has told me that we still have a connection but its over

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Oh I never even got to first base with that one. When she finally visited she threw tempertantrums and I had to tell her to leave. Then she visited again and when I tried to kiss her I got nervous cuz she was acting nutty and gave her too much tongue so she used that against me "we kiss diff, no chemistry"

My fault for wasting my time.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

What gets me is she obviously had romantic feelings for me but she wouldn't let me have sex with her.

[buzz bee]

just because someone has romantic feelings for you doesnt mean they should sleep with you

[Shidoshi]

What gets me is she obviously had romantic feelings for me but she wouldn't let me have sex with her.

Hmm...that doesn't really make sense. Sounds like she was playing games with you from the get go.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Shish I don't really get it either. i am not sure if she like'd me "romantically" or not. She inferred that she did but wouldn't actually say. She'd get upset when we didn't talk and once made the statement "good thing we aren't fkin" when I kicked her out for flipping out. She is definitely playing games with me, but why? And why does she wants to talk to me so much? And she wouldn't make eye contact? It was so manipative and controling. Why does she want emotional intimact with me but nothing more? And she had to make the effort everytime through e mail and phone to get a hold of me before I'd get back to her for the past nine months, calling me twice last time a month a apart after I told her NC. (I'm sure she feels guilty)

What the hell does she want and what is the point of having a bf you aren't close to that you know isn't gonna work out? He is gonna flip out at her eventually too.

[buzz bee]

now your where i am..... in love but in denial

 

my ex hates me, doesnt want to talk to me - doesnt contact me but talks to me when i ring him, still has a photo of us up on his bedside table and still lets me into his house - doesnt sound like hate to me..... what the hell is going on???

[buzz bee]

i dont know how to do this, i thought i was getting better but this morning i miss him so much it physically hurts.... and i know he isnt missing or thinking about me... how can he be over all of this so quickly? so easily? how can this not be hurting him?

 

i dont know how to cope - i dont know how to leave him alone - the more i call the more im going to piss him off, hes barely talking to me at the moment, i know i need to give him time to heal but it hurts to not see him or talk to him..... i dont know how im going to cope, how im going to get thru this

[mjayne]

Buzz I know how you feel.

 

I left my ex last week wednesday because I found out he was cheating on me. And although I want to hate I still love him. I know its wrong. I don't want to get back with him because I know I'll never feel happy or secure.

 

I don't want to see him or talk to him because I know its just going to make me try and forgive and then I'll be wishing we could be together. (Maybe that why your ex doesn't want to see you - I think he might be scared of how he'll feel. Its his head that is saying he should be with you, not his heart)

 

When I say i know how you feel its about feeling like your getting better one day and thinking that your going to make it and you be alright, but then the very next day, it all comes flooding back to you and it hurts so much to know that they don't want to be wiith you and that you weren't good enough. Its too much effort to get out of bed or even brush your teeth. And you start to feel powerless. In my case I know i should be grateful that e is gone because I know in my head I deserve better, but it doesn't take the hurt away.

 

And it doesn't help when everyone around doesn't understand and they expect you to just carry on. The energy that it takes to just carry on is more than what I have. I hate that I've been left feeling so weak.

[buzz bee]

thats exactly how i feel only im trying to keep a friendship at the same time - which is painful

[loveseeker]

Buzz, I've read your entire thread and am jumping in a bit late, but I have one thing to say to you... Your ex DOES have every right to be angry with you. By your own admission, you hurt him when you were together and since you broke up. I know you've apologised, but sometimes--and especially when you've then repeated the same hurtful behaviour--saying sorry doesn't cut it.

 

Your ex reached the end of his rope with you; he gave you a LOT of chances and the reason why he's so angry with you is because you messed up repeatedly. It seems as though you're incapable of recognising his feelings in all of this. He gave you a lot of opportunities when you were together to just love him and not hurt him. It sounds like he didn't want to split up with you but HAD to because you'd let him down so often; that's why he told you that he still feels a connection with you and why he's showing you his pain.

 

I hope this makes sense. It probably won't make you feel any better--in fact, it may make you feel bad. That's not my intention. I just wanted to say this, though, so perhaps you can reach a better understanding of your situation.

[buzz bee]

yeh it makes sense and im starting to realise that im not going to get him back, hes started dating again - 5 weeks after we've broken up - so hes moving on and im starting to realise i never ment as much to him as he made out - or rather he thought he loved me but didnt

 

i gotta just leave him alone, stop calling him before he decides to have me up on harassment and just move on - after all its obvious he doesnt care so why should i

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Buzz

If you do NC it will give you the oppurtunity to heal and it'll allow him to really think about how he feels about you and what he isn't having. Avoid any contact with him for at least three or four months.

