Lily04 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Post edited just because I feel a bit uncomfortable posting so many personal details, if anyone goes to my school, etc. But I don't think we're going to end up dating anyway, so it doesn't much matter. I suppose I was just frustrated with not dating for so long... but it'll happen eventually... Thanks, lily04 Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I'd say he probably is attracted to you. Sounds like something a guy would do lol. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Perhaps... I guess it's just weird because he's 10 years older than me, and I'm not really sure if he sees me in that way, or if he just wants to make sure I'm OK for next year. I was really stressed out about the assignment he was helping me with, and he seemed really concerned about meeting me and making sure I was ok... but then he flirted with me. But I don't know if that means anything because he's a naturally flirtatious person in general. ugh. I guess I just don't know what to expect when (if) I meet him, and I hate feeling unsure. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 hmm... I would also agree that it sounds like he's attracted to you, but if he's a naturally flirtatious person as you say, then you can't say for sure. He could just be a nice, concerned prof. that's just looking out for your well-being. I've had those type of profs. before, they rule. Why not wait for his e-mail reply, and see... if he wants to meet you for drinks or something, that could be a sign. =) I guess the more important question is: are you interested in him? Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Oh believe me, I don't even think a normal even "naturally flirtatious" guy in his rational mind would do stuff like that and be really concerned about you and stuff. It's obvious he is into you. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Thanks guys. Sparrow, I'm somewhat interested in him... I really don't know. I was in the beginning, but then he started to turn me off because he's so eccentric. Like after our meeting he just did this weird, Spiderman like swirl, sprinted out of the chair, practically running out of the door, apologizing for the time. A few people just stared at him, it was quite embarrassing... and then when I met him in the department he got cross-eyed when looking at me and was quite excited, which sorta freaked me out... OK I guess he is attracted to me... I just don't know how I feel about it. I'm often attracted to TAs, but I typically like intelligent, more calm/rational people. He's just not really down-to-earth, sorta bouncy, I think he has ADD, and I'm pretty sure an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or something like that, from some of the things he told me about him... but he's supposedly quite brilliant as well... I really need to meet more grad students who are NOT my TAs. I'm typically attracted to older guys but when will I ever find someone I can date? I'm not quite comfortable with dating him, as he's 10 years older than me, and dresses a bit like my dad... and is really eccentric. I don't think I'm really attracted to him, but my love life is so stagnant/non-existant, I figure why the hell not just go out... Link to comment
Reilly2856 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 First of all, going out just for the heck of it, isn't going to do any of you any good. For one thing, if he's a nice guy as you say he is, why lead him on when you aren't really interested in him. Better to be just friends. Link to comment
SPark Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 link removed This is a related thread from another forum...to me the deciding factor (other than if you like each other, of course!!) would be whether he has any sort of say over your grades or other parts of your academic career...if not, no problem!! I am assuming he`s not married or otherwise attached, and that you are also single, but you don`t say. From your post, his "approach" seems rather hard-edged to me. I doubt he just wants to help you get into a good school, although maybe he could help with that. My best advice would be to ask the departmental staff at your college to give you the lowdown...does he hit on students on a regular basis? Have a reputation as a sleazy guy or something? The staff will know ALL. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 My best advice would be to ask the departmental staff at your college to give you the lowdown...does he hit on students on a regular basis? Have a reputation as a sleazy guy or something? The staff will know ALL. Ug. Don't do that!!! First off, no, the staff may not have the low-down on this guy. This will just incite departmental gossip, and worst off, they'll be like, "this undergrad was asking about you..." and they'll spread it all around the department. I'm in grad school - I know this is what happens. I'd leave all the other people out of it. He does seem to like you. Meet him in public, see how things go. If he starts to creep you out, just say you have to get going to meet your boyfriend, and leave. good luck! Link to comment
Mun Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 You don't really like this guy. You think his behavior is strange--and it sounds like it is. Don't date someone just because you are going through a dry spell. In fact, don't chase after someone just to have a boyfriend. Concentrate on your studies and hold out for that guy that asks you out and that you WANT to date too. Link to comment
