Im sorry but what u say has not been true for me ive tried:/

[Shinobie]

U guys state that if u act confident around a girl it works.But it does not work for me and probably other people too.How attractive u are is the deciding factor all the time it seems like at least at my age.Like ive tried to keep on looking at girls and making eye contact but they never look over.Some even look away in the disgust which basically gave me the assumption that i must be pretty darn ugly to a lot of girls.Out of all the girls i have seen or been around like new young waitresses or girls at the mall or something a total of 0 have shown interest in me.So ive basically came up with the conclusion that looks are the initial factor for everything and that confidence doesnt mean jack crap if ur too ugly.I mean i would have tried to talk to them if maybe one girl would have made eye contact or shown interest but none of them did.

[Markers]

Well.. of course if you really look disgusting, (I'm not saying you do), any amount of confidence will not make you look good in girls' eyes. Being confident, however, sends the message that you're not a wuss and that you're comfortable with yourself and you couldn't care less if someone thinks you're ugly. I think girls find that attractive, unless you seem like arrogant idiot thinking you're James Bond #2 who can get laid with anyone anytime they want.

 

What have you exactly done? Because confidence trick worked like magic for me. What I did was to make eye contact when girls were looking at my general direction. Then they responsed to the eye contact and so on.. and I surely aint that good looking!

 

"How attractive u are is the deciding factor". Correct, but just looks does not make you attractive.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

well, i agree that u have not to listen to people here... u can take their opinions but u have to decide ur self what to do...

[Burning_Down]

I mean i would have tried to talk to them if maybe one girl would have made eye contact or shown interest but none of them did.

 

You've still got to go up and talk. If you think you're not good-looking then you've really got to go down the personality route and that requires actual contact.

[wierdo]

well the first thing i thought of when i read your story is creep.

 

now try not to take this hard, but have you ever been to a place with friends and a girl in the group goes.. "that dude keeps staring at me.. he's giving me the creeps".. are you sure you aren't a little stare bear?

 

try to go to a place, especially at your age, where there is not darkness and loud music, and with lots of young'uns around, like your good self... like a ball game or something.. and just hang. Girls are fickle little suckers, so if they get to know you, there will be some progress. believe it or not, most girls do something like this in their heads..

 

"oh, my god, that guy is sooo cute. why do i have to see him when i'm having a fat day/ got a pimple/ had no clean washing and had to wear these lame jeans.... it's not like it matters anyway,he's waaaay outta my league.. he'd probably never even look at me... yada yada yada"

 

and so they talk themselves out of smiling/ waving/ shacking up with you.

believe it or not, this nerves thing is a two way street. you can't just say.. oh i think i'm ugly, and no one wants to date me.. then give up.. what is that??? if you never throw it out there, you never know what you're missing.. but you gotta take the good with the bad..

 

hope you have some joy in the future.

Sarah

[socalguy123]

Ok..

HEre's a little story of me and one of my good friends from college. When we were first hanging out, he used to tell me that I could get women because I was better looking than he was. Empirically, I am better looking than he is. He's 5'7", has very crooked teeth (sorry, but true), and his face: not exactly easy on the eyes.

 

However, since I met him until now, he's been a very confident guy, to the point that he's coc.ky. He's very competitive, outspoken, extroverted, and goal-oriented. Throughout our college years, for whatever reason, he always had some very attractive girls hanging out with him. He ended up getting a very cute girlfriend, for most of college. And he still had very attractive girls hanging out with him, from different clubs and what not.

 

Me, I had my share, but my point is, he wasn't left out in the cold.

(To give you and idea of his personality, flash forward to now, he ended up going to Harvard Law school and Kennedy School of Government (part of Harvard)).

 

My point is: good-looking/cute is a start. "Acting" confident is a start. But deep down you have to be confident in yourself. Work on yourself, get off the video games, work out, get in shape, play sports, do something that you're really good at, with other people, be competitive. The confidence will be real, and girls will want to be with someone they are proud of.

 

my $.02

[rubberducky86]

It just sounds like you are talking to the wrong girls. In my own opinion you guys keep mentioning the "attractive" girls. Well guess what, the "ugly" ones like what you think you are want someone too. I'm not saying go for an ugly girl, but maybe your just trying for people who are too shallow. You know sometimes when people think they are good looking they get too co cky and don't want any of anyones time.

I have a friend at work who I have been trying to help. It hasn't worked too much, but than again he hasn't listened to me. Although just last night he even asked me to a GreenDay concert. Ofcourse I said yes, because he had the confidence to ask, (he is a creepy guy) but none the less, he is trying, I know he's trying, and I think his biggest problem is he doesn't even have just female friends. It's hard to get anywhere without a little input from the opposite gender.

