Help! Whats wrong with me? i get stupid in social settings.

[RayF]

I just don't know whats wrong with me? Why do i get this feeling? theres something wrong with me.

 

This helped destroy a past relationship and it shattered me. And i've learned from it but it still happens and i just don't get it.

 

After the las one ended i came to terms with so much of my negative feelings towards myself and grew so much. but theres still this problem.

 

I always turn into a passive aggressive baby whenever a social situation arizes with my girlfriend(s).

 

To elaborate, I'm wonderfull in one on one settings, at home or in public places, just when there are other people involved, friends (either hers or mutual but never really mine) do i turn this way. I just get a bad feeling, act anti-social, sort of play passive aggressive while my girlfriend socializes with friends.

 

But i'm a social person and get along great myself with these people.

 

I just always get this "left out" feeling even though i'm not and i know i'm not.

 

And by passive aggressive it seems i usually act anti-social almost to get my girlfriends attention. I almost always ruin a good time by doing this too.

 

This isn't a conscious or vendetous thing, it's just the way i get because of this feeling that always happens.

 

It's not like i don't want her to have a good time, it's so stupid because when i hear she's hanging out with people we go to school with (even though i'm always invited) i get this feeling of, "hey, why them, why do you want to spend time with them?".

 

I'll always make excuses, liek, well i like this person but i think this other person's a jerk. so i'm not going, and i think to myself well she'll see. I won't come and she'll miss me.

 

It sounds insecure, but at the same time i'm really not that scared of losing this one. I feel i've matured to know i';ll be fine on my own.

 

It;s just this feeling... i don;t want to do this but i do. always.

 

I don;t know what to do about this.

[MetallicAguy]

Sounds like a self-esteem issue.

[QTpie87]

Yeah I think it's self esteem issue too, I am that way until I have hung out with the people like 2 times or so, and if I don't like them cause they are rude or idk just dull I usually stay that way. could that be the problem?

[freedom]

yeah i would agree...

[Marcus Sientre]

Wow.

 

Ok, well, I'll try and add what I can, it may apply to you, it may not, I'm not sure if it applies to me yet, its just a theory I've got. *shrugs*

 

I feel the exact. . .exact. . .same way you do. About everything you said, actually. I'm not big into the group converstations, but I'm great one on one. I tend to just keep silent in the groups. I could go point by point. . .and almost want to just because, while this certainly isn't something to be proud of, it's good to know I'm not the only one that feels this way, but anyway. . .

 

I've come to a conclusion that the reason I tend to feel this way about/around my girlfriend when she socializes and such is that, for me, she is about the only person I have a personal relationship with. I'm not worried that I'm going to lose her, and on an intellectual level, I know I dont have anything to worry about (yet those same feelings still come).

 

I get that ""hey, why them, why do you want to spend time with them?". " feeling a lot, and I think it's because, like I said, she's the only person I have a personal relationship with. So she basically gets all of my. . .I dont know, attention, and emotional energy. So I think it bothers me when she doesn't return it like I'm giving it (because now shes spreading it around, with the other people that she has relationships with). Really weird, I know. It's never a really thought out thing, it's always pure emotion driven. I rarely even think about what I'm thinking or how I'm acting until I've gone back to normal. I hate it, and I hate myself for doing that to her. I know she hasn't done anything wrong, but I still do that passive aggressive thing, like you said, probably just to get attention.

 

"I'll always make excuses, liek, well i like this person but i think this other person's a jerk. so i'm not going, and i think to myself well she'll see. I won't come and she'll miss me"--I dont have anything to really say there other than, Yep.

 

Well, I've been reworking my theory and changing it as I see fit, but that's all I have. As far as fixing it. . .I dont know. I'm at that stage now. It's just helpful (I think) to help identify the problem, it makes me a little more aware of it as things happen. The only thing I can think of is that I need to make more friends so that I dont totally rely on her. But thats brought along some trouble of its own. . .

 

/slight thread hi-jack, but maybe you can relate. . .

 

Even now that I think I know what my problem is, it's hard to fix it. I never made a consious decision that she would be my emotional all and everything, it's just the way I am I guess. I care about her more than anyone, and I want her to be happy, so the concentration I give just kinda. . .happens. Even though I know I should meet knew people, its hard (for a few reasons), because its hard to garner the emotional interest to forge a new relationship with someone else. It feels like its taking away somehow from what I have with my girlfriend, which it is I guess, and thats the whole point. But I'm having a lot of trouble getting over that. Combined with that fact, and that she's my only personal relationship, but I dont feel like I can talk to her about this stuff, I have to make a real effort to not focus on this situation as a whole and just to be happy, otherwise I get kinda depressed (its a horrible cycle, because you're sad that you have no-one to talk to about this problem, and part of the core of the problem is that you have no-one to talk to, so it just perpetuates itself). So it can be kind of hard to get a new relationship going.

 

Well, I think I've soiled your thread enough. My aim is Starion15 if you find yourself at all like myself. I don't know if we can help eachother at all, but, meh.

 

EDIT: My aim sometimes freezes up on me if I dont use it, so feel free to send me and insite pm if you want as well/instead, if you decide you want to talk.

[Marcus Sientre]

Then again, maybe I'm all alone on this.