Red Flag In A Partner

[kamurj]

Red Flag In A Partner Might Look Like:

 

[Cherylyn]

Never ignore alarming character defects which are often times overlooked with wishful thinking.  Never believe you can change a person for the better later.  Wrong! 

Pay attention to how your partner treats others, speaks of others and behaves overall.  If something is off, it's off so beware.

Observe how a person speaks to you, to others and writes.  Incurable defects only grow worse over time and unfortunately, often times you'll have a world of regrets.

Is this person humble?  Sincere?  Intelligent enough to admit and apologize or is he or she in endless denial mode?

Is this person cheap?  Is he or she an obnoxious penny pincher by always talking about how much everything costs ad nauseum and a stingy tipper? 

Does this person engage in gaslighting?  Gaslighters are masters at manipulating the narrative, deflecting and forcing you to change your perception of the facts.  They are a nasty, tricky, evil lot.  Run for the hills!   Every disagreement and argument will be a headache for you while you defend yourself in maddening circles.  You'll lose every time.  ☹️

Does this person lack emotional intelligence? (Empathy)  Avoid them at all costs.

Does this person have predatory behavior either mental, physical or both? 

Is this person manipulative?  A sociopath? 

Is this person over zealous with charm, flattery and pretentious behavior?  They're fake and phony!  You'll end up hypnotized, mesmerized and eventually trapped.

Does this person interrupt you during verbal conversations? 

Is this person rude and ill mannered?  Is this person ungracious?  Selfish?

Is this person reciprocal in their own way?  Considerate?  Generous? 

Do you suspect odd or intolerable behavior?  Lying? Cheating? Stealing?  Sneaky?  Tricky?  Deceitful?  Betraying type? 

Pay attention to your gut instincts and intuition because it's always correct!  Heed those alarm bells and red warning flags in your brain because they're there for a reason; to protect you from harm and danger. 

Prevent.  Don't cope nor deal with avoidable problems later.

 

[Tinydance]

Just from my own experience  - love bombing, anger issues, always being "between jobs".

[jacongeller]

Red flags in a partner can be a tricky thing to spot. In my experience, some red flags that should be looked out for are: a lack of respect for boundaries, a lack of communication and honesty, a lack of trust and commitment, and a lack of respect for your feelings. If your partner is exhibiting any of these behaviors, it is important to talk about it and address the issue. If your partner is not willing to work on the issue, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

[Batya33]

From the beginning: treats waitstaff/service people rudely.  Speaks in a highly critical way or judgmental way about his colleagues and/or friends.  Brags about exploits with other women.  Mentions sex/sexual activity before meeting you or upon meeting -assuming that you're not meeting primarily to hook up.

Later on - tone deaf about timing as to when to be more intimate, doesn't ask about you including how your day was or deeper stuff.  And red flags that are subjective -meaning your goals/standards don't align - so it's not a red flag as in the person might be a lovely person but red as in danger at proceeding and getting too attached to someone incompatible.

Also insecure - if manifested in clinginess/doormat stuff or controlling stuff.

[Cherylyn]

Well,  after observing some of my past male colleagues, neighbors,  relatives, some extended family members and my current two BILs (brothers-in-law),  I can immediately gauge what type of men are red flags.  Since I'm a lady,  I'm referring to men here and based upon my experience. 

Misogyny is more prevalent than I thought even if it's subtle or blatant at the workplace or elsewhere from jokes,  vulgar pranks, overhearing some men talk, ogling, leering, etc.  Or, general disrespect for women in particular.  However, they tend to treat other men with serious respect or so I've noticed. 

There are some extended male family members who are extremely self centered and selfish around women in particular.  However, they're more animated and social around men or so I've noticed.  Or, they treat women in a condescending manner and belittle them habitually whether privately or socially which is quite humiliating and disdainful for those who've witnessed or know.   