[virtutis]

Here's my advice. For most girls or at least my friends we are attracted to the one's that can make us laugh, are sincere, and treat us right. Now, not all this is evident at once. It takes time. Sincerity takes time to see. Picking up girls at the mall isn't the best place either. We're usually focusing on clothes or chatting with our friends to notice to much else. However, there is the bad boy image. If you're not naturally a bad boy don't try to change into one cuz eventually the bad boy image wears off and girls will try to find someone who's doing something with their lives. The girls around your age are still immature, there are exceptions, but the majority are. Don't be in a rush to find someone. When you least expect she'll be right there staring you in the face.

[smallworld]

Back in my college days I had a lot of guy friends and a front row seat to their love lives. All of these guys were "average" looking, but the main difference between the daters and the dateless was confidence and number of women approached. My husband was one of those guys who swung for the fences. If one girl turned him down, he didn't get phased. He'd just find another one to flirt with.

 

Long story short, he's married and half of our college friends still haven't gone on their first date. I know it's hard to manufacture confidence out of thin air, but like Socalguy says, you need to focus on your strengths if you want to attract girls.

 

In addition to confidence, there are also has to be "chemistry." You can't expect to just walk up to a random female, put on your happy face mask, and hope she'll find you attractive. You have to attract her through flirting which lets her know you like her in a fun, lighthearted way. Flirting builds "chemistry." So smile. Flirt a little. Make it fun to be around you. This is what reels the girls in!

[ShySoul]

Your not experiencing real confidence. Just looking at girls doesn't show confidence. Instead confidence is something that comes on the inside. You are still calling yourself ugly, if you still believe that about yourself then no matter how hard you try to appear confident, your insecurities will show through and undermine your efforts. It all starts with being proud of who you are. It's recognizing and using your strengths and interests. Focus on what you like and what you are good at. The more you do things you like and the better you get at them, the happier you can become with yourself. That confidence shows through and is what draws people to you.

[Shinobie]

Personally i dotn go for the attractive girls because they are usually shallow and not nice.I usually go for the ok looking to not so attractive girls.But those ones still don't look over.So either i dont know whats wrong with me except for the fact that im ugly to all girls.Im not the type of guy that keeps on staring at a girl.I usually just look over to see if she is looking then look away.PLus when im at work like say we get a new young waitress.They always end up like my friend richard cause guess what hes hot thats surprising....Its like look at me im hot all the girls come flocking to me.Thats why i ask the question why am i bad looking and why are other people bad looking what did we do wrong?God just went poof ur ugly poof ur hot.Its like none of us did anything to get how we are but we were just made that way.Its like why were some of us born to be ugly and suffer being lonely.

[asdf]

sounds like to me you aren't really confident when you do it. how are you actually trying to appear confident? and you will still have to approach girls. it takes practice, so you can talk to as many girls as you want. just saying hi when you walk past is a good start.

 

there's no risk in it. even when ugly people or old people or men or any type of people i don't find sexually attractive just give me a nice smile and say hi walking pass, i say hi back, and it makes both people feel nice. only exceptions are when i've had an absolutely horrible day and i have my head down and don't even look at other people.

 

few basics: shoulders broadened, always have a smile on, never tilt your head down, have a slightly exagerrated swagger in your walk. imagine a co.cky guy, and pretend to be him. don't hide from eye contact. take up quite a bit of space in general (sit with your legs open, have your arms open in general). sit and stand straight. you can walk slower with longer strides. those are the basics when it comes to posture.

 

if you're worried about your looks, nearly ever guy can look at least average if they style right. if you go out in horrible cltohes, uncleaned, and with a bad haircut, then your chances are going to be diminished, no matter how confident you are.

 

oh, and try this. next time you pass a girl, make eye contact and smile first. then say hi after a beat (one second pause maybe). seems to work better than saying it straight away or too long after, although they usually don't backfire either.

 

when you talk, don't stutter and slow down, but don't talk too quickly. speaking slower without breaking pace expresses power and control.

 

it may sound like a bit to remember, but it's not that hard to absorb actually. the more important thing is that you'll associate these with signs of confidence, and naturally express them.

[Kitz]

How attractive u are is the deciding factor all the time it seems like at least at my age.Like ive tried to keep on looking at girls and making eye contact but they never look over.Some even look away in the disgust which basically gave me the assumption that i must be pretty darn ugly to a lot of girls.

 

So ive basically came up with the conclusion that looks are the initial factor for everything and that confidence doesnt mean jack crap if ur too ugly.I mean i would have tried to talk to them if maybe one girl would have made eye contact or shown interest but none of them did.

 

Just making and keeping eye contact has nothing to do with being confident. Its the way you stand, talk, act, react to different situations, body language, all the time... start acting it, even if its fake, and you'll start feeling it (seriously. )

 

You say your friend Richard has all the girls liking him. "Look at me im hot all the girls come flocking to me." Thats coz he has the confidence factor! YOU need to get that personality. Look at me, im hot, all the girls come flocking to me! Really.. I used to be really shy, insecure about my looks and all that, and no guys paid any attention to me. (even though I reckon I looked better back then than I do now, coz I didnt have to wear makeup. XD) But then I got rid of my shyness, became louder and flirtier and more confident and into a more "look at me, i'm hot, all the guys come flocking to me!" frame of mind, and hey, it comes true. ;D

 

Its not "God"s fault that you are ugly, its not your fault that you're ugly (if you even are, I dont know.) Its all to do with what you inherited from your parents.. and if your father was able to seduce your mother then im sure you can get a girl too.

