At what point do you give up?

[PlayBrat]

Hi all...

I have been doing NC for only about 4 days...

but I am posting here trying to gain some perspective and strength

through others wisdom and encouraging words.

I realize you are NOT to do NC as a way to get your ex back but as a way to move on for yourself and heal...however I know the majority

of people initially do NC in hopes to gain the attention of the person they want back. I have read many many posts where the ex will contact again after a certain period. My question is..through all of this, was there ANY point you just thought..I mean REALLY thought they were never coming back? At what point did they contact you? Has anyone ever gone months and then heard from them? I am having a down night...thinking about him a lot...but not feeling weak. I have been very busy, but night time is especially hard for me.

Any encouraging thoughts would be appreciated

Thanks in advance...

[hockeyboy]

i went a month once and she came back. this time ive gone 3 months and shes been trying to contact me for about 3 weeks. im calling her tonight...but if this were 3 months ago i would have called her the first time she tried contacting me. instead ive been putting it off for various reasons...you may find yourself in that situation too.

 

nights suck at first but they get much much much better. put it this way..im away on business now and am by myself, in my hotel room alone, and im so tired i just may fall alseep and call her tomorrow instead....everything comes with time...4 days in just a blip in the radar

[PlayBrat]

Thanks HockeyBoy...

 

I realize men and womens time lines differ as well. Someone made a point on another post that made a lot of sense..which is that 1 week to a woman is equivalent to 1 day for a guy...lol...

I am not sure how true that is...but it makes a lot of sense. Yeah nights are harder as well...I hope things get easier with time. Thank you for your input

[hockeyboy]

stupid things happen. my ex contacted me once because she was playing a game and remembered playing it with me. random.

 

 

its best to assume they will never call again because it could happen....just deal with that...if something happens maybe you can act on it, maybe you wont want to.

 

he broke up with you...in your mind you have to break up with him

[lifeiscash]

My ex e-mailed me today from Costa Rica where she is having summer classes for Spanish. She explains about how well off she is doing and how great things are and gave me all these details about what she does there. Then she asks how I'm doing and what I have been up to. It's been more than a month before we kinda split things off. I thought we would never talk again because she is real independent and I am never again going to submit and lower my self control like I had before.

 

So I just deleted her email and kept on going with my NC, not just because I'm not fully over her but because her privledge of being involved in my life has been taken away. I will never lower myself to just have some girl walk all over my heart. She overestimated my kindness as a weakness... never again.

[lyr521]

So I just deleted her email and kept on going with my NC, not just because I'm not fully over her but because her privledge of being involved in my life has been taken away. I will never lower myself to just have some girl walk all over my heart. She overestimated my kindness as a weakness... never again.

 

 

ARGH, i want to be like u!!!!!! thx for writing this reply to the original poster... ur right... i need to look at talking to me as a priveledge for him. HE hurt ME. HE betrayed ME. HE lied to ME.... im tired of his footprints on my heart (not the Jesus kind..the stomping evil ex boyfriend kind..)

 

 

*sigh* good night to all, im going to sleep. ill pray for everyone here on Enotalone...

[lyr521]

oh, Playbrat.. my NC has been going on for 3 days now... its hard..esp. since im used to talking to him every day.....ur questions are the same as mine so ill be keeping an eye on this post...

[Hope75]

Guys,

 

You really shouldn't be doing NC with the hope of getting your exes to come back. Each situation is different, and if the ex wants to come back, they will contact you, regardless of NC or not.

 

NC is to help you get over them and get well, and to be able to move on. If you are going into NC you should be doing it with the realization that the exes may not ever contact you, and this is the sad reality of a breakup.

 

I wish you both the best in healing and moving on, but there is a reason that you broke up and part of healing is accepting the reason and getting on with life.

[lelou]

My ex and I have been through 3 NC spells.

 

The first time he contacted me after two weeks. The second time he contacted me after 2 weeks.

 

This time he contacted me after a month. The difference this time is I have learned my lesson and will not call him back! There are only so many times you can go through these NC phases. And even if you start out secretly doing it to get him wondering where you are, if you are lucky, soon you really will have done it for yourself! So keep it up, I know it is HARD, HARD, HARD!

 

If my ex really wants to talk to me as a friend or whatever, this time I won't allow it until I AM ready. That is, if I will be ready.

[lelou]

i went a month once and she came back. this time ive gone 3 months and shes been trying to contact me for about 3 weeks. im calling her tonight...but if this were 3 months ago i would have called her the first time she tried contacting me. instead ive been putting it off for various reasons...you may find yourself in that situation too.

 

That is so true hockeyboy. My ex called me tonight and I am so happy with myself that i didn't pick up the phone on the first ring. My roomie was in the room with me so that helped a bit b/c she would have kick my butt.

 

However, when she left the room I wasn't even tempted to call him. It was strange. I still care for him, but I know where it all leads when you call them back and are not ready.

[Dakota6560]

Playbrat, It is going to be three weeks of NC for me and she has not tried to contact me once. I did tell her it would be best we didn't talk because she needs to live her own life as well as me and that wasn't going to happen if we stayed in contact with one another. As for your question about when do you think they will never come back is when you don't need or want them back. Don't wait for them live your life. Don't let your life be dictated by someone else's chose. I know you are barely at 4 days and you still miss his company but time will heal wouds. I too missed my ex dearly and although I still miss her today I am much, much better. My pain is no where the level it once was. Just be patient and keep being busy as you are doing. We all want them back but time will prove to be the ultimate judge. Ask me in about a month or so if you still want him and I bet your feelings will change.

[annie24]

I had an ex I dated for 4 months contact me 3 YEARS LATER! With a marriage proposal too! You know, and all the crap, "I love you, I miss you, you were the best" blah blah blah.

 

He was the worst bf I've ever had. Totally emotionally abusive. I had no problem telling him, "Hey - I moved on - so should you."

[fantasia2004]

you give up when they have no desire for you.......