I'm lost with this one...

[Flora]

So I've gone out with this guy from work I've had a crush on about 5 times . For the most part he's been pretty awesome. We'll go out for drinks, he'll pick me up, took me out to lunch, he's spent the night. When we kiss we find it hard to stop...he seems to be pretty into me in many ways. We've slept together once, and he was completely respectful towards me, and I can tell he is really a good person. The only thing is he never really tells me how he's feeling. Most guys I have dated in the past have been pretty open about where they think the relationship is headed and what they think about me in general. I have told him how I feel about him, and he accepts my admiration lovingly. We both recently got out of relationships and we work together. At work we are pretty casual with each other, very few signs point to the fact that we are seeing each other. I'm comfortable with that I guess. He never says he thinks I'm beautiful, or that he enjoys being with me. He is however extremely passionate and holds me and kisses me, stares into my eyes, watches me when I don't think anyeone is looking, smiles at me, is comfortable with me around his friends and is quick to introduce me to his friends...all this is really authentic. I have learned that in many instances words don't mean all that much, and maybe I should just be focusing on the way he treats me and less about what he's telling me. I want to ask him where he thinks this is all heading. I really can't tell at all what we're even doing. Are we dating exclusively...is this anything....does he consider me his girlfriend? All these questions keep running through my head? How should I bring this up? He is pretty quiet in general. Not shy...but quiet. Should I even bother asking him, or just wait for him to open up with it? I don't want to scare him away.

[atigdng]

He sounds like a good guy, I think you should be open to him like you have just said, communication is key and it appears that he cares for you so I am sure he would think it great if you feel comfortable talking about it, maybe he doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to scare you away. Talk to him about it!

 

"People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do"

[tiger_lilies]

Your post caught my attention because I was going through something similar with this guy. It was a work thing...went on numerous dates...slept together...but for me, there was almost hardly one sentence uttered about where it was going. I think that was my mistake. Thinking back I should've been more direct with him. But at the time, I didn't really know where I wanted it to go. I had also just recently gotten out of a painful relationship.

 

So, it's been 5 dates and you see him at work, I believe that you have the right to ask where it's going. Please learn from my screw-up!

[Flora]

He gave me some hard core eyes for months before we even spoke. When I called him out on it afer we went out for the first time he denied the eyes. This threw me for a loop. I was not imaginng it...I know this. I was like ..no no no...I know i'm not crazy, you were staring at me like I was walking around naked. HE laughed... It was a founding reason for the whole crush in the first place.

So, I am seriously questioning what goes on in this guys head. I wonder if he is timid with women, uncomfortable with expressing his feelings. I mean I sort of feel like i don't kow what I want completely either. If I'm going to have a sexual relatinoship with him I think it should be exclusive, and that's pretty much it. I don't want him to move in or spend every second with me, or whatever. I don't think shared family holidays are in order or anything remotely close to that. I just want someone who wants to spend time with me, get to know me, and be intimate with me. Someone who resepects me. That's it...I'm not looking to get married, or buy a house or have kids or anything like that anytime soon. I just don't want to find out in 2 weeks that he's been seeing another girl too, and he'll feel completely justified in being with her since we never declared what our relationshp was about. Ya know...so yeah I'm gonna bring it up tomorrow. I'm not sure how to do it. I've asked him in those quiet moments in the morning, "Whaddaya think?" he just smiles and says I dunno.."whaddya think?"...then it gets quiet and we smile..it's so weird and wonderful.

[Cougar_20]

I wouldn't stress about it too much. It sounds like this guy you are seeing is a lot like me when it comes to dating. And from my perspective it sounds like he has been burned in the past when he opens up too soon.

 

From my past experiences, it seems that the more that I compliment a girl and the more that I tell her how I feel, the quicker they seem to lose interest. (Keep in mind that I'm only 23 and have delt with a lot of immature girls.) IMO, as long as his actions towards you are what you would expect out of a guy, I wouldn't worry.

[AlwaysConfused]

I would ask him. If you guys are hanging out and enjoying each other just ask. I like to have a guideline for what kind of relationship I'm in with a guy. I think it's great that his actions are good. Actions sometimes speak louder than words. But I still need to hear those words for myself.