Husband makes no effort, I feel invisible

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Bat, I wasn't suggesting he clean the house or even load the dishwasher, those things can wait if lord forbid OP's husband doesn't know how to.😳

I'm talking about basic compassion and thoughtfulness like helping with kids, ordering take-out, basic stuff not requiring any special cleaning skill or knowledge,  thus allowing his wife to rest and feel better. 

Versus laying on couch doing nothing and scrolling on his cell phone. 

OP's husband knew what he should  to do, bottom line is he didn't want to.  He didn't 

[rainbowsandroses]

@Kathryn657xx, has your husband been diagnosed with ADHD or another mental disorder like autism?  You didn't mention, so assume not?

Re him not knowing what to do, given the fact he is an adult, I find this difficult to believe, I can't wrap my brain around it. How did he get on before you came along? 

But even besides that, even with ADHD or autism, most people are taught while growing up that when a loved one is sick - your spouse, a parent, a friend? - you offer to help.  In whatever way you can. 

This does not require any special housecleaning skills or mind-reading ability, or superior communication skills on yout part.

It's called being a compassionate thoughtful human being who cares.

He's not and doesn't. Not from what I've read. 

I think you know what to do, it's simply a matter of finding the strength to do it. 

For yourself and your precious children who are witnessing all this dysfunction and forming their own opinions/conclusions which no doubt they will bring with them into their own relationships when they become adults.

Good luck whatever you decide. 

EDIT:  Your affair was wrong obviously but irrelevant here as this extremely unhealthy dynamic between you was set in place prior to your affair.  

I would guess long before your affair ever happened.  

 

 

 

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Bat, not to be dismissive of your discomfort, but a hurt arm from a vaccine is a lot different from excruciating headache, nausea and vomiting, the latter of which can render a person down for the count!

I'm actually shocked that OP's husband, upon seeing her in this type of distress (which would be hard to hide), offered NO help and chose to laze on the couch on his cellphone. 

There is nothing justifying such insensitive and thoughtless behavior imo.  Nothing. 

Anyway, I see I'm in the minority on this so letting it go.  Agree to disagree. :))

Sorry I deleted my post. Actually no it’s not because specifically if you don’t have use of one arm then tasks like taking out the garbage or lifting heavy things become really painful.  So the other spouse should figure that out and take over. Sure. That’s nice. It’s also perfectly nice for the spouse with the sore arm to say - hey could you do X and Y tonight because I probably shouldn’t be lifting things like this. I think it’s fine if it’s something like a headache or back pain to say what you need. By contrast if the spouse is bedridden with a fever or some other illness then obviously the other spouse should assume that whatever she or he needed to attend to while upright won’t be possible. She was walking around and expected him to know to get up and do what she usually does for cleaning. Anyway I deleted it because I figure let’s agree to disagree. 

[rainbowsandroses]

Bat thanks I deleted my response after I noticed you deleted yours.

I've said my piece and wish @Kathryn657xxluck whatever she decides.