[buzz bee]

thats the plan - but he wont want me back by then - he is already dating again which means hes moved on and its time i did too - i cant sit around holding out hope for someone that isnt going to come back to me no matter how much time i give him to think about things

 

the best i can hope for now is a friendship in a year or two if im capable

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

lol Buzz dating again means nothing. He's not gonna run right out there and find his soul mate. I feel very sorry for the girl he's with -- you know why? Cuz she's gonna be a rebound from you.

But don't worry about him for now. The lady I read on here is passionate, learns from her mistakes, and means well. Don't beat yourself up. Work on getting your self esteem up and then meeting other people. If he doesn't come back than it'll be his loss.

[buzz bee]

he has no interest in finding his soul mate - all he is after is a bed buddy with very little strings attached... he wants to 'sow his wild oats' and all that crap... basically he is a player because of his commitment issues and i know the next girl will have the same probs... only the relationship wont last anywhere near as long.... it still hurts that he has moved on so quickly... it still hurts that i really didnt mean that much to him in the end....

 

it hurts that we screwed a wonderful friendship and tried to be more when we should of just stayed good friends.

 

He wont be coming back, im not deluded - it was a line to try and ease my pain - saying we could try again in the future was just a creul joke - something that i doubt he ever really ment and even if he did mean it he needs to grow up and realise that i prolly wont give him another chance with my heart - hes already broken it twice, i dont think i could handle a third

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Buzz If he was a good friend the relationship wouldn't have hurt that. There are apporpriate ways of telling a person you are'nt interested in them anymore at this time. He didn't care enough to do that. So he isn't worth a friendship.

[buzz bee]

guess it just hurts is all.... we have ruined the friendship because i cant see him like that anymore - im never going to be able to watch him date other girls and the like.... our friendship was based on a mutual attraction which meant his girlfriends never liked or trusted me and now he is going to listen to them not me - i wont be in his life for long when he eventually decides to have me back in it because who ever he is seeing at the time with balk at it and give him an ultimatum - and im not going to win that anymore - hes always going to pick girlfriends over me from now on

 

he hates me cos he just wants to forget and i remind him of us

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Buzz what was your friendship like before you two became intimate? Were you always interested in him? How long were you close as just friends?

[buzz bee]

we tried to give a relationship a go back in 2000 - but where both too young and there was too much standing in our way so after a few nites of kissing and cuddling he broke it off saying it would be too hard. We where then friends for the next 4 years with an undercurrent of attraction - we both knew and thougth that we would get together at some stage - until 2 years ago when we finally did

 

the friendship was always based on flirting and attraction - tho i was his best friend - the person he told everything and the person who he came to cry on when his other relationships when pear shapped

 

so to answer your question we have been friends for as long as we have liked each other and the attraction and connection has always been there.... i just dont think he believes it anymore... he basically hates me now and cant understand that im acting this way because he has broken my heart... because he isnt hurt that its come to an end

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Buzz how old are you?

[buzz bee]

23 - sure ive answered that before - i know i know... your very young, youll fins someone else ect ect. its my fault i tried to settle a player!

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

If you tried to tame somebody you knew was a player you are correct, it is your fault. Because you tried to tame somebody you knew was dishonest. Also, yes you did say that before but I wasn't going to spent a lot of time looking it up. You also "type" young so it was obvious you were around that age anyway.

23 is sooo young. You realize you are gonna probably feel even stronger about somebody else than you do about this guy.

[buzz bee]

maybe but if i do thats a scary thought - my heart has been with this guy for about 6 years, its just hard to let go and he wasnt a player at the start of the relationship he was loving and wonderful and he changed - hes not ready to settle down obviously

 

im just worried im going to be holding out for him like i did before and in 6 years time ill still want to be with him which is scary

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Buzz you are going to remain out of contact with this guy until you are over him, do you hear me? If you don't listen you are going to be acting very foolish. In six years you will be in a healthy relationship with somebody who is more patient and understanding but at the same time puts his foot up your butt when you are out of line (without being demeaning and abusive). You WILL get over him. You WILL find somebody more able to appreciate you. Finally, if he wasn't a player at the beginning of the relationship (and I am still not convinced he is a player now) then you have NOTHING to be ashamed of or at fault for. You have invested several years in this guy and done everything you could to get him back. Time to get hard hon. Time to stay away until you are stronger.

[buzz bee]

thats pretty much the plan - i just dont think ill be able to salvage a friendship outta this one somehow - which is a real pity!