I feel like my shyness is ruining my life

[PiratePirate]

yesterday my friend who is a girl and I were going to have a double date with her crush and my "potential highschool promdate", who lets call becky.

 

i had met becky only once and we did not even talk at all, just a simple hello. this double date ended up not work out, my friend's crush was not available so we sat around and she called some more of their friends. my friend was very open with becky and they talked a lot, completely ignoring me. i got the feeling from the beggining she was not interested.

then we met up with some of their friends, who i did not know, so it was even more awkward. i tried talking to becky but she sort of was flaky and did not seem the least bit interested. something would interrupt our conversation and she would just leave and forget about it. before she did not even bother to say anything to me at all, i felt i was talking to a wall.

 

then we went to dinner and no success their either. I tried to ask her what her favorite foods were but i just got a few words and then silence. she was friendly and talking with everyone else, and i know she was not the type of person to be shy at all, but i felt she was just a complete witch to me.

 

i found out later that she said that becky did not know how to start talking to me, she got the feeling that i was really hard to talk to, and she claimed she tried to talk to me but it was too hard. to add to that, my friend also said in a nutshell that i had really bad social skills and that "some people just don't need a social life, its not for you". i have a feeling she was laughing at me inside, that she was better than me.

 

my friend is a witch, i have to put up with all her problems. i think she looks down on me just because i'm a shy person, so she likes to take advantage of it, making fun of me excessively as well as laughs at me. she treats me differently than everyone else, she is always forgiving and inoffensive to everyone else, but not to me. Everytime she has a lot of problems, i'm always there to listen to her. she thinks i just study and play games all the time. i do get better grades and am going to a better college and maybe this is her way of putting me down again.

 

i feel terrible that perhaps this is how it is going to be for the rest of my life. i'll be "too hard to talk to" and thereforeeee become isolated forever. the girl i tried to talk to did not show the least bit of interest, nor did she even say anything to me. maybe i was too unattractive or maybe i really am so inept with people that i turn everyone off.

 

i need advice on this, i do not want to end up alone.

[MyNinja]

First off let me say that her actions towards you is not your fault, it was her problem that she didn't try to talk to you. You did the initiating and you should give yourself a pat on the back.

 

Please don't let this incident stick with you and determine your future relationships with other people. I had a similar problem with a girl i knew. i would talk to her like she was just another human being, which she is. I found out that I didn't fit her "click" of people that she liked to talk to and she didn't want to let me down hard, so she just ignored me. I didn't have any social difficulties with her at all. I sense that the "becky" girl just had too high standards about her social life s well and didn't know how to tell you without letting you down. either way, what she did was low and immature, not your fault. she hd to go to someone else to tell of what she thought of you instead of telling you directly, obviously she's lacking in the social skill.

 

I can tell you're a great speaker because strory wrote to us all. Great writers usually mean great speakers, but sometimes they can have some difficulty expressing themselves and can be mistaken as being shy or a wallflower. just pratice speaking to all sorts of people, some might be nice others might be complete jerks, but don't take too personally because everyone communicates differently. good luck

[DropToZero]

Hmm...Well man I don't think you're totally hopeless.

 

You're were talking to her, and were trying, so you may not be as shy as you think you are. You're friend was being kind of a 'witch' about it, like you said, b/c that's not the nicest way to put that out there that you're not great at socializing and talking with other people. I think you seemed to somewhat open if you're asking questions and talking, she wasn't responding though. Something else I can get is that you're a little bit 'ahead' of your friends when it comes to being smart and stuff like that...you may think a little bit above them. You sound like how I used to be, I used to have absolutely no social skills either, and unlike your friend said, it IS meant for everyone, and it can be learned with practice.

 

Back to you being a little smarter than the rest tho...I think you, like me, think socializing may be somewhat trivial...too easy...something that you don't seem to want to waste all your time on and try and learn how to do. The problem with that is, that its right....social skills are trivial and basic, they're not complex, smart guys think too much...think they're above it(I used to). This isn't right tho, I know you don't want to be alone, but there's still the idea that you are goin to have to dedicate yourself to learning how to flirt and talk with girls a little easier. I don't know exactly what you're having trouble with(girls and flirting in general...or just talking to anyone period)...so prvt msg. me, I can give you some advice, or some web sites that may be of some use.

