Dream put me back on the "missing him wagon".

[Charliegirl]

...i dreamt of my ex last night...and I woke up missing him more than I have in a long time. We've had pretty much no contact for a month, after 2 years of being broken but still hoping to get back together at some point. I know I decided not to get back together with him for a reason, even though he wanted to on several occasions. i KNOW i have to listen to that part of me.

 

And now that he's finally moved on and is dating someone new for the first time since me, it's been really hard to get over him. He has every right not to talk to me and not to want me in his life right now. But, it's killing me to not even have him as a friend. We were together for 5 years.

 

I've dated a few people since him...very casually...but none ARE him. None will ever be. And even though that's good and bad and I understand it's over and I have to go and on stuff...it's sooo hard. Especially after having a dream about them. It's like the feeling of sorrow makes life stand still when you don't want it to and i just find myself crying all over again.

 

I don't know when the sadness ends.

[usied]

aw ..i had a bad dream too! but yes there was a reason you broke up with him , and you must be much better off without him even though you think about the good times you's had and get upset and miss him. think of the bad times .....seriously ....you prolly just feel lonley and that you will never find anyone that you feel that way about again, i know the feeling...and also how is it fair that he has found someone and not you! ...that really gets to a person espeically if they were the one mostly at fault in a realationship....you just have to look at it like this ...you are lucky you had the experience with him..but now there is someone out there better for you ...waiting sucks , i know , but just go on with your life dont let that hold you back ...involve youself with friends and work get your mind off of him..and you just might meet someone really special ....good luck stay strong !

[nix]

I suspected this might be the case! I mean time cant heal all wounds can it? I split with my bf 6 months ago and it feels now just as painful as it did then. All that has changed is that I am able to deal with it a little better and have found the strength to carry on.

 

My ex was my 'one' and inside I know that I wont find anyone to replace him, no matter how convinced my friends and family are! He was my world, my everything and being without him is too painful for words. I'm sure that you can relate as it sounds like you are feeling the same.

 

How did dating feel? I havent started dating yet as I am scared and I just cant find anyone that makes me feel like wanting to! Do you constantly compare them to your ex? One day we will find the right person for us, there has to be more than one out there surely?!

 

You say you only had NC for a month and to be honest that is probably why its harder for you at the moment. Even though you broke up being in contact gives a little feeling of hope and that they arent totally out of our lives.

 

I havent seen or spoken to my ex for 3 months now and although its hard it would be harder to see or speak to him. Especially as he is now engaged after such a short time, that is hard!

 

Life goes on and unfortunately so does this pain and heartache. Maybe one day we will find a higher love that will take the pain away or maybe we have to deal withit forever, who knows. So long as you can be happy within yourself i think that is what matters.

 

Be strong

[Charliegirl]

thanks for responding you guys. It helps to know that others are in the same boat.

 

It's just been such a whirlwind of emotions for both of us over the last two years. Even when we got together to talk about him dating someone new (he's very respectful and just wanted me to hear it from him instead of a mutual friend or something), we cried together. There is still so much love there...and still so much pain...so I know he knows it's best for him to move and give someone else a try...and being in contact with me would make that impossible I think. I know he's just doing what he thinks is right for him and I don't blame him. I just miss him so much.

 

Dating was okay. I liked the newness of it and the anticipation of first kisses and stuff like that. But, I am very picky about who I date and who I can see myself with, so it's hard to just have fluffy romances if I don't see potential for something bigger. Especially after having something with someone so wonderful for so long.

 

I have been focussing on myself. I am leaving for Australia in 6 months...it's scary and crazy, but I'm going to do it and try to go for a year. I'm scared that this will be the real goodbye to he and I...but I need to do something drastic for myself and this could be really great even though I have ups and downs about it every day.

 

These things really are tough. We all go through so much in our little lives, don't we? Staying postitive is a struggle, but sooo helpful when I can.

 

I'm sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs to all the strugglers here today...hope it helps someone...

[sadgirl_april]

I have trouble getting over my ex, too. I had a dream of us getting back together. I was overwelmingly happy when it happened in the dream.

 

But I realize the fact is my brain does not want him back.

 

Today I listed the qualities/characters I want from a longterm mate. I gave % weight to each. The most important ones I gave more weights, the less important ones I gave less weight, but the total adds to 100%. Then I rated all my past long term boyfriends (three of them) in each character, on a scale of 1-5, where 1 as very poor, 5 as excellent. In the end I calculated the weighted sum of their scores. My! I was surprised my current ex got the lowest score, 3.02 out of 5. A previous ex whom I've kept as a friend, got 3.86. The first ex whom I disliked the most got the same 3.8.

 

Now I am in much better control of my emotions. The analysis I've done decides that I should not be with him. My emotions tricked me. I am ready to move on without looking back. I've moved on from previous relationships, I should definitely move on from this one.

 

I know it sounds silly to rate the ones you loved. But it helps you to feel less emotional and more rational.

[Dakota6560]

Charliegirl, It seems to me that maybe you were the one who ended the relationship. I am sure it was for good reason and I truly hate to see two people who care so much for each other too bring so much pain as well. I truly hope one day you two can become friends because you guys meant so much in each others lives. As for someone who was broken up with it is nice to know you still think of them and miss him. I wonder about this everyday but I don't think she does because she has a new man in her life. I truly hope all this heartache we acquire over the years and months will truly be worth it when we meet that special person in our life who will not leave. I wish all the best on your new chapter Charliegirl and I hope this is an elightenend one for you as well. Godspeed.