SPark Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Annie, I guess the staff where I am must be simultaneously WAY better-connected and more discreet than other places, but I can sure understand your point. And no, don`t go out with him if you don`t really like him! Obviously not!! Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Pretty much all brilliant people are eccentric, plus there are lots of close lovers who often weren't into each other at first. Finally, ten years ain't that much. I say give him more of a chance and quit thinking of excuses not to like him but don't get serious unless you change your mind and decide he's really right for you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Annie, I guess the staff where I am must be simultaneously WAY better-connected and more discreet than other places, but I can sure understand your point. And no, don`t go out with him if you don`t really like him! Obviously not!! Yeah... I'm in a pretty gossipy department, so you may as well send out an e-mail to the entire department asking about the mental status and dating history of the guy. I mean... if you find him interesting, which I guess you must if you're posting about him, then I guess that getting coffee with him once won't hurt... but yeah, like the others said - don't force yourself to like him just because you don't have other prospects. If you want to get invovled with the grad students at your university, why don't you ask someone in your field of interest if they need an undergrad assistant. You'll wind up meeting grad students in the break rooms, or in the weekly seminar talks, so you'll wind up "in that crowd." good luck! Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Hey thanks everyone. Those were quite varied responses... heh. First off, I wouldn't approach the department about this at all. I'm currently attending a top university, and would be interested in applying here for grad/law school. I don't want anything to look fishy, and I think we're both responsible enough to handle this ourselves without getting anyone else involved. Plus, since he was my TA I actually just asked some of my friends in the class if he noticed his behaviour was a bit odd... like I told one of my friends that I found he acted really flirtatious around practically everyone in the class (not exactly true, but I didn't want to say full out that I thought he was hitting on me) and she said that she noticed this too... he just seems to flirt with students a lot, but I get the feeling it's just for fun, because it's his personality more than that he's actually trying to hit on students. He's a bit eccentric that way, so no one really thought much of it. And I actually never received an e-mail back from him yet, seeing if he wanted to get together to discuss things today. However, I can't meet him anyway as I have a lot to do this afternoon -- just received a call for a job interview, so it would be too tight scheduling. But perhaps next week. I actually really do want to meet a grad students/prof. to discuss doing research and such, and since he offered I figure why not. We can get together for coffee or something like that as well, but not necessarily continue anything further if I'm not interested. It's not like we're really "going out" even, just meeting to discuss grad school, etc... And to another person that asked, I'm not really sure if I'm interested in him or not... I was interested in many of my TAs before, but I'm not sure about him. And annie that's a good suggestion. I've already e-mailed a past prof. of mine to ask if I could do research with a prof. in the department (because I genuinely want to, not because I want to meet grad students though) and she said she'll look into it when she comes back in 3 weeks. I was hoping this guy could get me something though since he said he thinks I could "benefit" him, although he didn't say with what. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Hey, Thanks for referring me to that other thread (about the 59 yr old prof. attracted to a grad student.) I think I'm going to do the same thing as that girl (or what i assume she did anyway) -- basically use him for his connections, research assistance, etc. and just be friends with him, but not anything more. If he wants anything sexual, I'm really hesitant to do anything just because it falls into dangerous territory. Since he's not my TA anymore, I don't think I could technically get in trouble for anything, but if it happened to spread around the Dept. somehow, I don't want my rep. ruined. Especially since this is the sorta thing that can raise a "character fitness" question when applying for the bar... (I want to be a lawyer ideally.) I know that's thinking waay in the future, but I'm just cautious about pursuing anything of that nature. Being friends for now is fine though. And using him to get research positions or whatnot I'm fine with that as well. Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Lily I seriously doubt you will have problems being a lawyer because you dated a grad student. If you want to get into a good law school 65% of it is LSAT, the rest is really good grades, references and outside activities. Take plenty of courses for the LSAT. Do volunteer work such as helping homeless people, working with children, and maybe something intellectual like helping out for an art musuem. I plan on going to law school in a year although 'll unfortunately be 31 by the time I graduate. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Thanks Napolean. I think you're right, I'm being a bit too cautious about this perhaps. I just always analyze my options... if we break up in the future (this is assuming we even date of course!) and it somehow gets to the Department.. I'm just hesitant as to what will happen. But most of the profs. know me & like me anyway, so I doubt they'll do anything like that... I wish you good luck with law school as well! I'm trying to do some volunteer work this summer, such as helping to tutor adults with literacy problems and working for an NGO that promotes international peace and security, hopefully co-ordinating U.N. conferences and attending them and the like... and I'm hoping to do research at the side (i.e. work with a prof. doing research) but that's still very tentative. If not now, then I'm really hoping for next year. My grades my first two years were not great at all, however, since I wasn't sure about my major. But now I'm really aiming for the As... so hopefully my gpa can turn around If not that, then yes perhaps the LSAT can save me. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Undergrad/grad dating usually isn't a big deal unless the grad student is teaching a class that the undergrad is in. And even then, as long as the prof in charge of the class knows, it's not a big deal. The grad student just has to avoid any showing of favoritism. That said, if he's your former TA, it's not a big deal. Remember - you're both students at the same university, so it's not going to be taboo. But, it all depends on the social culture at your school. At worst, some people may poke fun at him for dating an undergrad, but that's about it. And it's not like you go around dating all of your TAs. Don't worry about it affecting your chances to be a lawyer Link to comment
