It makes me wonder!?

[Jessiepunk55]

Hey all readers,

I have been in a relationship for 4 months so far, recently my boy friend broke up with me. We are both 18 years old and i think he wants to grow up to fast but then again he is doing foolish things. My boy friend broke up with me cause he lives 200 miles away from me and said he cant handle a relationship in which he thinks that im not making an effort to get a job or look for one, which thats what i was doing but things take time. Anyways, I was also taken advantage of at a party once and this was when we were still together, he said he looks at me diffently because i have been with another man. I didnt want to be with another man. I love my ex- boy friend to death. I know im still younge and i shouldnt be dependent on his love so when i had talked to his last night over the internet i told him that maybe some blue moon i'll find a guy that will love me and understand me. He acted like if he didnt care. Then he was telling me that i wont find anyone else that is as great as he is and the love that we shared. I told him that well its all differnt because people have different effects on others on making em happy. And so he took it as if i was lieing to him the whole time when we were in love. I tried to tell him that he was not understanding what i had said and he said he didnt care that no matter what he couldnt believe me. Well soon after he told me that i have a chance. no relationship right now but if i do what i am suppose to then he'll take me back when he moves back to where we use to live. He said that he is not going to work for us, that he is going to worry about him self and that he can do whatever he wants and especially get into a relationship. But, see i cant do any of that. I have to be like a slave to him to prove that i love him. I understand it in a way, and i defently want to prove to him that i love him and i know he loves me. he said that he was concidering taking me back before i started telling him about how i will find someone else and how others had made me happy. But aparently i blew that and so now i feel as if i want to prove to him that i love him, but how do i know if when he returns that he'll still love me? I would be single and missing out on a lot of activitys with my friends. So i dont know i just need some advice, my ex seems to be a little immature and also he was being selfish with the relationship and he wanted me to feel bad but once i showed that i was a strong person he got sad and angry. He says that he is mature and what not but i find that hard to believe. im also immature myself but i tried to settle things decently. thank you for your time

jessie

[segagirl]

I will be me as always. a little harsh yes.

I would like you to take a min. right now and read what you wrote, really read it. and ask yourself this. Is it him that appears immature? Your and 18 year old woman and I cannot really understand the issue. He is standing up for himself, he is saying "be here or it does not work for me".. I think thats rather insightful. You may not like it, but he has a right to want certian things, and a right to express them. It sounds more like you are dragging your heals, making excuses and threatining to find others. Him acting like he does not care....I think its you who does not understand him, so why should he.

[smiles314]

Hey jessie!! Well for starters girl, I'd say run straight for the door very far away from your ex. Of course I have no right to reallyl add my to sense in but it sounds like hes not the right man for you. For one, you 2 are still very young. And he is acting as if you have no right to do things you want to do and to go at your own pace. I don't know what type of financial situations you are in, and whether or not you leave on your own away from your family- i guess that would make mroe sense by the way he is acting. But regardless of his requests, he basically sounds like a control freak. He is giving you all these rules and laws to follow and if you follow them you "maybe" will get him bak- he MIGHT went to bew ith you again and hes acting like you will be the lucky one if he changes his mind- that he is doing you a favor. And sweetie you don't need that in your life. You still have so much time to run around, and figure out things. And 4 mos. is a lot easier than if you had 3 yrs with him, all though i kno it still is very hard. The point is that i believe you should just forget your ex now. If he gets upset and hurtful when you show him how strong and well you are without him..then he is a controlling person. He wants you to need him. He wants you to feel bad now that hes not with you. When you show him your strong willed and you can do anything without him..that he is lucky to have YOU in the relationship. WEll then he will realize how stupid he is, and you will feel a lot better and a lot stronger on the long run..

 

BEST ADVICE JUST live it up girl!!! You don't need all that stress when ur just 18. Trust me- i know you still love him, but ithink before you get anymore hurt you should explore and not attempt to make him happy. You shouldn't need to prove a damn thing to him..He should kno what he has right now, and not need anything to make him see it. Be yourself, do what makes you comfortable. It hurts like hell but in the end you will be so incredibly happy to have done it.. You will see.

[segagirl]

I just got a "pissed off letter" back from you about my post. Interesting. lashing out at me tells me there was some truth in what I said. As well as show me your maybe not quite at a place to deal with actually getting feedback. i will try to keep that in mind. It is not my intention to upset you, the object of the site is to indeed respond by the information posted, hence i write a quick blurb...point being who the hell am I? no one, so no nasty letter needed.

[faeriechyld]

My first question to you is: Is he worth it? He's treating you like crap. Yes it is important to get a good job and make a living . . . but you're 18! I am a year older than you, and granted yes I have gone into the work force and am making a good living, but that doesn't mean you have to. I posted a while back that I wanted my boyfriend to get a better job, and I got a response saying I was asking too much of him. But what the person who responded to me did not realize was, he WANTED a better job but he was at a loss for exactly what he wanted to do. It sounds like you might be in a similar situation. First of all, what is your living situation, are you living at home with your parents, on your own, obviously you're not living with this guy because you said he lives 200 miles away. If you're living with your parents, are you going to school? If not, then I completely understand why you haven't found a job. You said you've been looking. I applaud you for that and yes, you're right, it does take time. It took me 3 months to get a job at the place I am working now and believe me, it was worth it. You seem more mature to me because you probably could have gotten just any old job right off the bat, but the fact that you are continuing to look shows you're smart and you have respect for yourself. You didn't just jump straight into a fast food job or anything like that (besides we should save those jobs for high schoolers because it's a great way to earn spending money and you learn a lot about people and how cranky they can get about the smallest things, trust me I know, I did it).

My suggestion to you is much like smiles, you should move on and enjoy your youth. Having a job is always a good thing, but this guy sounds like he wants you to jump into a career, not a job, and that's ridiculous. You may not even know what you want to do, and that's fine, you have time. But what you don't have time for is this guy, manipulation is the worst thing someone can do and it seems like he's manipulating you to follow his every wish. Well forget that! You can't find someone better than him? I'd tell him to his face "watch me!" Keep that confidence in yourself and forget him. Move on girl, he's not worth it.