I did it

[LonelyGirl]

Well, I broke things off with my boyfriend of 6 years. We live together and all that fun stuff. I've posted here before so some of you may know my story. It was better than I thought at first (when I broke up with him) but now it's as if I set him free and he's out every night and treating me like absolute dirt. I feel like the bad guy for breaking up with him. He's treating me like I am such a bad person for doing so. The trust was gone from our relationship (at least for me) and I couldn't get past that. That was the big thing. A few years ago he cheated on me with someone close to me and I tried to work past it. However, it changed my outlook on our relationship and I never regained trust in him. All along he kept saying that if I didn't trust him that it was MY problem and there was nothing he could do. Gee, thanks!

Then there's the strip club obsession. My ex spends lots of time in strip clubs even before we broke up. I expressed my feelings on this but he just responded by saying that every guy does it whether they're married or not and that he wasn't going to change. I felt disrespected. I told him that it hurt me and that I didn't like the fact that he went. He gives these women tons of money for something he could get for free at home and that hurts. If he were to tell me it hurt him if I did something I would do my best to change for him and show him I care. However, I guess I wasn't deserving of his respect. He would frequent these clubs on a weekly basis and I'm sure now that I broke things off it has increased.

It's so damn hard toughing each day out until we move out. We have until June and then we're on each on our own. It started out friendly enough but now he gives me attitude and stuff. I guess he's starting to realize he has to do some hard work and get packed and moved and is taking it out on me. I told him that just because I broke up with him that it doesn't make me a bad person. What am I supposed to do ? Stay with him just because it's easier than packing and moving out and starting over?

Well, anyways...I just don't know how to deal. I loved him. I still love him but know that this move was for the best. The hard part is dealing with him acting like he's free and treating me like dirt. I wish I had just left him a "Dear John" letter and been rid of him from the start. I guess his reaction and current behavior should only serve as reminders to why I broke things off.

[Dawnbreak]

I always believe that if you know what you want in a relationship and act on it, good on you. You are responsible for your own happiness and breaking up a relationship that isn't working for you despite you working hard at it to me is a wise thing to do. Don't need to feel guilty or don't let him trap you into thinking you're a bad person. We all have the right to look for our happiness. He can't give you that and that is just it.

[temperamental_taurus]

LonelyGirl - Hang in there! You're doing the right thing. I just moved out on my own about 2 weeks ago... and both he and I knew I was leaving for an entire month. You can expect his behavior to continue, by disrespecting you, pretending like he doesn't care, going out etc... it's his way of showing you that it's not bothering him at all... BUT in reality it does. He probably feels very rejected - which is the reason he's going out - he's seeking validation that he is "wanted". He's mean and disrespectful because he is hurting - and he wants you to hurt too.

 

It doesn't sound like there was much respect towards you during the relationship anyways - by going to strip clubs, and worst of all - cheating on you. You should have left him then and there... and if not right then, when he started saying that you not trusting him is YOUR problem - for a situation HE created. OOOooo men make me so mad sometimes!!!

 

It's tough - the time leading up to when you move out - but when you do, you'll feel peaceful... It's so quiet and bright in my new apartment. I love it. And if he wants you back, he'll do WHATEVER it takes to make you trust him again... You're doing the right thing, just stay strong and don't change your mind - you'll be kicking yourself later if you do... I'm here if you need to talk!!!

[LonelyGirl]

I know this is for the best and I have constant reminders as to why I am leaving. I guess I just expected him to be more remorseful and at least try to get me to stay. However, I guess it's better that he didn't because I don't know how that would have turned out. I'm leaving him and just can't wait to get into my apartment. The days are dragging and this month has felt like an eternity. The sooner I can get my butt out of here the better. My advice to anyone out there...If there are any sort of red flags that you see during your relationship then pay attention! I didn't and it took six years of my life. I'm going to be picky and I will pay much more attention the next time around. I'm thankful for this experience because I know what I don't want and ways to spot it before it's too late!

[temperamental_taurus]

Good for you, Lonely... you're standing strong and proud... we HAVE to during times like these. At some point I was expecting my ex to also try and change; quit the drinking, go to AA whatever it took so that I didn't walk out of his life - unfortunately that never happened. But, what I've come to realize is, if they had TRULY cared about us, if they had truly LOVED US, they would have NEVER done what they've done to us in the first place. It won't take us leaving to change them - they were already like this - and do we really want these kind of people in our lives??? Ones who claim to love us, yet can turn around and treat us the way they have??? That's not how love feels to ME, when I love someone I am not like THAT. So, unfortuantely, I was trapped in a lease and wasted a year of my life - but I got out the earliest I could... and I was lonely for a few days until I got into a whole new routine. But now that I'm settled - I feel great!!! I mean really GREAT!!! And I truly am a believer in KARMA... and I hope it bites him in the... well... you-know-what since I'm not allowed to say that word on this site ... hee hee

 

And I know it feels like an eternity before your move date... it did to me too - I couldn't imagine being there one more hour of one more day longer than I had to be... just get through each individual day - remember "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming" - did you ever see Finding Nemo? LOL And don't let whatever he throws at you bother you... Walk away with your head held proud - we're better than these losers!!! (can I say that word???) When's your move date?

[LonelyGirl]

Well, I have to be out of my apartment by the end of the month and hopefully into my new apartment before June 1st!

I know there are other people who have gone through this sort of thing and are going through it but it feels so lonely. I guess that's how it goes. I feel hurt, depressed, lonely, wasted, etc. I can't believe he just let me go that easily, too. I also know that he's got someone else and most likely had this person before our breakup. That crushes me. It is the worst pain to have on top of the heartache of a breakup. No wonder he didn't try to change my mind. I probably saved him the trouble of breaking things off for himself...if he would actually have the courage to do so. What did I do to deserve this? I gave my love and he took it for granted. I know it's for the best but I hurt so bad. I did the breaking up part but I still feel like I was the one who got dumped.

[lakergal]

One name sums up everything for me:

 

Angelina Jolie

 

do you think this woman ever gives any guy who treats her poorly the time of day? NO!

 

do you think she looks backwards and wonders, "Why?" NO!

 

I may not agree with her breaking up Brad and Jen (and really, he was part of that too) but she kicks butt and asks questions later.

 

If I were a teen or a younger woman - her poster would be in my room as a sign of strength, female strength and power.