Advice Needed Bad.........

[emma16]

This may raise some issues but just looking for advice.

 

A friend of mine just found out she is pregnant by a guy that she Hooks Up with once in awhile. They don't conversate on the phone and things like that.

 

Does she have to tell him she is pregnant with his child? She wants to have an abortion? How does she tell him?

 

I think he deserves to know and they should make that choice together? Being my own experience with having had an abortion. Plus the cost of it should be shared.

 

Anyone have advice I can give to her it is a huge decision

[in_the_mirror]

i think she should definatley tell the guy about the child. if he acts like a jerk about it and says he won't do anything and jus deny it, she will know then if she wants to raise a child with a jerk of dad or not. he should really know though if he may be a father, because it is his child too, and you should suggest to your friend to have a serious sit down with this guy.

[arwen]

I think he has a right to know. This right is related to his responsibility in the matter: if you sleep together, you might end up pregnant. I think you should tell her about your experience and advice her from there.

 

Ilse.

[RayKay]

I also think he has the right to know.

 

It is his child as well. Even if they are not "dating" or in a relationship, by having sex they both accepted the fact there was a risk of this happening since no birth control is 100% effective. I wish more people thought of that before sleeping with someone - "what would we do if we had an "oops" ". Can I see being prepared to accept those consequences...

 

Tell her about your experience, it may help her right now to have a friend who has been there and gone through a similar situation.

[emma16]

I am going to tell her my experience. I really want her to tel this person becuase it is a decision they have to make together.

 

I want to tell her that if she doesn't tell him she may slip up later after doing things her way and tell him. She had an abortion or shes keeping it.

 

I haven't told her my personal experience with an abortion yet. I do not want to sway her decision.

 

It does need to be made though between the two of them. I suggested she stops in at his baseball game and tell him they need to talk. I know its going to bne a big shock but the longer she waits I think the harder it is going to be.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I agree, he has the right to know. This is his child just as much as it is hers. However, about paying for half the abortion? If he doesn't want her to have one, he shouldn't be asked to pay for half of it. If he does, then I guess he should.

[emma16]

Well she is going to tell him. I feel I know what his response is going to be seeing as this past weekend I have been seeing him with other women.

 

I am a little worried about it being as she is a friend. I did sit down tonight after our softball game and tell her my experience.

 

I told her I made a quick decision and went through with it and didn't really think about it until it was too late. As I was already dialated and they were minutes away from taking my childs life no turning back no way out at that point. I wanted to scream no but it was all over in a matter of seconds and the next months were the worst of my life.

 

I drank and drank until the pain went away. When I look back though it was the right choice for me I was just not psychologicly ready for it at the time. I remember the day very well though and it was one year on june 2.

 

I want her to make the decison for herself however, I feel she should go to see someone to talk with this about it before hand. even after she tells the father.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

You're being a really good friend to her. Do tell her your experience -- she will know she is not alone. Encourage her to take a hard look at ALL her options, not just abortion. It's not as easy to do as everyone thinks - as you found out.

 

Good luck to you,

sheila

[emma16]

Well she is really affraid to tell this person. He is 30 years old and still lives with his parents and doesn't even have a stable job.

 

the big issue is she does not want to tell him in front of his friends becuase they will all wonder what is going on. She also is affraid to tell him over the phone so she mailed a letter to him today.

 

She now wishes she could get it back. It could be alright it can sink in for him that way and he can sit and think about the options they have also before they discuss the issue together.

 

The letter was a good thing because she had a moment of courage and otherwise she would just be scared at every chance she would get to tell him.

 

What do you think?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Well she is really affraid to tell this person. He is 30 years old and still lives with his parents and doesn't even have a stable job.

 

the big issue is she does not want to tell him in front of his friends becuase they will all wonder what is going on. She also is affraid to tell him over the phone so she mailed a letter to him today.

 

She now wishes she could get it back. It could be alright it can sink in for him that way and he can sit and think about the options they have also before they discuss the issue together.

 

The letter was a good thing because she had a moment of courage and otherwise she would just be scared at every chance she would get to tell him.

 

What do you think?

 

I think she did the right thing. Good for her! She is afraid of the consequences, of course she is, but sometimes our fears make things seem much worse than they are. I'm not sure what she has to fear by telling him about this.

[emma16]

Well the guy is a jerk. Let me tell you.

 

He doesn't believe the baby is his per a friend of his the timing would be off. to top it off she went to his game on Sunday and he wasn't there.

 

People keep tellign him that she wants him and all she does is talk about him. That's not true people just like to TALK and it is driving me mad. My friend met a guy that she really likes and would love to date but look what she is dealing with it is not very easy for he.

 

Now she makes the decisions all on her own. I have no cluse where she should go from here.

[RayKay]

Well, it does not matter what he thinks right now, as she can get a court ordered paternity test when the baby is born. I think she could even get one now, but it is more risky to the baby, so better to wait.

 

Unless he has an ultrasound machine he cannot tell if the timing is "off" as not all women ovulate at same point in their cycle, and people's cycles are different. He could of had sex with her anywhere from about 5 days before to a day after she ovulated whenever that was and she could of gotten pregnant.

 

Tell your friend to get a paternity test as soon as baby is born, if guy refuses, tell her to sue him for custody and either the court will order a test, or his lawyer will want him to get one to "clear him".