Was this ok??

[PlayBrat]

Hi everyone...

I have been going back and forth with this guy for about 8 months...

He is is recently divorced and I am, trying to be understanding of his situation, but I realize I am way more into him than he is into me currently.

I know he needs time to just be single again, and to heal from his divorce...and I need to be strong and walk away.

The last few days I have sent him a couple emails...nothing heavy, just

to send him some pics and just lighthearted banter. He didn't reply...and it didn't bother me at the time because they didn't really require a response...however I am starting to feel really stupid...and just pretty

rejected I know in my heart it would have made me happy if he replied..knowing it wasn't neccesary..and this is how I know I need to stop this. I know part of the reason he doesn't reply is because I think he KNOWS I like him so much and he doesn't want to lead me on...but I just saw him recently, so WHY wouldn't he just TELL me to leave him alone, or that he isn't interested?? This has me SO down....

So today, I mailed him at work..and I didn't make any assumptions about why he has not contacted me...I said.."I guess this is a bad time to mail you, I know you're swamped at work...and it's starting to feel like I am writing to myself ..lol. It's pretty pathetic actually. Maybe I will talk to you at the end of the summer...maybe not. I'll see where I am then. I hope you have a safe summer"

I have intentions of doing NC now...and it will be hard for me.

Does this sound hopeless? I just wanted to get through the summer and be able to stay strong....

[DN]

Seems ok to me. I think you should also go out with other people and put this guy on the back burner.

[PlayBrat]

Thanks DN..I always like your advice, it's always so sound.

I agree...I think he likes me, but he isn't the type to dive into anything...which I suppose I should appreciate. I also know I can't just be his friend ...right now anyway.

[PlayBrat]

This is what I plan to do in the following weeks of NC

Week one

First I am going to eat some Ben and Jerry's Ice cream...

I'm going to drink a lot...probably wine...lol

I'm going to listen to a lot of sad love songs...

I'm going to cry, and berate myself for being such a fool...

 

Week Two...

I'm going to laugh at myself for being ridiculous

I'm going to wipe my tears..or at least keep them to a minimum

I'm still going to drink...probably a little less..

I'm still going to listen to sad love songs...

I'm still going to berate myself ..just not as harshly

 

Week three...

I am going to laugh hysterically at myself for feeling like a fool

I'm going to throw out the Kleenex...

I'm going to drink at those "iffy" times...but I will try to refrain

I'm going to put on the song "I will Survive" and sing in front of the mirror with a hairbrush as my microphone...

I will start treating myself more kindly

 

One month...

I will not even think of how foolish I felt a month ago...

I will replace Kleenex with a freshly made face.. with new make up..

I will replace that "drink" with water...plenty of water...

I will resume working out...this time with a vengeance...even harder..

and more determined...

I will feel much stronger....and ready to go out there..and try again

This is my one month "plan"

[Mun]

Hey there, I can certainly relate to you.. I dated that guy too! Well not your guy but the recently divorced--seriously ambivalent man-who was not ready for a committed relationship--who thought I was an amazing woman.

 

I suggest you give him plenty of space, you don't want to be his transitional (rebound) woman. Date other people and just stay open for the future when he does ( hopefully) get past his divorce and contacts you. You have to understand that it's not YOU that is the problem. He has a whole lot of issues to work out.

 

I hope I can save you some tears. I know I cried too many.

[PlayBrat]

Thank you Muneca...that makes me feel TONS better..because I

HAVE taken a lot personal...and he has told me it's NOT personal.

The attraction between us is very strong...and I have NOT even slept with him or been sexual. This is a very new experience for me.

I just wish he would just be a complete JERK, so I can somehow feel GOOD about not wanting to talk to him again....it would make it so much easier to move on...

I will take your advice though...and yes it IS hard. Very hard.

If you have anything else to share feel free to PM me

Thanks again

[Hope75]

Playbrat,

 

 

DN and Muneca as usual gave you some very good advice. If this guy is just coming out of a marriage he has some things he needs to work out on his own in his head and heart before he will be ready for anything serious.

 

You wouldn't want to be with him right away while he was still getting over the marriage and the prospect of being single (i.e. "unmarried" )

 

It doesn't have anything to do with you I'll bet, it is more likely that he met this fabulous women and the timing right now is not the best, so yes, keep with your summer plan (and maybe cut the drinking down a bit in your grieving stage... )

 

and see if he doesn't contact you once he's had some time to think his situation over and work out whatever he needs to work out.

[Mun]

I'll bet, it is more likely that he met this fabulous women and the timing right now is not the best,

 

That was my friends' line.. " the timing is just not right, I want to be single for awhile"

 

People will usually tell you what they need. It's important to listen to them...but most important to do what is right for YOU.

[PlayBrat]

Thanks Hope...those are very encouraging words...

I was exxagerating about the drinking (a little lol)

I hope you are right in that the timing is just off...I recall an email where he did say.."If the timing were different, who knows?" ...So I am just trying to NOT take everything so personal...

The next few weeks will be tough but neccesary. I hope it pays off...

.