Is he interested or not so much?

[Jaunty]

I understand that you feel badly about this, but please don't take it personally.  You and the guy are strangers.  He does not know you, you've never spent any time together, and there is no reason why he should be very much "into" you.   He probably thinks you're attractive so it's not insulting that he would like to hookup, right? 

And really, rather than being angry, you should be thankful that he did not waste your time and possibly mislead you by pretending he was interested in anything more than fun casual sex.  

But that's not what you're into. So, no harm, no foul.   And in the future, do not get wrapped up in "he said she said" from other people, or trying to assign deeper meanings to simple things like a guy putting on his jacket.  

If a guy is interested, he needs to be interested enough to approach you and try to get to know you.  Otherwise just move on.  

[VasileiaM.]

9 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

I understand that you feel badly about this, but please don't take it personally.  You and the guy are strangers.  He does not know you, you've never spent any time together, and there is no reason why he should be very much "into" you.   He probably thinks you're attractive so it's not insulting that he would like to hookup, right? 

And really, rather than being angry, you should be thankful that he did not waste your time and possibly mislead you by pretending he was interested in anything more than fun casual sex.  

But that's not what you're into. So, no harm, no foul.   And in the future, do not get wrapped up in "he said she said" from other people, or trying to assign deeper meanings to simple things like a guy putting on his jacket.  

If a guy is interested, he needs to be interested enough to approach you and try to get to know you.  Otherwise just move on.  

  To be honest, I thought his interest was real. It was nice to ask me questions about me and ask him too. His face expressions I didn't like. But these experssions was the one I should know his true motives, the way he looked at me. You are so true about the guy approaching me and not put his friends. Third people may complicate things more. You see his friend didn't tell that my friend only wants hook ups with girls and isn't interested for serious relationships. And he didn't have the guts to tell my cousin for 6 days that he doesn't like that your cousin wants something serious, he liked me but not enough because he wanted a hook up! 

[rainbowsandroses]

17 hours ago, VasileiaM. said:

It's been 5 days so i don't think his interest was real. He could have sent a message to my cousin instead of his friend. He wanted to know what I like in a relationship, he learned that I want something serious but to know the other first and I think for this reason he hasn't say something to his friend. But this is not interest like his friend said, this is I want for one night something to have fun. They confuse the meaning I'm showing real interest to know this person not something quick for one night. False kind of words he used. He could have said to his friend that I don't want to know her more, I want something quick. I'm glad I understand his true feelings about me. I don't want a ***boy in my life who looks at me only for my body and to put me on his list! 

Why are you making such negative assumptions about him, that he used false words, he's a ***boy and not interested in a relationship?

You had one one conversation with him!  You have no idea what he's thinking or feeling,.  I've learned to not trust what third parties say.

Why not simply continue living your life, meet and date other men and if this man calls and asks you out, fabulous!  

Assuming you're still interested and by waiting a bit, that's the risk he takes.  

Or perhaps he simply changed his mind.  

You sound intense.  

Relax and enjoy the process wherever it leads,, again you had one conversation with the guy. 

[VasileiaM.]

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Why are you making such negative assumptions about him, that he used false words, he's a ***boy and not interested in a relationship?

You had one one conversation with him!  You have no idea what he's thinking or feeling,.  I've learned to not trust what third parties say.

Why not simply continue living your life, meet and date other men and if this man calls and asks you out, fabulous!  

Assuming you're still interested and by waiting a bit, that's the risk he takes.  

Or perhaps he simply changed his mind.  

You sound intense.  

Relax and enjoy the process wherever it leads,, again you had one conversation with the guy. 

  In a post after this I said that after 6 days I learned that he wanted a hook up. His friend told my cousin he only wants hook ups and never a serious relationships so of course he wouldn't give me a chance to meet again and that he liked me but not enough because I didn't want a hook up and he didn't want dates only to meet for sex and leave. The problem is that he put his friend ask me if I'm single and into serious relationship or one night stand, but his friend knew that he wanted a hook up and didn't say it to my cousin to clear things from the beginning. And the other thing is that he puts his friend to ask girls for hook ups and to sound it better asks if you like relationships, although he obviously wants a hook up. This is not something a third person must know. If he wanted relationship, it was okay, not bad to tell his friend. But not for a hook up because one person would know what would you do if you meet!  

[MissCanuck]

Next time, avoid guys who communicate through third parties. 

Period. 

 

[Jaunty]

8 hours ago, VasileiaM. said:

  In a post after this I said that after 6 days I learned that he wanted a hook up. His friend told my cousin he only wants hook ups and never a serious relationships so of course he wouldn't give me a chance to meet again and that he liked me but not enough because I didn't want a hook up and he didn't want dates only to meet for sex and leave. 

