He's confusing me...

[AlwaysConfused]

I've been dating a guy for almost a year. We spent so much time together in the beginning and we've talked about getting married. We got into a fight on Easter because he stopped calling me and every time I called him, I got his voicemail. Our communication really declined after that and I started to think things were over. But in mid April he gave me a diamond ring... !! So obviously he wasn't thinking things were over. We began to talk again and things were better than ever. Suddenly he hasn't had time for me since the beginning of May. He claims he is working but sometimes his stories don't add up. And when I question him (with fighting or yelling) he becomes very angry and always says I'm calling him a liar. I never say that word, so he doesn't listen to my words, he just assumes he knows the general gist of what I say. Anyway I really problem happened on Tuesday. He called me 10 minutes before he was going to pick me up to say he didnt want to go out... ???? why? But he said he didnt want to talk and hung up on me! That made me so mad! So I called him back and he was short with me. I said I wanted him to grow up and I didnt want to date an immature guy and he said you dont have to and we hung up. I haven't heard from him since. I've tried to call twice ... I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I'm ranting.. i just needed to vent. Any advice?

[sidhat]

Dear,

 

Communication is the key of healthy and long lasting relatioship.. But if you both dont talk and dont resolve the issues then it will become more ..

 

I would say wait for his call and when he called you tell him that I dont wanna repeats things which makes us fight but I would like to resolve issues with you for better and strong relationship..

Dont worry things will work out..

 

take care and smile..

[socalguy123]

Hey, I have a couple questions--does his work take a lot out of his schedule? Plus, he got you a diamond ring! I mean, that means a lot to any person, in anywhere in the world! Is he going through personal problems maybe? Or something related? I mean, nobody just gets someone a diamond ring, and decides to do just drop that person and go date someone else, at least IMHO.

-B

[AlwaysConfused]

I'm afraid he won't call me back. The rational part of me realizes that if he doesn't call me back there is nothing I can do about that. But the emotional part of me wants to call him. I know if I call I'll only get his voicemail and that will leave me in a worse place because I'll just get frustrated and hurt. I suppose I just have to wait but sometimes that's the hardest thing to do... ](*,)

[AlwaysConfused]

Hey Socalguy,

 

He says he works late but he tells me how he went here or did this and there just aren't enough hours in the day for him to accomplish it all. I don't think he's cheating on me, but I don't believe he is working all the time either. He keeps alot inside and even though I ask him to talk to him and I prompt him with questions he refuses. So if he's having issues, he won't tell. I want to be there for him if he is... but if he doesn't talk...

[smallworld]

AC, When a person is in love with you they WANT to spend time with you. I don't know why he's treating you this way, but you clearly don't deserve it. He's treating you the same way most of us treat telemarketers!!! If it were me, I'd leave one last message on his voicemail. I'd tell him I love him, but phone tag isn't enough anymore. If he wants a relationship, he knows where to find you.

 

BTW - My bro-in-law works 80+ hours a week as a doctor. He still makes time for his family and friends with his cell phone whenever he has a free minute. So no matter how busy this guy is, I think he's making excuses and playing games. You deserve better!!!

[RayKay]

I would not call him again personally - you have done so a couple times and he knows where to reach you. When he does, calmly let him know that you would like to be able to discuss problems like this as they arise rather than waiting days on end, and see if he is willing to talk about the problems going on from your point of view.

 

When someone loves you deeply they want to spend time with you, talk to you, and if they have a valid reason for needing to bow out of a date, they will tell you why and set another day. Even the busiest people in the world will make time for their loves ones and their significant others, and if this seems to be a pattern with him I would say it may be time to cut him loose anyway. Just think if he is like this now, what would it be like when he was leaving you at home with the children and disappearing for hours without letting you know where, what...and so on. I wonder if he is doing what is expected (ring) rather than what he wants.

 

If he does not return your calls soon, I would say its time to let him know you need to move on, if he can't communicate with you about what is going on that will not prove to be a healthy relationship in the future either and won't change unless he wants to work on it.

[DN]

Use this time to decide what you want from him. If he calls tell him what you want and if he won't or can't give it to you then let him go and move on.

 

If he doesn't call very soon - move on anyway.

 

BTW - was the ring a promise ring or engagement ring?

[AlwaysConfused]

We had a conversation last night. He said that I'm over reacting. He said that he thinks in months and years and sees us together. While I think in days and weeks and that's why I'm so upset about not hearing or seeing him recently. Does that make any sense to you guys? Is that some BS line just trying to make me shut up?

 

The ring- he gave it to me and said that he had intentions of marrying me. So I'd say its more of a promise ring. Regardless, it's a lot of money to spend, so I would have thought he'd continue to be attentive since he put out all this money...

 

Thanks for the advice!