What is going on!! Help~

[misery12]

I was posting my situation privately for a while, but I feel it should go public in order to get others opinions as well.

(thanks to those who helped already)

 

Anyways, my ex and I have been apart for about 3 weeks now, and in this time.. we have been hanging out about every second day, on average.. and we talk everyday on IM, and sometimes she tells me to call her.

 

Anyways, I am at the point where I feel I need to address her, and let her know how I feel. I want to get back with her, because I think we're a great match, and I love spending time with her, and I want her to know that if she is willing to give us another shot, im willing to go as slowly as she needs.

 

Today, I started talking to her on IM, and she said she was on the phone so I told her to tell me shes off, and she said "ok why", and I replied "because I wanna talk 8) " and then shortly after that, she logged off MSN, but stayed online on ICQ. About 10 minutes passed and she set her away message to "Gone to ____'s house, then to soccer".

 

I was in awe.. because I thought she was gonna tell me when she was done, but maybe she just had to go quickly? I don't know. Maybe she knew I was going to ask her something about us.. and she wasn't ready.

She had to expect I would ask sometime though..we hang out more now, than we did when we went out... she was over at my house yesterday!

 

Do you think I should wait for her to talk to me to ask her.. or should I try to call her tomorrow when she gets home from her friends house?

 

P.S - She has a soccer game tongiht, and I was planning on going with my friend, do you think it's still okay to go, after this?

[heartbroken23]

That would honestly P@#$ me off!! She is all friendly with you at times, you guys hang out alot, and when you ask her to tell you when she is off MSN she says"ok Why?" like it is an inconvenience to her to talk to you. Maybe she is playing head games with you? Maybe she is trying to get a reaction out of you...what is key is HOW you react to this. I bet not showing up at her game would get her thinking? just a thought

[chai714]

Anyways, I am at the point where I feel I need to address her, and let her know how I feel. I want to get back with her, because I think we're a great match, and I love spending time with her, and I want her to know that if she is willing to give us another shot, im willing to go as slowly as she needs.

 

Telling her how you feel about her has no effect on how she feels about you. In fact, it may even put some unwanted pressure on her. Since you are now her ex, you have moved down on her priority list. Don't tell you how you feel about her. Instead, focus on behaving in a way that makes her feel good. If you can't handle a "friendship" (which I don't advocate immediately following a breakup), then distance yourself. Remember, she owes you nothing now - not even an explanation why she didn't respond to your IM. It sounds harsh, but there's nothing pleasant about breaking up.

[misery12]

If I went down on her priority list, how come she hangs out with me more than she does her friends?

 

In the past 3 weeks we've hung out about 10 times or so.. all times having a great time.

My ex and I have a mutual female friend, who knows what my ex is feeling about us. But she promised my ex she wouldn't tell me.

This friend, who is very reliable.. thinks that I should just play it cool, and invite my ex over for a movie on the weekend or something, and maybe talk to her there..

Seriously though, if she doesn't care about me... and just wants to be my friend, why doesn't she treat me as a friend? why does she give me so much attention?

 

Believe me, I have been through all the feelings.. ups and downs, in the past 2 months it's been nothing but a roller coaster for me.. I am at the point where I deserve to let some things off my chest, and I want her opinion on it.

[OUTOFTHEBLUE9]

I take it she broke up with you? If this is the case then to me it seems like she is confused. She doesn't know what she wants. She still cares about you a great deal or she wouldn't be spending time with you. My ex is the same way. Everytime she calls, we have a great conversation, but when I have called her, she doesn't have time to talk and makes idle chit chat. She's never curtious to me, always "has to run", but when its the other way around, I'm ignorant, or disrespectfull.

 

Whatever you do, you shouldn't tell her how you feel or say anything to get it off your chest unless you want her to pull father back more and create more problems. I did this a million times with my ex and it took me those million times to realize how much more damage it created. I vow, never again. Mind you, don't take $hit from anyone, have your dignity and self respect.

 

If you can't continue talking to her, without bringing up your feelings then you need some time away to heal. You should tell her that its apperant that she has some problems that she needs to work out and you being with her isn't helping her find what she wants. Tell her you will give her the time and space she requires to make a decision. Your not going to wait for her, and for her to come find you when she is ready to talk.

 

Start NC with her and start healing. During this time work on yourself. Join a gym, read self help books, do whatever it takes to make yourself a better person for you. When the time is right (couple months, I think she'll be back before then tho), blow her away with all that you have become!!

 

If you only take one thing from all of this, Don't pressure her with your feelings and the way you feel! This isn't about you anymore, its about HER!

 

Sorry for the long post, this is just what I would do based I what I have learned in the past year from my ex and alot of great help from people here.