Charliegirl

OMG, have you ever just had a huge CRUSH on a man you just can't have? He's my teacher...my acting teacher...and I LOVE HIM. Okay, maybe I don't LOOOOVE him...but I think he's just awesome and cute and funny and clever...and...oh boy...I feel like I'm 15 all over again. I've been through A LOT in the last 2 years. Out of a serious long-term relationship, and been struggling with so many things. And it just feels so nice to have a little crush on someone...someone that I know I can't have. It means someone to look forward to seeing once a week...but no expectations and no broken hearts. I know it sounds so ridiculous and you guys are probably like "who is this nutcase?"...but I just wanted to say that it gives me hope that things will be okay. I CAN feel like this about someone else. I've dated a few people in the last 2 years, since my big breakup, but I didn't feel very strongly for anyone. I know I can't have this man, and won't even try...but to know that I can feel strongly for someone new makes me feel ALIVE again... All those of you suffering from heartbreaks and sorrow...it will get easier...just to let you know... Keep strong...you'll live again...

thanks for responding you guys. It helps to know that others are in the same boat. It's just been such a whirlwind of emotions for both of us over the last two years. Even when we got together to talk about him dating someone new (he's very respectful and just wanted me to hear it from him instead of a mutual friend or something), we cried together. There is still so much love there...and still so much pain...so I know he knows it's best for him to move and give someone else a try...and being in contact with me would make that impossible I think. I know he's just doing what he thinks is right for him and I don't blame him. I just miss him so much. Dating was okay. I liked the newness of it and the anticipation of first kisses and stuff like that. But, I am very picky about who I date and who I can see myself with, so it's hard to just have fluffy romances if I don't see potential for something bigger. Especially after having something with someone so wonderful for so long. I have been focussing on myself. I am leaving for Australia in 6 months...it's scary and crazy, but I'm going to do it and try to go for a year. I'm scared that this will be the real goodbye to he and I...but I need to do something drastic for myself and this could be really great even though I have ups and downs about it every day. These things really are tough. We all go through so much in our little lives, don't we? Staying postitive is a struggle, but sooo helpful when I can. I'm sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs to all the strugglers here today...hope it helps someone...

...i dreamt of my ex last night...and I woke up missing him more than I have in a long time. We've had pretty much no contact for a month, after 2 years of being broken but still hoping to get back together at some point. I know I decided not to get back together with him for a reason, even though he wanted to on several occasions. i KNOW i have to listen to that part of me. And now that he's finally moved on and is dating someone new for the first time since me, it's been really hard to get over him. He has every right not to talk to me and not to want me in his life right now. But, it's killing me to not even have him as a friend. We were together for 5 years. I've dated a few people since him...very casually...but none ARE him. None will ever be. And even though that's good and bad and I understand it's over and I have to go and on stuff...it's sooo hard. Especially after having a dream about them. It's like the feeling of sorrow makes life stand still when you don't want it to and i just find myself crying all over again. I don't know when the sadness ends.

...i'm getting sadder and sadder instead of better even though it's been so long. Ever since my talk with my ex, after he told me that he was dating someone, he's pretty much been avoiding me. We've been "friends" throughout our 2 year break up...still hanging out every once and a while, talking through email and stuff....well, there were periods of NC but we'd always break it cuz we both missed each other terribly. Now he's dating someone new and doesn't contact me at all. I know NC is the best thing for me right now, but it's so hard not to talk to him. I'm dreaming about him every night and wake up so loney and hurt. He called me the other day with some terrible news that he "thought I should know". His mother has been diagonosed with cancer which they think has been there for 10 years already...and they say she doesn't have long. I am so overwhelmed with sadness for him and his family (he lost his dad already 7 years ago), and it hurts so terribly that I can't be there for him in the way that I'd like to be. I'm just not that person to him anymore. He told me that this is something he's just going to have to get through with his family. I was very close with his family and will do my best to support from afar...I'm writing his mom a letter. I feel so selfish that in this time I"m thinking about the relationship with my ex and his new gf. I guess this kind of hardship will either bring them together or push them apart. Either way, with everything going on, I know I'm probably not on his mind...I don't blame him for that. I just feel for sad for him and wish things were different for us too. I don't know how to get over him. It's been 2 years and I still want him with me. I feel I have nothing in my life anymore even though I still have my job, friends, activities etc...i just don't want to do it without him... any offerings of advice at this point would be so appreciated...i can't stop crying this morning...

