weird feeling …

[asddd]

im in a relationship but ive been feeling like im wasting my time with him. i love him and i cant live him but just i feel like i am wasting all my teenage years on this one guy. i think  im experiencing that because we have different beliefs and i hurt him in the past so he doesn’t let me do some things, and because we live far away from each other so we cant make the most of our relationship. i feel guilty for thinking about him in that way, like he is a waste of time… what should i do???

[Batya33]

Accept that you want to see what else and who else is out there and tell him you want to start dating other people.  No need to feel guilty -feelings are feelings!

[asddd]

17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Accept that you want to see what else and who else is out there and tell him you want to start dating other people.  No need to feel guilty -feelings are feelings!

but i also dont want to leave him

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, asddd said:

 i am wasting all my teenage years on this one guy. we have different beliefs.so he doesn’t let me do some things

we live far away from each other so we cant make the most of our relationship.

 Your instincts are telling you something is up. Have you met in person? How often do you see each other? Do you go to school? Live with parents?

How are your beliefs different? What do you mean by  "he doesn’t let me do some things"? How can he enforce this at a distance?

Do you have trusted friends and family you can talk to? Trying to change and control you are red flags.  Yes, you're wasting your youth on a controlling cyber-relationship.

Please read up on red flags for controlling relationships. Ask adults for help to extricate yourself from this 

[Batya33]

15 minutes ago, asddd said:

but i also dont want to leave him

Why? Are you afraid of being alone/you won't find anyone better? Would you like if it he stayed with you and felt like he was wasting his teenage years on you?

[asddd]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Your instincts are telling you something is up. Have you met in person? How often do you see each other? Do you go to school? Live with parents?

How are your beliefs different? What do you mean by  "he doesn’t let me do some things"? How can he enforce this at a distance?

Do you have trusted friends and family you can talk to? Trying to change and control you are red flags.  Yes, you're wasting your youth on a controlling cyber-relationship.

Please read up on red flags for controlling relationships. Ask adults for help to extricate yourself from this 

no i didnt met him in person, we live in different countries, yes i go to school and live with parents.

i mean like political views, we think very differently on these topics.

by he doesn’t let me do stuff i mean that i broke his trust a few times so now he just doesn’t want me to do some things so i wont hurt him again.

well he can’t enforce it on a distance, i just know i will feel bad if i hurt him again and i dont want him to break up with me so i just control myself now

 

[asddd]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why? Are you afraid of being alone/you won't find anyone better? Would you like if it he stayed with you and felt like he was wasting his teenage years on you?

just most of the time i feel good with him and i dont want this to go away

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, asddd said:

no i didnt met him in person, we live in different countries, yes i go to school and live with parents.

i mean like political views, we think very differently on these topics.

by he doesn’t let me do stuff i mean that i broke his trust a few times so now he just doesn’t want me to do some things so i wont hurt him again.

well he can’t enforce it on a distance, i just know i will feel bad if i hurt him again and i dont want him to break up with me so i just control myself now

 

So this is an online interaction? Yes you are wasting time being in an online relationship.  It's not anything like a real romantic relationship in person. He sounds controlling.  How do you know he is who he says he is?

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, asddd said:

just most of the time i feel good with him and i dont want this to go away

What would go away - being in a fantasy interaction with a person in another country? Is that what you want for your future? You feel good when you interact online and flirt and get along.  That's not about reality -that's not a real relationship.  

[asddd]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

 How do you know he is who he says he is?

i am sure that he is who he says he is i have proofs

[Batya33]

Just now, asddd said:

i am sure that he is who he says he is i have proofs

You hired someone to do a thorough background check? If not then no -you do not.  And you are a minor, yes? Even if he is who he says he is you are not in a romantic relationship because you have never met in person and have no plans to.  Do you find it exciting to make it up to him by abiding by his rules and restrictions he types to you and tells you over the internet? Do you have a social life?  Friends in person, acquaintances in person? 