Both BILs have major "mouth problems" and have no qualms treating their wives badly.  They say whatever they want,  whenever they want with zero consequences because they wield their domineering,  economic power.  Those are miserable red flags.  It's like a cancer growing in the home.

I've noticed throughout my lifetime that the best, moral men had very strong, influential father figures in their lives while growing up who taught their sons through examples, not lectures regarding how to respect women in particular.  (Of course, respect everyone regardless of gender but I'm referring to women here.)  These men observed how their fathers treated their mothers with utmost respect and love.  Naturally, this is what was taught from observation so when these men married, they had a strong tendency to treat their wives as their fathers treated their mothers.  I'm married to a man like this.  Lucky me. 💗

Another red flag for me is I don't like to be with people who use foul language indiscriminately and with abandon.  They can talk like that all they want as long as I'm not with them.  I realize this is how many people are in society but amongst my select family, relatives, in-laws and friends, no foul language.  Birds of a feather flock together.   

I would say the #1 red flag for me (can't speak for others) is lack of empathy.  If you are unable to consistently place yourself in other people's shoes,  all relationships are filled with angst, high stress and misery.  It's better to dissolve and exit the relationship because it will ultimately fail.  ☹️

 

[Cherylyn]

More red flags for me would be smoking,  drinking,  drugs.  Those are a big NO for me and whomever I wish to be with for the rest of my life.  My husband and I are teetotalers and share very healthy lifestyles.  Same with my sons.

[Cherylyn]

I'm very picky and choosy so my red flags will very well be overlooked by other partners or spouses as I've noticed in my sphere. 

What I consider red flags in men is tolerated by women who've since lowered their expectations because they can't change the men whom they married.

I'm referring to men here because I'm a lady and I'm referring to men amongst my local friends, family, relatives and in-laws. 

One of my brothers-in-law has "foot in mouth" disease.  In other words, he's extremely obnoxious and rude with whatever comes out of his mouth.  He has no qualms humiliating his wife (my sister) during social settings and downgrading others with his poker face.  My sister has low expectations of him and enables his boorish behavior because he's a very high income earner.  Money talks.  She's a Stepford Wife.  He wears the pants in the family.  

He's not a handyman either and he dare not get his lily white hands dirty and greasy.  I even remember when I helped my sister and her husband move.  I carried HIS very heavy box down the alley and he never rushed to my aid to carry the box, the wimp that he is. 

The other brother-in-law is foul mouthed and he loves to drink like a fish.  Those are red flags to me yet his wife (my husband's sister's husband) simply looks the other way because she too has since lowered her expectations in a husband.

These women won't divorce though.  They've lowered their expectations,  don't want to deal with a messy divorce,  selling real estate,  breaking up the family of children, etc.  They have too much false pride.

I have a friend whose husband is very timid.  He coddles his older son instead of disciplining him so his wife has to do the job of father and mother and looks like the bad guy.  Her husband pays contractors before inspecting their work.  He prefers to pay 10% over asking price just to avoid confrontation and complaints regarding discrepancies.  Again, she has since lowered her expectations in her husband.  When their younger son was bullied and beaten at school,  it was my friend who went to the principal's office alone because her husband avoids confrontation even for his son.  

My other friend runs herself haggard because her husband never picks up the slack.  She too, lowered her expectations in a husband.

Those are red flags to me and I would never choose a man if I had to lower my expectations.  The secret to a successful relationship or marriage is to choose the right one in the first place. 

Some of my neighbor friends look rough and grubby.  Their husbands don't treat them right which are red flags and again, many women are resigned to their lowered expectations.

I prefer to be treated well.  I'm very feminine.  I like my manicures and pedicures which I actually do myself.  I  prefer chic clothes, shoes, handbags and for special occasions, I like my fine, elegant, (yet not gaudy) jewelry.   It would be a red flag for me if I had to live the way I grew up which were red flags all over the place with my parents' abysmal marriage.  Happy wife = happy life.  My neighbor echoed the same sentiment.  Smart man. ☺️

My