thanks Chai. What you say makes sense and keeps the hope alive in my heart. He and I have remained good friends (off and on, but mostly on) for the duration of being broken up...but now that he's seeing someone, he's been distant...we've gone through this phase before...usually when I was seeing someone, or he was too heartbroken to talk. he knows how upset I am right now...should I keep trying to talk to him as a friend, or just do NC for a while? I'm kind of torn about what is the best choice. Being his friend while he's dating her will be really hard for me, but I would miss him so much if I wasn't in his life at all. I just feel so incredibly lonely with the thought of him out of my life forever. It's morning...and mornings are the worst. I work evenings...so, if anyone has any good plans of what to do with my days to distract myself...that would be helpful. thanks

thanks for the replies. Shorty, I hope you're right. I do think it's all been a matter of bad timing. He still looks at me the same...I know the love is still there. I hope that him seeing someone new, although exciting now (i've been there, I know the feeling), I hope it makes him realize that I'm the one for him. We had a really great relationship for 4 years with 1 year of hardship...i don't regret ending it at the time, cuz I don't know if things could have worked themselves out...we were both in bad places individually...but are both in better places now. I just hope that we can put everything behind us and move on together. You are right h_b_k_02...i did feel that he would be there always. In the back of my mind I knew the day would come that he would meet someone else...but i didn't think it would hit me so hard. It's not about him seeing someone...i think that will do wonders (has done) for his self esteem,,,but the fact that he said that he can't see us together is what's really killing me. I truly feel that he's speaking from his head and not his heart. I know I'm still in his heart...and I'm totally beating myself up for not getting back together when he wanted to. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I'm hoping to get the chance to make it all up to him. I just miss him and love him so much. We should've done NC right from the beginning...i'm certain we would be back together...but we couldn't keep each other out of our lives...it was so difficult... *sigh*...i'm still going to keep the faith though...

thanks B. I've been reading your posts too...haven't got through them all, but we are definitely in similar situations. Can I ask you though...along the way, did you ever think that you couldn't see yourself getting back together with her? Like, too much sadness is still there, too much hurt? And if so, what is making you think you CAN see yourself with her again? In your situation, from what I've read so far...you need to talk to her...get it out there...if she says she just wants to be friends, maybe it's easier not to see her very much...that pain will come back otherwise...the pain you've been trying to get over for almost 2 years. What do you think? And on a side note...I, too, am from Ottawa!!! Go SENS!!!

So...here's my story... I could use some encouraging words... We've all made mistakes. I certainly have. My ex and I dated for 5 years. I ended it about 2 years ago because things were getting harder and harder and we couldn't pull ourselves out of the the funk. I started dating someone casually a few weeks later...I wasn't that into him, but really thought I was. My ex wanted me back so badly. I couldn't do it at that time. I continued to date the other guy, and it ended 9 months later. My ex STILL wanted me back, but for some reason I was still so afraid to get back together...still afraid that the same thing would happened. We've maintained a good friendship over the last 2 years and both of us still thought we'd give us another try sooner or later. Well, he recently started dating someone new...first girl he's dated since me...and I'm devastated. In the last couple of months I've been getting really close to being able to get back together...but had still been so scared...and now...now that I fear I've lost him forever, I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I love him still. I've never loved anyone like that beforen and feel that I never will. We talked about this new girl and he said even if he hadn't met her he didn't think he could see us together again. Is that how he really feels, when even just less than 2 months ago he was still thinking that we could be together? Or is this just a boost of confidence from being with someone new? i don't know what to think. We both cried when we were hugging goodbye. I know the love is still there. I will wait for him. I've dated other people in the last two years and when I was doing that I had times that I didn't think I could go back to my ex...maybe that's just what he's feeling now...I don't know how to know or what to believe. I would love to hear what anyone has to say. I realize it was my fault that we didn't try again...he always wanted to. But, sometimes you have to lose somebody completely before you figure out what they mean to you. sorry for the long post...i could really use some encouragement...