[ShySoul]

Its all to do with what you inherited from your parents.. and if your father was able to seduce your mother then im sure you can get a girl too.

 

Right, always blame your parents. Just one question, what if it was his mother that seduced the father?

 

Anyways, NO ONE IS UGLY. Everyone is attractive in there own way. Did we learn nothing from stories like Beauty and the Beast or the Ugly Duckling? How the so called "beasts" or unattractive people turn out to be the most attractive people of them all? All it takes is real confidence in yourself, and the right person to look into your heart and see what an amazing guy you are. And you don't need to look it, you need to feel it. You can't fake confidence.That doesn't come from how you dress, walk, hairstyle, or have an attitude of "I'm hot." You just need to be able to honestly say to yourself, "I'm me, this is how I am. I'm not ugly, I look how I look. I like the things I like and I think the way I think. If your not going to notice me, you lose out." Just do the things you like and not care what others think.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I am curious, do good looking guys have to act confident too, or just ugly guys? I think a lot of us are in denial about just how much looks come into play. It may not be the only thing, but it is a big part of it. Good looks is a powerful weapon. A very VERY powerful weapon. Everything can easily fall into place for good looking guys. Why should they act confident and do all these magical tricks to get a girl? Because they don't need to. So what's the use for us ugly folk.

[smallworld]

I am curious, do good looking guys have to act confident too, or just ugly guys? I think a lot of us are in denial about just how much looks come into play. It may not be the only thing, but it is a big part of it. Good looks is a powerful weapon. A very VERY powerful weapon. Everything can easily fall into place for good looking guys. Why should they act confident and do all these magical tricks to get a girl? Because they don't need to. So what's the use for us ugly folk.

 

Good looks and confidence are a deadly combination, but if you can't have both, you're better off focusing on your strengths and flaunting those, because dwelling on what you don't have is the surest way to eliminate yourself from the dating pool. But in answer to your question Yes, good looking guys have to be confident too. Looks only get you so far in the "chemistry" department.

 

Btw Kyo, I've read a lot of your posts and your sense of humor is killer. If Woody Allen can mack babes, you can too! You just have to find the one girl who can't live without your cleverness. Fortunately for you there are lots of girls like that out there, but only if you give them a chance to get to know and fall for you. And before you say anything to contradict me, I do have one corollary: You have to flirt with these girls, not just make them laugh. You have to let them know you in your own subtle sexy way that they're unique and special to you. Make a girl feel like she's the most beautiful woman alive and she's putty in your hands. (Yep we're all vain like that.)

 

If you really want to mack girls, rent "Hitch" where Will Smith plays a date doctor who teaches 'nice' guys how to get the women of their dreams. There's some useful material in there and it's a fun watch. Hopefully you'll see what I mean... 8)

[wlfpack81]

So ive basically came up with the conclusion that looks are the initial factor for everything and that confidence doesnt mean jack crap if ur too ugly.

 

I could've told you that Shinobe. Like it or not looks do count in the intial phase of catching the eye of that guy/girl in public. We're not talking about a situation like at work or something were you get to know the person and eventually they become better looking in your eyes. We're talking about the everyday situation of trying to attract random people in public who you don't know at all. In this case looks certainly do count for a lot!!!

[whatdoyado]

I like personality and confidence in the guy himself. When his personality shines through and he respects himself that's what attracts me to guys. Looks are just a plus. For instance the guy I like right now is really geeky, and has this problem with his eye (it only looks one direction and sometimes one eye is looking at you the other is cross-eyed). But his confidence about how he personally feels about his eye is great. It does annoy him sometimes, but he just goes with it. That my friends is HOT.

 

You might think your the ugliest guy on this planet, but some girl out there is thinking that you are totally hot. Treat yourself with respect and have some dignity. Why don't you think your "HOT?" Just because not everygirl is walking up to? That's lame. Put yourself out there...use your confidence, and walk up to the girl, she's probably just dying, waiting for you to come up to her....remember not everygirl is going to be the one making the moves on you. Don't be so shy, get out there.

[asdf]

I am curious, do good looking guys have to act confident too, or just ugly guys? I think a lot of us are in denial about just how much looks come into play. It may not be the only thing, but it is a big part of it. Good looks is a powerful weapon. A very VERY powerful weapon. Everything can easily fall into place for good looking guys. Why should they act confident and do all these magical tricks to get a girl? Because they don't need to. So what's the use for us ugly folk.

 

The only girls that go after a wimpy good looking guy are the control freaks.

 

Nobody needs to do magical tricks.