can't seem to move on

[lagidg]

Its been over 3 months since my bf and I split. We dated for 5 1/2 months. He blamed me for our breakup. I mean BLAMED ME for EVERYTHING!!! He said that I was the one to walk out, well only because we had an argument and he said that he didn't think that we needed to see each other anymore. Well, I agreed and was as calm as I could be. Of course he threw a tantrum and we ended it. I was very sad and to this day I am still sad. I called him last night for the first time in a month....just to see if anything had changed. I asked him out to dinner, but he declined. He said that it wasn't a good idea. He said that he didn't want to get hurt again. I don't understand how a man who once told me that I was the love of his life and how he had never met anyone like me could just shut me out of his life. I am hurting and I'm struggling to move on with my life. I really thought that he was the one. I told him that I missed him, but his response was "I don't know what to tell you." He has said this before. My heart SUNK!! He says that he's not dating anyone but has been busy with his job. Who knows??? I know that I have to move on with my life. I can't keep obsessing myself with someone who doesn't feel the same way for me. ANY ADVICE??

[Drizown]

By the sounds of it... doesn' t sound like there's a chance of it happening again. But in order to move on you need to get involved in things that will take your mind off it and try and not be alone too often. Go out with your girlfriends meet new people, go to a club dancing whatever just have fun. Soon you'll see that you don't need that kind of treatment and you deserve someone that loves you back. Also try taking up a new hobbie like yoga or dance or swimming, or even kickboxing or simply going to the gym. Just try and keep yourself busy and not leave time to wallow in sadness.

[melrich]

I think you know that you have to move on.

 

A recurring theme from people who are dumped is that they can't understand how someone who once told them that they loved them can now turn around and dump them.

 

People do change and their emotions change. The statement "i love you" is not necessarily for life, although at the time it may be expressed as such.

[brando]

well from the sounds of your ex, he isnt all too well either. Too blame someone of a breakup is in my opinion childish. It is a way for him to not look at his contribution. Not many people in life want to see who they really are, and their are probably fewer who really know who they are.

 

Anyway it is time to forget him, hard to do i know, but necessary if you want to heal. Time for you to look at yourself and ask why you feel you need this person so badly in your life.. love, insecure, lonely, afraid...just being aware of these emotions is half the battle of getting past the breakup.

 

Their will never be a satisfying answer to the infamous question why?? No words he can tell you to ease the pain, even getting back together most of the time is no relief, especially if neither of you are aware of what broke you apart. He can not heal you as you think he can, only you can do that.

 

Everyone says move on, im not sure what that really is, another relationship, i doubt it, same dance different partner, for many. It is much more than a relationship, unfortuantely in our society couples are so emphasized of being happy together and "in love" is something one cant live without...funny really when i think about that one.

 

Anyway, i am not one to sugarcoat things, and i hope you aren't taken this harshly.. you will get through, you have all you need to live a happy healthy life within you, it isnt around you. Just need tot tap into it work it to find it. It isnt easy but it can be done.

 

I hope this helps. Be good to yourself, be gentle and kind...

 

be well,

Brando

[Dakota6560]

I am sorry for your pain but I think the best advice is to not contact him anymore. The only way you are going to get over this is by keeping him out of your life. I know it feels like he was "the one" but honestly if he was then he will come back around but if not then you are going to meet that special someone you can live the rest of your life with but until know we need you to heal. Just take this one day at a time and don't think about tomorrow. As each day goes by you will feel better about yourself but for now it is going to be hard. Just try not to let the bad moments get to you too much and if it does then that is when you come here. Heck when you feel great come here too because this is not just for the down times but the glorious times as well. Keep your chin up

[Reilly2856]

One of the first things you need to ask yourself is is he worth it? I know that you care immensely for him, and looking back in ur past, he has probably made you feel like you were his world. But sometimes, we don't realize the bad characteristics about someone when we are blinded by our love. For him to blame you for the break-up illustrates his lack of responsibility, for he may have been an equal participant in not doing anything to work things out. I went through a similar experience...and it has taken a lot of reflection on my part to realize that he is not what I want nor what I need. Don't let your past emotions cloud your perceptions. Take a close look at what he means to you.....why you want him? More importantly, tell yourself that you deserve better. Your own knight in shinning armour. Don't let this guy damper that dream, which you deserve, for you can never change someone. DOn't expect him to either.