changes and proves it.

 

 

What do I say if he calls ...?

If he doesn't call .. I'll move on, I know I can. But I just know that he's a good person, and everything thats been happening lately is so unlike him. I can't explain it enough ..

 

[xixilovergirlxixi]

if he calls you hang up. you are way to pretty to let a dumb boy hurt you.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I woun't say he's not a dumb boy, because sometimes he is. But I don't like him, I want to be friend's again. He isn't some aquaintance, he was a real friend.

 

I don't think this has anything do to with how pretty or not pretty I am.

[annie24]

hmm... sounds like he is going through a phase or something. I wouldn't be surprised if he got tired of this new girl after a while. I think you should lower your expectations of him. Since you two aren't bf/gf anymore, you can't expect him to stay on the phone with you for hours and to prioritize you. However, he is your best friend, but he isn't acting like it these days.

 

I would just back away from him (which is exactly what you did). Maybe not even totally strictly, just know that he can't give you what you need right now, and you should look for that friendship with others. I think he will come around eventually. I think by that time, you may have cooled down a bit and gotten used to not hearing from him as much.

 

Keep your heart open to hearing what he has to say if/when he comes back. Maybe after a few months of less contact, he will miss your friendship and he will prioritize you again.

 

good luck!

[Nkaleidoscopic]

annie24,

 

Thanks for responding, I'll take your advice. I hope you're right but I think I'm ready for both him coming back & not coming back.

 

 

[smallworld]

I agree with Annie. He has a right to put his girlfriend first, but the way he just cut you off was cruel and unnecessary. If he calls and wants back in, I'd be frank and tell him exactly what it is you need him to do in order to trust him again.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

I agree with Annie. He has a right to put his girlfriend first, but the way he just cut you off was cruel and unnecessary. If he calls and wants back in, I'd be frank and tell him exactly what it is you need him to do in order to trust him again.

 

 

She's not even his girlfriend and he says he does not like her. I don't think you understood.