How do you know when it's right?

[Mythica]

How do you know when it's the right person? When you are ready? How can you tell when you've gone too far? How did you decide?

 

Please answer these questions. I know that I have taken my pledge... but everything seems so hard to resist now adays... can anyone help? The boys in my school are already going after hookers and stuff, but I just want to be ready when my boy comes to me..

 

Mythica

[MetallicAguy]

Sex at 14 (and in their teens) is one of the biggest mistakes someone could make in their life. Ok so let's say you do it with a guy, if the baby tests positive, your probably going to have to get married to this guy, or if you don't get married, the baby will never meet it's father, how sad is that? Your stomach will probably get bigger and flabby from having a kid and you probably don't want that especially at 14! All of your time will be spent on the kid, waking up in the early hours in the morning to change it's diapers. It's hell. I'm sure you don't want that.

 

 

Don't fall into "Everyone else is doing it, if I do it, it's one more person wow, it doesn't matter."

 

Control your hormones.

 

Oh yeah, and when these guys come back with STD's from the hookers just laugh at them, their a bunch of stupid ****'*.

[kskm]

You are 14. Who cares what everyone else is doing. I had sex for the first time when I was 16, and you know what? Even though I was "in love" with him and had been with him for a year, and stayed with him for a total of five years, I still regret it. I wish that I would have waited. It's not something that you can get back, ever.

[annie24]

Ditto to Kskm and metallicaguy. It's not something you can take back, so the longer you wait, the better. If he's the right guy, he'll still be the right guy next month, or a few months from now, right?

 

I doubt your classmates are having sex with hookers. If they are, then like metallicaguy said, they're the ones who are stupid because they'll wind up with STDs.

 

Think about it - everyone says, "I wish I had waited." You never hear people say, "oh - I wish I had sex sooner!!!" Just wait until you meet the right man - you will know when the time is right. Good luck!

[Mythica]

Thanks for the advice. But my classmates are. Just the other day, this really cute guy named Ch**s was caught in the janitor's closet with one. I am guessing that it will be harder in High School next year...

[annie24]

Well... if he's so cute, why does he have to hire hookers, and not just have a girl who will have sex with him for free?

[jnelson]

Hmmm Ch**s....could his name be Chris?

[sweetie_33]

sex and ur 14! thats too early... i think u should wait, ur still young and u will regret it later believe me... just ask urself, what would u do if u get pregnant and ur only 14?!! i cant even image that, ur young!!!

[Mythica]

Yes, it should be Chris. I was keeping his identity a secret! anyway, I don't know what I would do if I got pregnant. I would probably keep it, only because I find abortions wrong. But as soon as the baby was born, I would prolly put it up for adoption... like my bff's boyfriend, Heath. His mom had him when she was only 13! I found this out yesterday. I always thought that his mother was living with him, because he told me that John was his stepdad, and he always referred to her as "my mom". But he finally told me that he was adopted. That would prolly explain the diff last name.

[lakergal]

I was 20 when I lost my virginity. It took a college sorority sister to "convince" me to do it.

 

I wish I'd have waited a bit longer for someone that really loved me. I'm not saying wait until you're married but at 14?

 

What's the big deal: well first, your views of sex might be skewed - instead of being a loving, fun act between two consenting ADULTS who care about each other, you could turn into someone who is very callous towards the opposite sex as you grow older only using them for personal satisfaction.

 

If you get pregnant it's easy to say you'd give the baby up - most young women do not give their babies up because it gives them an identity. I know NONE that have had their lives immensely improved by having kids at a very early age.

 

Then there's the whole thing around STDs. At 14 do you really think your bf is responsible enough to get tested BEFORE you have sex? I don't care how careful he says he is, do you really want to risk your LIFE?

 

At 14 I fantasized about my high school coach (he fantasized about me too - how icky is that?!), at 14 I worried that boys would think I was cute enough not about whether or not I was a virgin.

 

Virginity is so precious - you can only lose it once (think I read that line in here somewhere). Hang on to it - cherish the fact that no boy (!) can take that from you.

[Zimetra]

t

[sweetie_33]

but we're not only talking abt getting pregnant!! the girl is young, she's only 14!! and yes virginity is sooo precious!!! think twice before losing it at this age!

[lakergal]

But hey, your post sounds as if you never heard of condoms before! When used properly, they can grant almost 100% safety.

 

Umm... sure condoms are supposed to work. But ask my now 13 year old son how he came to be:

 

condom came off

sponge failed

 

9 months later, 10.4 lb baby boy

 

We were definitely trying to NOT get pregnant. And yes, I thank Heaven above every day for my son... BUT

 

I was 27, college degree, full time job with benefits, and a home.

 

14 is WAY to young for sex - condoms, sponges or not.

[Zimetra]

t

[sweetie_33]

ya ok, but how can they get STD if there was no intercouse! so losing virginity can lead to STD!

