Am I Doing Something Wrong?

[Scorpiolady17]

I have anxiety and depression, but hide it extremely well… so well that neither my boyfriend nor family noticed. 
 

I’m a 19 y/o Realtor and I constantly feel like people do not like me. I feel like I lack the skills it takes to create strong and meaningful connections with everyone I encounter, and it’s really stressing me out. I want to be able to walk in a room and be a ray of sunshine but I limit myself so much that I feel like nobody wants me there. 
 

What bothers me the most about not making connections is the referral side of the business. I feel like anyone I work with would not refer me to friends and family. I’m a great Realtor, but my personality is getting in the way (in my head, at least).
 

There’s no doubt in my mind that I can and will get better, but I don’t know where to start. I always feel like an outcast and I can’t be in this business. 
 

Any advice on how to be more outgoing to build connections with even strangers?

[Rose Mosse]

Can you give examples of what causes you to think that "nobody wants [you] there"? Or why you feel anyone you work with "would not refer [you] to friends and family?" Were there any complaints or incidents in the past? Is it failing to close a sale or potential clients not feeling satisfied? 

Know that any new job or undertaking is stress-inducing. Be kind to yourself and watch the way you keep talking to yourself. Avoid negative self-talk or stop it when it starts. "I'm not good enough", "I'm not pretty enough". "I didn't wear the right attire today to close the sale" or "Nobody likes me or wants me". Thinking critically and how you can improve is one thing but continuing a negative loop personally about yourself, not constructively, hurts you.

I'd try to not to take business personally. There are good days and not so good days but at the end of all of it, remember that it's a paycheque. It works for you. Or, make it work for you and have a goal or long term plan where you want to be. Try always to keep things in perspective. Stay with it a little longer if you like it, at least 5+ years for any career worth your while and put in the hard work and your experience will show after some time. Your client base will also grow but it takes time.

See your medical provider also for feedback on whether you need medical assistance or other referrals to specialists to deal with anxiety and depression. You are not expected to hide this or deal with this all alone. You won't know what kind of assistance or help you can receive until you seek it and ask.

 

[Rose Mosse]

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[catfeeder]

1 hour ago, Scorpiolady17 said:

I feel like I lack the skills it takes to create strong and meaningful connections with everyone I encounter,

Aww, I understand, but NObody does this.

'Everyone' is too tall of an order, given that everyone owns a unique lens through which they view the world and everyone else.

That's why good friends are rare. That's why good lovers are rare.

It's not because 'good' people are rare, the majority of people are good. We each just have limits on our focus. It takes a rare chemistry and simpatico with someone who views us through an equally rare lens to stand out as 'meaningful'.

Everyone else may be lovely, but transactional. They're fine, even enjoyable while in front of us, but they don't quite make our radar when we're off focusing on our own immediate needs.

That's typical, and it doesn't speak badly of you OR the people who are more focused on their own self-interests rather than a loving feeling toward you.

Business is, indeed, business. Especially regarding something as important as property. So don't beat yourself up trying to be a star, but rather, trust that you have your own innate and unique value. You'll learn over time how to better synergize that with clients--and the best way to do that is to quit the idea of a 'show' and quietly deliver, instead.

Move out of your own way and allow your ego to sink to the back burner while the more intuitive part of your nature asks important questions then goes quiet to actually HEAR and understand your clients. (As opposed to trying to make an impression.)

From there, while you may not impress with entertainment value, you'll certainly be appreciated for your keen talent by demonstrating that you've listened carefully and can show properties that contain special details for your clients. Or you'll impress your sellers with your ability to find good matches for their home.

Nobody wants a Broadway star when their focus is on something as important to them as their property. People want to be understood and helped. Your ego must recognize this, and it will stop giving you such a difficult time.

Meanwhile, relax into Who You Are. You've taken on a mature role to handle at such a young age, and that speaks wonderfully of your intelligence and eventual, if not immediate, capabilities. You'll serve yourself and everyone around you well to adopt the role of a Student who can humbly allow everything and everyone to become Your Teacher.

When you're a GOOD student, your rewards will appear over time even while you take your fair share of knocks to keep that ego in its place.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[Rchael]

I had the same issue before but then I managed to deal with it through a psychotherapy therapy treatment. I had the best and affordable psychotherapy at MindShift Wellness Center and I must say that it really helped me figure out my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a way similar to talking with a friend.