But - you barely ever spoke to him, you crossed paths one time, and he did not mislead you AT ALL.  Your whole experience and emotional reaction over this stranger (who did nothing bad to you at all) is because other people told you a bunch of stuff.

The guy NEVER even made an effort to "meet for sex and then leave."   He did exactly zero things to engage you in any way besides some simple chat in a cafe one afternoon.

Forget it and if your friends / cousins whoever try this again, DO NOT pay attention to them. 

If a guy wants to date you OR meet for sex with you, you'll have to figure that out with the guy himself. 

[VasileiaM.]

4 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

But - you barely ever spoke to him, you crossed paths one time, and he did not mislead you AT ALL.  Your whole experience and emotional reaction over this stranger (who did nothing bad to you at all) is because other people told you a bunch of stuff.

The guy NEVER even made an effort to "meet for sex and then leave."   He did exactly zero things to engage you in any way besides some simple chat in a cafe one afternoon.

Forget it and if your friends / cousins whoever try this again, DO NOT pay attention to them. 

If a guy wants to date you OR meet for sex with you, you'll have to figure that out with the guy himself. 

  He told his friend to ask my cousin what I prefer because he didn't want to ask me face to face and so he will learn from another person what I want and it will be more easy for him instead of asking me. For this reason he didn't want to meet me again because he only wanted a hook up and it will be a waste of his time to change my mind. I agree with you that he should have asked me with a nice way to find out. 

[smackie9]

Simple math: Asked are you into hookups or a relationship-you say relationship-he ghosts = he wanted a one night stand. He's a young dude, growing up in an immature dating culture. He's not anywhere near a man yet....his B@$%s haven't dropped lol. 

[rainbowsandroses]

29 minutes ago, VasileiaM. said:

 He told his friend to ask my cousin what I prefer because he didn't want to ask me face to face and so he will learn from another person what I want and it will be more easy for him instead of asking me. For this reason he didn't want to meet me again because he only wanted a hook up and it will be a waste of his time to change my mind. I agree with you that he should have asked me with a nice way to find out. 

I'm sorry but this^⁵ sounds like one of the biggest loads of **** I've ever heard.

Grownups don't behave this way as third parties can be unreliable twisting or misinterpreting statements and information interjecting their own spin.  Intentionally or unintentionally.

It's called 'hearsay' which is inadmissible in a court of law for this reason.  It's NOT reliable. 

My guess would be all this drama after one conversation turned him off and whatever interest he had (not in hooking up necessarily but getting to know you on a date) died as a result.  

Your cousin or whoever told you he was only looking for a hookup after previously telling you otherwise didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you the man lost interest/changed his mind which seems silly given you only had one conversation,, but that's what I believe happened. 

[VasileiaM.]

14 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I'm sorry but this^⁵ sounds like one of the biggest loads of **** I've ever heard.

Grownups don't behave this way as third parties can be untrustworthy twisting or misinterpreting statements and information interjecting their own spin. 

My guess would be all this drama after one conversation turned him off and whatever interest he had (not in hooking up necessarily but getting to know you on a date) died as a result.  

Your cousin or whoever told you he was only looking for a hookup after previously telling you otherwise didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you the man lost interest which seems silly given you only had one conversation,, but that's what I believe happened. 

  Not at all. He only wants hook ups. He learned it the day his friend asked my cousin what I prefer. My cousin told me everything(without tell anyone else or to them) but in this friend told that I don't tell my cousin who is interested in her. Till today these two don't know that I knew what happened. If I see one of them or the two, I will play it cool because they know that I haven't heard anything. Maybe they think that my cousin tell me but they are not sure because he told that I will not tell her. There is no drama like you said. 

[Jaunty]

NOTHING HAPPENED

[VasileiaM.]

3 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

NOTHING HAPPENED

  And I couldn't agree more. I can't disagree with you. Six days passed because I didn't know what he wants. I'm glad I didn't approach him first after I learned the first day that he was interested in me.

[Jaunty]

This is the last time I'm going back and forth about this, but I will try this once again because I think it's important for you to understand:

You SHOULD have approached him if YOU were interested in him.   Or, maybe flirted to invite him to approach.

Since he did not respond to you when you left and said "bye," though, I would not have thought he was interested in anything (hookup, relationship, chatting - none of that) if I'd been in your position.

So the whole part of "learning he was interested" from your buddies was useless.  He did not ACT like he was interested so that would be the thing to pay attention to.  

 

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Next time, avoid guys who communicate through third parties. 

Period. 

 

Yep, you deserve a guy who doesn’t try to make friends into his pimps.

[MissCanuck]

Seriously, OP. 

Don't drop your standards and allow boys in your life who send their freakin' friends to ask you questions about your sexual or dating preferences. I would have immediately discounted this clown. 

Why didn't you?