luvsick41 Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 okay, i have never done this before, but i have no where to run to, and i need help...........i am 23, young, just got married..........me and my wife have been married for one month.........she mentioned the thought of marriage, which i agreed to cause i always wanted to get married to her (we were together for a year, before we got hitched)........we have been in a rocky relationship for the past 3 months, 2 months before we got married, we were separated and we ended up getting abck together........we were separated because she wanted to be a young free spirit, and she said she didnt want to be in a relationship period (not with me, not with anyone)...........anyway, we talked and worked through our problems for about 2 months..........then we got back together..........things were wonderful, she was being the loving caring woman i fell in love with........then we decided to get married, oddly enough she suggested it, but she seemed SOOOOOOOO happy........i mean, she was sending me text messages on my pphone talking bout, "i cant wait to be your wife, i love you, cant wait to have your kids" - all this right, that is all she talked about, was us getting married.........she was constantly bugging me bout when i was gonna file for our license, hurrying me to set a marriage date at the justice of the peace..........i also made sure i asked her numerous times if she was SURE she was ready, and she kept saying, "if i didnt want to do this, i wouldnt be doing this"- so needless to say she reassured me many a times she was ready...........now, bout two weeks ago, she starts with this, i dont know if i wanna be married kick............scared of the long term commitment, not that she doesnt want to be with me, but she just isnt ready for marriage, telling me she doesnt wanna do this anymore............saying constantly that she thinks i deserve someone better, who can love me more.........now she is saying she doesnt feel the same way for me as she did in the past......and that she only got married, cause she was thinking bout my feelings and disregarding hers..........basically making me feel, she got married for me............i am like, damn...........all of this, all of the sudden she is saying she dont love me..............what do u people think, is she scared, with the marrital jitters, cause this is all new.............or is she ready to be done with me after a month of marriage.........not even giving the marriage a chance.........what should i do people...........and to top it all off, she is going to the marines in a week!..........a WEEK..........i am scared..........we havent talked last night, she hasnt called me today, i think i am losing my wife........... help..................... p.s.........she was never treated like a woman should be treated in the past.............she was abused, mentally and physically, does anyone think that maybe that has something to do with it.......maybe she thinks that i am gonna turn crazy, and start abusing her, and cheating on her like guys in the past......if u can help, please do, i am lost, and i need some direction, need good advice Link to comment
StillLoveHer Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 Had the same situation, except the marines.. Ride it out and give her some time.. I know, waiting sucks, It really sucks ALOT.. but that is the only thing that will fix this.. Don't pressure her but let her know that you love her.. Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 Hi luvsick41, It seems to me that you're wife is probably with a depression and needs some professional help. Have you ever talked about this? Link to comment
luvsick41 Posted June 17, 2003 Author Share Posted June 17, 2003 about depression, naw, never asked her bout that, maybe i should............but seems like everyone thinks i should wait it out...........guess this is a test we'll pass or fail.............but my heart is killing me i love this woman so much.........i am slowly getting hurt with every minute we are away............thanks, gotta give it time.........! Link to comment
pcardoso Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 I agree; just give her time and space but i think you should also suggest her to get professional help. Good luck Link to comment
solstice48 Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 I agree about giving her space but I think you should also talk to her about her feelings & yours. Keep the communcation open between you. Speaking as a former Marine, she's going to be under a lot of pressure & along with what's going on with your marriage it's going to be real difficult for her & will be needing your support. Of course what your dealing with is difficult as well & might take a lot of courage & strength. It might get worse before it gets better, I hope it works out for you both. Link to comment
sisterlynch Posted June 17, 2003 Share Posted June 17, 2003 we teach people how to treat us, by the way that we treat others. Chaos is her personality style. That is what she is used to, and others expect that of her. The only way to change this is by gettin her to counseling. Link to comment
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