long-distance/cyber relationship..love?

[confused987]

my friend here has a question and will be speaking through me (lol)

 

i have a boyfriend... but he lives 3000 miles away...oh, and i met him on the internet.

 

we've known each other for about 2 months.. when we first "met" we chatted for a couple days but eventually stopped talking, (which is understandable because of the time difference.. he's about 5 hours ahead of me.. when i get online, its usually the wee AM hours where he is..) and about a week ago we started talking again

 

we really hit it off and it all happened so fast.. we're now considering ourselves a "couple" and in a long-distance relationship. i'm almost 16 and he just turned 21... i know, the age difference is a big no-no, but with some of the things i've seen here, i think 6 years is an acceptable age difference. (after all, that's the age difference between my parents).

 

he asked me waht i would say if he told me he loved me... i didn't know what to say (but i knew i liked him a lot) so i said that i'd probably say it back. every night for the past week, we've talked.. he'd stay up to talk to me (on the net, plus we have mics for the comp since it costs too much to use the phone) and we've said "love you" and "love you too"

 

he told me that he's falling really hard for me and can't wait until my 18th birthday so we can meet. he knows the state that i live in and i know the general idea of where he lives (it's hard for me to understand the non-state stuff..lol)

 

he's... hard to explain. i love talking to him and he makes me feel like i'm floating.. it's kind of corny, i know, but hey, i can't explain it any other way.

 

so tell me: is this way too soon? is it wrong? what's going on?

 

and most importantly: could this be for real?

 

thanky for any replies! -confused987 and friend!

[DN]

so tell me: is this way too soon? Yes.

 

is it wrong? Yes

 

what's going on? Online infatuation

 

and most importantly: could this be for real? No

[QTpie87]

o honey when I was 16 I was with a guy around that age, 23 actually, and he made me feel like he really loved me, and he wouldn't hurt me. and he lived close but I met him on the web, but guess what it was all a lie.

he hurt me, he raped me, he did a lot of things to me. Get out of his life before you get hurt. he could be some sort of a freaky web stalker. Stop talkign to this man, block him from your aol and everything.

 

It's a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes, and what sucks is that sometimes we don't listen to those who have already been there and done that, My mom warned me and I didnt' listen and It messed up a huge part of my life that will never be fixed, so please listen to me and get out of this while you still can.

 

if you need to talk just pm me.

good luck.

Qtpie87

[captain]

Hey,

 

I do think it's a little too soon to start a relationship with him. My current g/f, I met online. However, I actually knew her for 4yrs online before we decided to get together. I'm 21 now and my g/f is 19. I just felt that it was probably a good idea to wait because we got to learn more about eachother as the years went by (although sometimes we do wish we got together alot sooner)

 

All I can really say is, take your time and get to know him more. Once you have done that then you should have a better idea of how you feel and also be able to figure out if persuing a relationship with him is what you really want.

[Nkaleidoscopic]

6 isnt a big age lapse, when youre 20 and hes 26, but if youre a teenager and he isnt, thats different.

 

You seem infatuated. I agree with the above poster, give it time. If time proves that he IS for real, then he might be, but still be VERY careful.

[confused987]

i wasnt planning on meeting him any time soon, so there's no worries there. i just.. i dont know. i guess what i'm trying to say is: you don't know him like i do.

 

thanks for replying. i wanted some honest opinions, and thats what i got.

 

thanks.

[RayKay]

i wasnt planning on meeting him any time soon, so there's no worries there. i just.. i dont know. i guess what i'm trying to say is: you don't know him like i do.

 

thanks for replying. i wanted some honest opinions, and thats what i got.

 

thanks.

 

Sweetie, that's just it...not even you really know him like "you do" yet.

 

Online, it is just not real life. Everyone can be anybody they want too online. Online you don't see how their temper can break out at any time and lash out in anger, you don't see how they flirt with other women at the club or even go further, you don't see that really once he has you, he starts to ignore you, and those are the more "mundane" things that could happen....there is also the possibility of violence/abuse and so on.

 

On the internet, not even you really KNOW him.

 

16 and 21 is a big difference, I know right now it does not seem like it, but when you are 21, you will wonder why someone your age would be interested in a 16 year old...it is not the gap between ages that is the problem, it is the gap between life experience, emotional maturity, and being able to contextualize things in another way. I am not saying he is terribly emotionally mature, there must be something going on if he is interested in a 16 year-old, but it is not a very positive indication of who he is.

 

I would also say this is not true love...true love does not grow online through keystrokes...it grows through shared experiences with one another in the real world, both the good and the bad and it develops over time.

 

My guess though is things won't stay hot for that long, 2 years is still a long way away, and to fly 3,000 miles is not cheap.

 

Online, it is all just a fantasy. I would say you can keep talking if you wish to him, but do not allow it to limit your social life to the computer and him....as one day you WILL regret missing out on your friends and the fun of being a teenager. Do not hang all your hopes on him, treat it as a maybe one day you will meet, maybe not. And give it lots of time. And when/if you DO one day meet him absolutely do NOT meet him alone under NO circumstances. Honestly, you cannot trust someone you have never met.

[1LIfe1Love]

I agree with Captain on this, if you really have feelnigs for him than go with ur heart and get to know him more, yal stil lhave 2 years before he comes visit you, but you do have to relaize that there are people out there like QTpies 87 said, you just have to watch out. Personally, Im in a LDR myself, its been 1 1/2 years, Im gonna visit her in July, we both build a strong trust and honesty in the beggining of our realtionship which helps us stay together that long. hope this helped