Lost...Confused... Guilty... Help me...

[playfull06]

This is a long post and I am not even sure it goes here. Sorry it is long but if you dont want to read it just skip it.

It has been awhile since I have been here. Right now in my life I am just so lost and tired of it all. My parents are..... guilt tripping me like nothing and will not let me be who I am. They do not agree with my sexuality( I am a lesbian) though I have not come out to them fully. They know that my best friend( who is now my girlfriend) and I have kissed. Of course they wigged out majorly and have now forbidden me to even be friends with her.

There are a lot of factors that have led up to their decision but is it honesly fair to tell their daughter who they can and can't be friends with? I am almost eighteen and am thinking about moving out when I do turn it. I have been having to lie about being with my girl for so long now that I am just afraid it will all crack and my world will end. For once in my life I am happy. People who don't even know me have said something to my friends that I have a spark in my eye and I just look happy now. I can't loose that but right now I just don't have any hope and just want whats best for my parents.

Thats not right though, is it? I mean my whole life I have done whats best for others and now that I am doing something for me I feel guilty? My girlfriend has been here for me through all of this but it is just not enough. I need to be accepted by my family, yet I know that won't happen. I want to tell my aunt who has gay friends but she is my moms sister and I don't know how well that would go over, and I want to tell my brother but.. I am just so scared.

How can I live this one year with them and not be so overwhelmed by them? If there is someone out there who atleast knows the feelings or has been there in some way I need to know how you dealt with it. I just need someone to reply to help. I'm sorry this is so long and confusing. I just needed to talk.

[michelemybell]

Well, I havent experienced being in a lesbian relationship, but I remember what it was like being 17 and not having my family's approval on certain issues in my life. Have you tried sitting down with your parents and telling them your decision on your sexuality? Maybe because they are in the dark is part of the problem. They are going to still probably feel uncomfortable, because to them it is not the normal way to do things. You can't expect them to change their view overnight. But try to be kind and loving and understanding toward their point of view. This doesn't mean that you agree with them; It just means you can have an open dialogue with them about it and make them understand where you are coming from too.

If they make life unbearable for you, I would suggest moving out once you turn 18. I know it is sad not having your family's support on something like this. I have a feeling once you claim your independence from them, they'll figure that either they can lose you forever or accept who their daughter is and love you anyways.

Good luck!