question about rape.

[winterfairy]

Okay so let's say you are asleep, and you wake up and some guy is. . . you know. Inside you. And you don't say anything because you're half-asleep and in shock, and this guy is your boyfriend so you don't really feel. . . too weird about it. Is that legally considered rape? I mean, it's not the same kind of rape as what you'd normally think it to be is it? So what I'm asking is if it's just. . . okay. Legal, normal, not a big deal, you know?

[RayKay]

Tricky, depends on intent.

 

Personally I love it when my boyfriend rouses me up from sleep by starting to touch, caress and start to be intimate with me.

 

But if I woke up while he was in the midst of full-on intercourse and seemed to not even care if I was awake or not I would feel violated. I would not call it rape unless I told him to get off me/said no though and he tried to continue or I felt the intent was "rape".

 

I think in your case it was violating and disrespectful (unless he was trying to rouse you and get you into it too?) but I would not call it rape unless you clearly expressed you did not want it once you realized it was going on, or if he had drugged you or something then yes it would be rape in that case too.

 

But it does not really matter what I think - it is about how YOU feel about it.

[imagi]

There was a big thread on here the other day discussing what constitutes 'rape'. I personally believe that if it wasn't consentual sex, it's not right.. but it isn't legally considered rape unless there has been a definate moment where the person has said no.

 

If someone violates your personal space or has sex with you in a manner which isn't consenual.. I consider that to basically be rape without the fighting.. If that makes sense.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hi there,

 

The definition os rape is: Rape is the act of forced penetration of any bodily orifice (vaginally, anally, or orally) or forced cunillingous, involving violation of the survivor's body and psychological person.

 

People can feel shocked of their own vulnerability.

 

But it also depends how you feel about it.

 

Miya

[Cecelius]

Was he asleep with you?

[winterfairy]

Cecelius:

 

Well this happened to somebody I know. I guess I didn't make that very clear in my original post. . . sorry about that. She was confused as to what happened. I told her I would post here because she was kind of weirded out about asking someone herself. So no I was not there. All I know is that she woke up and he was having sex with her. She didn't give consent, but didn't say no. She was asleep and kind of out of it. Because of this, he got really mad at her when she accused him of taking advantage of her- since she didn't stop him (even though he started when she was clearly still asleep). So really I don't know, and neither does she. It just doesn't seem right to me! So I was just hoping you guys could maybe give us an answer as to what happened.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hello again,

 

I don't think it was right either. However as she was asleep she was vulnrable to rape. If she never gave him consent then that is classed as rape but if since she was vulnrable while sleeping and out of it when she woke up it was a shock to the system.

 

He shouldn't be mad at her at all. She didn't do anything wrong. I don't think she should be left alone with him if he is going to take advantage of her.

 

I would get her to talk to somone anyone who she trusts, someone who can help and has power to help her through this,

 

Miya

[Shadows Light]

There was a post above talking about being roused from sleep by your lover. I can agree with it... been woken up this way... and its nice. However that happens when you are in a mutually aggreeable relationship.

 

By out of it... I'm going to "assume" she was at a party somewhere and this guy wound up in her bed... or maybe she was out of it because she was drugged...who knows... she froze and was unresponsive...

 

Difficult call... when one partner says "NO" at any given point and time and puts the BREAKS on......then its rape. I don't know how this would "legally" be viewed.

 

The fact that she's confused and feels violated... yeah... her space has been violated and she's left feeling like a part of her has been taken without permission... have her talk to someone... proffessionally to vent her feelings out.

 

And its not her fault.... saying she was at the wrong place at the wrong time and put herself in that position is wrong.... it happened unfortunately and hind-sight is 20/20.... she needs to get it out and know its not her fault and she's ok.

 

And stay the hell away from this JERK. How dare he think he have any right........... uuuuggghhhh.

[Cecelius]

First post says that it was her boyfriend and she was asleep, so I asked if he'd been asleep with her. Of course she can say no, but most people I believe assume that in a sexual relationship where the parties consent to get into bed together and go off to sleep, if he (or she) gets amorous, it's not a crime. Annoying perhaps, but not criminal.

 

This is different if they aren't dating, or she was passed out at a party or if he sneaked into her apartment.

[Shadows Light]

Wwwhoops... sorry. I must have gotten off on a tangent... how could I have missed that.

 

OK.. got into bed with boyfriend... and woke up to sex....

 

Well... me personally I would't consider it rape.... I mean I've had my ex wake me or try to rouse me... and I've said "no"... and "no" means no.... sooooooooooooooooo........there u go.