I’m gay and think I’m in love with my str8 cousin

[ConfusedGayDude]

I am gay my cousin is straight. He is totally fine with that. The problem is that I am extremely attracted to him, and I feel that he knows this when we hang out, we always play flirt, but when it gets to a certain point, he always just says things like it’s a shame you’re my cousin haha so it plays with my head, you know? Even though he’s straight, I know he would be very open to experimentation with the right guy from conversations we have had but I worry that the stigma of two cousins first cousins at that would not fly. Call me perverted. If you will I won’t judge, but I would go for it. I would give it a shot. I really would. You only live one life and it’s not like we can procreate so we wouldn’t have deformed Babies, but I worry that he would be so grossed out. He may never talk to me again, even though he blatantly flirts back all the time when we’re together, I mean we’ve jerked off together in the same room, but not touched each other and completely comfortable with that he is as well. He’s even said that so it makes me wonder and ponder, but I just don’t know what to do and if I should finally tell him I feel. 

[SooSad33]

Curiosity is normal, What's your ages?

I have a nephew who had gone through his own 'curiosity stage' and admitted he may be bi, but is now with a steady gf. And he's 2 yrs into high school. So, I see it as he may have just been more curious and now knows what he does prefer.  It happens.

As for this thing you two have going on .. It IS very risky as you mentioned, what if he flips eventually?  This can cause an uproar in your relationship. 😕 

He is 'family' to you and it'd also be very straining on everyone including you, should you feel this need to keep secrets and should things get known, the reaction from everyone in your family unit.

So, please think hard on this.  It may be thrilling & exciting for now.  But may be more stressful over time.

Is it maybe best to seek this type of relationship outside your family?

 

[ConfusedGayDude]

Thank you so much for replying that means a lot. I feel twisted and perverted I know and I feel like this is the only platform that I can actually vent these feelings on because they’re not normal feelings and I feel ashamed for them in Waze and other ways I don’t it’s so confusing, I don’t know what to do. I’m so very alone. Thank you for reaching out and replying so far you’re the only one, but I mean so much it really really does and I live alone I have agoraphobia I don’t leave the house often at all I really can’t hardly but maybe see you this site. I can finally get some advice from people let’s hope thank you again