[annie24]

Oh, you can get STDs from oral sex. Depending on the STD, there are plenty of ways you can get them.

[sweetie_33]

ok.. but they r talking abt sexual intercourse...

[Minty80]

Umm, I have to disagree over how most of you are going about this. Haven't you read any studies on abstinence education? Kids/teens not given proper info and just told to abstain end up engaging in risky sexual activity more often than those given all the information.

 

Personally, I was 14 about to turn 15 the first time I had sex and no, I don't regret it. But it was with a guy I truly cared for, we were both virgins, we used protection properly, we took it slow, and communicated and respected each other.

 

If you just have sex to get it over with, with someone who you can't talk 100% openly with, and if you aren't 100% sure with absolutely no doubts then yes, you will regret it.

 

After my first sexual partner and I broke up (though we still talk once in awhile to this day) and I started dating another guy I took having sex with him just as seriously. We were dating for a year before we even discussed it, then we both went to get tested together even though he was a virgin and I had only had one partner, I got birth control pills and we waited the month that it takes them to start working and we used condoms as well. You have to be just as serious with each partner after your first, and ALWAYS use protection.

 

Sex is serious business and you should NEVER just take anyone's word that they are clean of STDs. Always make sure to get tested, always make sure to use condoms, and always make sure you discuss all of this ahead of time with your partner. If you can't discuss the details of having sex openly and honestly with your partner then you aren't ready. If your partner won't discuss this openly and honestly with you or tries to pressure you at all then that is the wrong person to be having sex with.

 

Sex shouldn't be something done just to get it over with, or because you are curious. You need to wait for someone you truly love and care about who also feels the same way about you. You need to be comfortable enough to discuss all the details including what would happen if you were to get pregnant despite precautions, get tested together, and who will never pressure you. If you can do all of that with a partner, if you are 100% sure, then you are ready, until that time, have patience and wait.

[Zimetra]

t

[ShySoul]

Ok, what I want to know is what hooker is having sex with a 14 year old? In a janitors closet? Doesn't she have any respect for herself?

 

Yes, sex at such a young age is not good on so many levels. There is the risk of disease or pregnancy. And even if you use protection, are you sure the kids are going to know how to properly use it? And then there is the emotional element. As has been said, these kids are going to look back and wish they had waited. There going to carry memories of this for the rest of their lives and it will change the way they view sex and love. Some may get a negative view of sex and be afraid to engage in it again. Others may treat sex as just another past time. Plus there is going to be an emotional attachment to the person, assuming its not a hooker.

 

To answer the original question, you know when you don't have to ask these questions. If there is doubt in your mind, you are not ready. As cliche as it sounds, you know when you know.

[Zimetra]

t

[kskm]

At 14 years of age you can not make informed planned desicions about your future. You mind set is so on now and not the future... they dont think about risk factors-STD's, or pregnancy.. and I doubt they think about condoms or birth control. 34% of teens get pregnant at least once before they are 20 years old! A 14 year old has no business in sexual relationships.

[ShySoul]

So if you start at a later age, there's no more risk of disease?

 

There is always the risk, but at least when you are older you are more prepared to handle it. Hearing about or knowing about people with diseases is bad enough, but to hear about 14 year olds with them? That's just sad. At that age they shouldn't have to deal with those kinds of things, they should be enjoying their youth while they can and deal with adult situations when they become adults.

 

How are they supposed to learn how to use it if they never start? If they don't have sex until they're 22, they're still not going to know...

 

Education. I'm 22 an I've never had sex or used a condom, doesn't mean I don't know about them. But being older I have a better idea of the situation and consequences. I've seen people make mistakes, I know that condoms can break and that its not 100%. When I go have sex I am going to be completely ready. But most 14 year olds aren't going to think about everything like that. It's more likely to be based on hormones or because they want to say they had sex. Not saying all kids are like that, but the vast, vast majority are no where near ready.

 

People raising their kids with a prudish, hypocritical attitude are probably causing a lot of emotional damage and a distorted view of the beautiful thing sex should be.

 

Yes, they are. But you can't assume that this is what is happening any more then you say I can't assume that kids are going to have a distorted view because they have sex. I was raised to see sex as a beautiful thing, something special between two people who really love each other. It wasn't something sinful or dirty. But that doesn't mean that it is something to do for the sake of doing it or having fun. There are consequences at you have to be fully prepared to handle those consequences. Someone just beginning there teens are not ready to handle them. Plus, I see sex as such a beautiful thing that it isn't something that should be treated lightly. If I am going to share myself in such an intimate, personal way, I want it to be with someone special. Personally, I don't think you can get any more beautiful then two people who have waited all this time to share the most intimate of acts, a melding of two bodies, spirits, and souls... sharing it only with each other.

[Zimetra]

t