Napoleon Bonaparte Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 I can't stress the importance of that test above all else. Make sure you take a course (princeton is probably much superior to Kaplan) in advance and use actual LSAT exam books which you can purchase at your local Barnes and Nobles. Time yourself. 35 minutes a section. Make sure your reading and reasoning habits are solid. The brain is a muscle as much as it is an apparatus for storing and reasoning. The test isn't about how smart you are (although you do have to be smart) but you gotta be focused for five hours if you are gonna do good (and you only get one ten minute break) The ivy league schools will probably require above a 168 + and if you can get A's or at least above a 3.8 it would be competitive for the top. Get above a 173 and you can expect somebody to really want you. Yale is probably still the top. Harvard of course is always one of them. Both NYU and Columbia are strong and tough to get in. Depending on your side of the country UCLA or Standford ain't bad either. Make sure your essays for being admitted are superb (the first sentence can always attract a readers attention) and stress the challenges you have faced to get where you are without becoming a sob story. MAKE SURE I REPEAT MAKE SURE YOU ARE REGISTERED FOR THE TEST SITE YOU WANT MOST SIX MONTHS IN ADVANCE. Link to comment
SPark Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 Yeah, law...I wandered into a pre-law class, loved the type of study, and was all set to start the process of getting into law school when I (backwards, I know...typical of me) figured out that passing a certain state`s bar exam basically meant that you intended to live and work there...and so I wouldn`t be able to just drop everything and move wherever and whenever I wanted (not that it turns out that I HAVE done so much of that, just that I wanted to have the option), so that was the end of law school! My opinion on power differential relationships is that they are BIG trouble. I could care less if the professor knows or if the TA is trying hard not to show favoritism....anyone who is responsible for giving grades needs to stay away from the students, at least until the class is over. If it`s a matter of grading multiple-choice tests and not essay exams, ok, maybe, but basically as I see it the problem isn`t age gap or status or whatever...it`s power differential and the abuse of authority. On the other hand, as the original poster pointed out, teachers/ TAs who pursue former students or students in the same department need to realize that the student`s motivation might be more to get some "out of class" assistance than because you`re so hot!! Still, I really think that anyone responsible enough to hold a teaching position or a management-level position needs to be responsible enough to recognize that there are ethical issues here, beyond just attraction. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 Thanks for the advice. I think it's fine to date a student as longer as you're not in the TA/prof's class anymore. That said, he still never e-mailed/called me back, and I have a feeling he might not... hmm. I just wanted to meet to discuss doing research and courses for next year basically, not even really anything more... I was somewhat attracted to him in the beginning I suppose because he was my TA and there was some forbidden attraction there, which made it more appealing, but now that he's not my TA... meh. I'd be more than happy to use him for essay assistance/reference letters for next year though, if possible... =) Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 hehehehe... I... erm... also had mega crushes on my TAs when I was an undergrad... In fact, I even had some of them ask me out once the class was getting near the end! Then, when I was a TA, my thursday 5 PM section had all the hot frat guys in it! hehehehe... Don't worry about it - that he hasn't e-mailed you. He may be out of town or whatever. Besides, you weren't all that into him, now were you? As for letters of rec, profs will be better than a grad student's. Start an assistantship. It will help you out the most. Good luck! Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 Thanks Annie! You're quite helpful. I am really trying to secure an Assistant Researcher position somehow, either at my school for a prof. or at a good legal/political-related NGO in my city. I doubt I'll get the latter since my grades from my first 2 years really sucked... but getting a research position at my school might be easier since profs. know me, and know I'm a hard-worker and very passionate about doing research, and my field of interest. Plus I typically do well on essays and research... just screw up on exams. But I'm not sure about getting that now since it's already summer. I should've asked earlier, it might be too late now. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 No.... it may not be too late. Just send out a few e-mails, see if anyone needs some assistance. You may not get paid, but at least it will be good experience and will look good on your resume. Link to comment
Lily04 Posted June 10, 2005 Author Share Posted June 10, 2005 Ok thanks. I will try doing that tomorrow, I don't have much time tonight...and I'll just hope for the best. =) Link to comment
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