[asddd]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You hired someone to do a thorough background check? If not then no -you do not.  And you are a minor, yes? Even if he is who he says he is you are not in a romantic relationship because you have never met in person and have no plans to.  Do you find it exciting to make it up to him by abiding by his rules and restrictions he types to you and tells you over the internet? Do you have a social life?  Friends in person, acquaintances in person? 

no im not a minor and we have plans to meet each other. yes i have social life and friends in person 

[Wiseman2]

13 minutes ago, asddd said:

 i didnt met him in person, we live in different countries.  he doesn’t let me do stuff i mean that i broke his trust a few times so now he just doesn’t want me to do some things so i wont hurt him again.

You're in a dangerous situation. Please talk to trusted adults. Do your parents know about this? Is there trouble at home?

This could be a scammer, conman, catfish, dirty old man. Please do not give out any personal information. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, asddd said:

no im not a minor and we have plans to meet each other. yes i have social life and friends in person 

So when are you meeting and how many times have you planned to meet in person but you didn't? My strong suggestion is to stop wasting your time pursuing a fantasy with a person who doesn't trust you and tries to control what you do.  Focus on your real life friends.

[Cherylyn]

If anyone is a waste of time for you,  they're a waste of time.   You have different beliefs,  you hurt him,  he doesn't let you do things and both of you live far away from each other.  It sounds like the relationship is doomed for failure.

[asddd]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're in a dangerous situation. Please talk to trusted adults. Do your parents know about this? Is there trouble at home?

This could be a scammer, conman, catfish, dirty old man. Please do not give out any personal information. 

i am not in a dangerous situation, my parents know about him and they are okay with that, theres no trouble at home. i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years, i know who he is , i saw him i am 100% sure he is a real person who isn’t trying to scam me or something 

[asddd]

7 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

So when are you meeting and how many times have you planned to meet in person but you didn't? My strong suggestion is to stop wasting your time pursuing a fantasy with a person who doesn't trust you and tries to control what you do.  Focus on your real life friends.

now it is hard to travel from my country to his country, also we started to get closer just recently so we dont have detailed plans now, but we want to do it. 

[Batya33]

Just now, asddd said:

i am not in a dangerous situation, my parents know about him and they are okay with that, theres no trouble at home. i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years, i know who he is , i saw him i am 100% sure he is a real person who isn’t trying to scam me or something 

Seeing him means nothing.  Did your parents hire a reputable company to do a full background check especially since you might meet him in person? You have never met in person so you don't know him for purposes of knowing his suitability for a romantic relationship. Do you send money? Does he ask you for money?

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, asddd said:

now it is hard to travel from my country to his country, also we started to get closer just recently so we dont have detailed plans now, but we want to do it. 

No plans and just "wanting" means nothing. Please stop all contact with this stranger.  The risk of harm and long lasting harm is very real.  He is not your boyfriend.  He is a stranger you chat with. 

[asddd]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Seeing him means nothing.  Did your parents hire a reputable company to do a full background check especially since you might meet him in person? You have never met in person so you don't know him for purposes of knowing his suitability for a romantic relationship. Do you send money? Does he ask you for money?

no he doesn’t ask me for money and ive never sent him any money

[asddd]

7 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

If anyone is a waste of time for you,  they're a waste of time.   You have different beliefs,  you hurt him,  he doesn't let you do things and both of you live far away from each other.  It sounds like the relationship is doomed for failure.

but he helped me a lot and i still care about him, i cant just let him go after what he did for me

[Cherylyn]

Just now, asddd said:

but he helped me a lot and i still care about him, i cant just let him go after what he did for me

The bad outweighs any good in people. 

[asddd]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No plans and just "wanting" means nothing. Please stop all contact with this stranger.  The risk of harm and long lasting harm is very real.  He is not your boyfriend.  He is a stranger you chat with. 

he doesn’t feel like a stranger to me, i’ve known him for almost 2,5 years and im 100% sure he is a real person 

[Batya33]

Just now, asddd said:

but he helped me a lot and i still care about him, i cant just let him go after what he did for me

It's fine to stay online penpals.  Tell him you want to stay in touch as penpals or online chat buddies.  But keep your contact to a minimum and spend the time you have cultivating in person friendships and perhaps meeting people to date. in person.

[asddd]

1 minute ago, Cherylyn said:

The bad outweighs any good in people. 

what if he did more good things to me and im the one hurting him and destroying that?