Returning letters, cards etc -

[moonglow]

Has anyone returned either of these or had them returned?

[heloladies21]

If you haven't, don't do it. Those kind of items are best deposited in the nearest garbage can.

[moonunit]

If you haven't, don't do it.

 

I think if you were going to do it, then maybe it should have happened when you guys broke up first? If you did it now it may come off as being spiteful? or saying "i'm going to hurt you b/c you hurt me!" I think I read that somewhere on here.

 

When we broke up, our first argument leading up to it. I stormed out. Left almost everything he ever gave me on the bed, cards, photographs, books, clothes, cds, EVERYTHING (the only 3 things I didn't leave were in storage so I forgot about those). I didn't want anything that he gave me (I even was about to take everything I bought for him! but my guy friend talked me down lol).

 

I went back a few weeks later when he was out (I had to drop off my key) and got my photos and all the cards he gave me back. I have those in a box in the back of the closet.

 

For me, I can't/wont' deposit them into a garbage can as most of the memories with this guy - and the photos and cards were good ones. I'll keep those good memories after 2 years I can deal with having those.

 

I dunno, do men differ in this? Giving ALL the photos and stuff back. Or is it just kind of like an equal thing?

[Cherry_punker1621]

I have once ......... i found out he was chearting so i dumped him and he was mad and to make it worse i sent him back everything he gave me to show he had messed up! I was sent back cards and gifts once after being dumped and it made me feel like crap! ill never do it again now that i know how it feels!

[kimichuck]

I've kept all my letters, cards and presents exs have given me. They were given in good faith when they were given and although things ended i never see ne reason to destroy good memories.

[shes2smart]

Has anyone returned either of these or had them returned?

 

Um...no.

 

I mean, what am I supposed to use for the "I'm removing you from my life" bonfire if I give the flammables back?

[hockeyboy]

Has anyone returned either of these or had them returned?

 

Um...no.

 

I mean, what am I supposed to use for the "I'm removing you from my life" bonfire if I give the flammables back?

 

thats what i did. i remember throwiing all the stuff (pictures, letters, other stupid little things) in a fire pit. I sat there with my friend and drank a beer and watched it all burn away. it was almost like being at a funeral for the relationship and i actually felt a lot better afterwards and never regretted it.

 

with another ex....i still had a huge box of our stuff, stuffed in a closet. i have since long moved out of that house (my parents house) and when they moved they just packed it away and i think it may be stuffed in their attic or something. id get rid of that too....but i dont even want to bother looking at it again.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I've never given anything back to my ex's but my last ex tried to mail (LDR) the stuff I gave her mail. I sent it back with a note asking how cruel could she be by giving back the presents I gave her in love especially since she was the one who dumped me for no good reason (her mom talked her into it). I also said that if she didn't want the stuff anymore, burn it for all I care.

 

I also put in the note saying thank you for proving that the kind, caring person I once loved was truly dead and/or never really existed and that this act had helped me completely get over her. The person I knew could never be that cruel.

[shes2smart]

 

thats what i did. i remember throwiing all the stuff (pictures, letters, other stupid little things) in a fire pit. I sat there with my friend and drank a beer and watched it all burn away. it was almost like being at a funeral for the relationship and i actually felt a lot better afterwards and never regretted it.

 

Amazing how therapeutic something like that can be, isn't it? I think there's a real benefit in doing something like that when a relationship is over. Whether it's writing & burning a letter of the things you'd like to say to your ex, or burning things they gave you, or some other ritual you come up with, it symbolizes an ending & letting go. As you said, similar to a funeral. It helps the grieving process along.

[hockeyboy]

yup...that same day i started NC. I didnt contact her at all and wasnt planning on ever talking to her again until she came snooping months later. Obviously that led me back to where i was before (not as bad) and I started NC again...learned my lesson now though.

 

But burning those things wasnt out of anger or anything like that, but rather so i didnt have to know that all that stuff was somewhere in my house or somewhere at all. plus i though after it was burned...how could i be with her now? after burning all our stuff, our relationship would be weird knowing that i burnt all our pictures. i guess it was just one more reason for me not to want her back.