Should i give up?

[Kehki]

I've been working in this job for 9 months and it is only a internship. It pays poorly but i know when the real job begins the payment will be higher. I do know that my boss wants to hire me since the other people who work with me told me so, but the treatment from both bosses is terrible, sometimes i have to be all alone in the whole shop. The bosses dont care about the conditions or the stuff we use, its aged and well, just broken.

So i have been thinking if i should stay there. Its my first job and i feel like i could do better if i had a chance but dissapointing my mother feels so painful. She told me to stay there because we will not have enough money to live.

Not only that, my depression is getting worse and worse so it feels so hard to keep going there. I've been crying because of this situation few times, its getting hard to even think about getting out of bed, suicidal thoughts have been in my head for the whole month.

My mother knows that i have depression, she doesnt know about the thoughts though. She also said that staying at home (if i got fired) would not do good for me and i agree but living this way is too hard for me.

I dont know what to do, please help me

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Kehki said:

. I've been crying because of this situation few times, its getting hard to even think about getting out of bed, suicidal thoughts have been in my head for the whole month.

Sorry this is happening. Please see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health and get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. 

Please contact the national mental health department in your area. They will listen to you and help you find the care you need. 

As far as your job, are you in training? Did you go to school for this position? Please keep your CV and LinkedIn profile updated and continue to search for and apply to jobs.  Do you live at home with your parents? How is the rest of your personal life and family life? 

[Kwothe28]

Would the overall payment actually improve the quality of your life? Meaning that if overall payment is very good that you would be able to live more comfortably and have less stress in your life?

If the answer to this question is "No", then the job is not worth it at all. You are already depressed and suicidal. If the benefit of having more money wont at least make your life easier so you could handle workload and stress of a job, then the job itself has no benefits for you. My first bigger job was in a way like yours. Worked terrible hours(mostly night shift), Boss was and still is a terrible human being and due to me overworking I had almost no time for my friends and family. But I at least had pretty comfortable money to live so that helped. If you dont think that would help your situation, then yes, you should give up. Maybe even more because your mental health is detoriating a lot because of it. 

Your mother will understand. After all, you can find another job after this one. Parents are hard on us sometimes. But she should be able to understand and support your decision. Especially with your mental health on the line.

And yes, you should contact therapist about those issues. 

[catfeeder]

If this is an internship, contact your dean or the placement director at your school and discuss your options for a new placement. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Try and find a new internship that meets your needs.

[Morello]

A "middle-ground" way to approach this would be to mentally "check out" from this work experience, and use it just as a learning experience until you are relocated to a new internship opportunity or quit altogether.

It's not easy to do, but perhaps framing it as a stepping stone might help you look over this and think big picture. While I normally would suggest quitting the internship ASAP to look after your mental health, I suspect you might have to consider both looking after yourself (getting the professional care and support you need) AND keep attending this internship while actively looking for another opportunity. I say this because the financial problems themselves (including the need to bring home some cash) can't be ignored, and they sometimes can do a number on our mental health too.

Now, a quick question: do you think the way your boss is treating you is likely to be the major cause of how you're feeling at the moment, or would you suggest this is bad but is mostly being exacerbated because of your mental health? If the former, I very much encourage you to quit already. But if not, consider if quitting will make things better and not worse. It's not an easy decision to make, but I wish you well, and please try to access the mental healthcare services available to you.

Suicidal thoughts normally arise from mental health disorders (i.e. chemical imbalances in our brains that make us get very anxious and/or depressed), so you should treat this the same way you would for dealing with a cardiovascular issue or a knee injury. You need a health professional to look after you and start a treatment plan to get better. That should be your absolute priority at the moment.

 

 

 

 

[Kehki]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

As far as your job, are you in training? Did you go to school for this position? Do you live at home with your parents? How is the rest of your personal life and family life? 

I am.

I went to high school that practicly taught me to work in a werehouse, so this isnt really the type of work i wish to do, nonetheless i decided to accept any job to make some money

I think my personal life is OK, my family life is something i wish i could improve.