[MetallicAguy]

She treats you bad because she can step all over you (your friend), your always there to listen and stuff. Just one day stop....like you don't give a **** about what she's talking about and leave. She treats you just the same!

 

Just don't worry about these stupid girls, your going to be going to college where there is PLENTY and there is no need to stick around with these losers.

[jurupa]

I know what I am going to say may not be a nice as the other replys, but it may help you out a lot.

 

Your female friend is not a real friend at all. You should just drop her and don't deal with her anymore. If she approaches you, don't even talk to her. Just give her "ya what ever" respones to what ever she says. I know this may be rude and all, but she is using you for her own means and is not helping you out at all.

 

As far as "becky" goes don't worry about it. You tried to have a conversation. "Becky" didn't try to do anything. She responed to you when she had to.

 

And on your social skills, don't worry about them. They will develop in time. Don't worry about what happened, and if it does come up just say that your so called female friend was no friend to you and "becky" wasn't interested in you for what ever reason.

[blueangel]

Becky is evil!! I would never do that to anybody for any reason... even if I was mad at them or didnt like them (which by the way I like everybody) because that is low and childish and you dont deserve it.

 

You stick up for yourself, man. Dont take it.

[SkyFire]

You need to man up, and stop taking crap from this *****.

 

Have some self respect for yourself. You dont have to put up with any of her problems. You dont have to put up with her. She is a manipulative attention hag. Next time she tries to pull her crap on you, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND DONT LET HER.

 

Seriously.

 

Overcoming shyness is attacking it head on. It is harsh, but it will get the job done. Go up to 10 beautiful girls and ask for their number at the mall. This wont get rid of shyness, but it will help deal with rejection.

 

Develop a life. Start going out more. Start talking to people more. Walk straight, looking the world in the face. Get more hobbies. Find something you totally love in life and embrace it. Start talking to girls, ask them on dates. Go to the gym and get in good shape, get some nice clothes.

 

Self improvement, my friend....

 

If you need more advice, PM me.

[Shinobie]

Ya i had the same horrible double date as you.I went with my friend and these 2 girls sort of preppy.I tried to talk to her and make converstion but she did not show any interest in me which is the same with u as on your date.Friends showed up and she started talking to them easily and look very interested sitting away from me.I had close to the same experience you had and we just both gotta forget it.Cause there should be girls interested in both of us later.Those girls were just a bad egg in the batch.Forget about her and move on and look to brighter days

[PiratePirate]

thank you so much for your responses, they were great in helping me seeing who my "friend" as well as that girl really was.

 

mo'Nique: i agree that it was not anything i had done wrong, i really did try, but she was too immature to tell me anything upfront. She just let me drag on the whole night without letting me know how she felt.

 

DropToZero: you are right, i overthink things that are supposed to be simple. come to think of it, my friend isn't exactly that great of a friend as i had supposed.

 

MetallicAguy: I think i will do that, because i want her to see that i am not her carpet to step on. its true that there are so many other girls, i don't even know what i was thinking.

 

jurupa: My friend really was no friend at all, i have to deal with her since she's in 2 of my classes, but i will make it clear that i am not her toy.

 

blueangel: YEAH! I did think it was quite strange that she would not even talk to me, i had never even met her before. Good to know that what she was childish, not something all girls do.

 

SkyFire: your right on the dot about the attention hag. yep, self improvement is the key, i'll appreciate life more then dwelling on this.

 

Shinobie: brighter days... yeah it was not the end of the world, although i had felt so bad. i agree... bad egg.

 

 

Today was a 180 from yesterday. I went to the beach with my real friends and had fun in the ocean! Then afterwards, i asked another girl to prom, and she said yes, even though i had only met her once! i'm so thrilled! She actually was my first choice, but that "friend" of mine kept nagging me to meet "becky". i have a feeling that if things HAD worked out wth "becky", my "friend" would keep harping on me like i "owe" her something and an endless amount of "i told you so".

 

So i did learn that if you hang in their, good things happen. I went from arguably the worst day of my life to a great day! It is true that there will be other plenty of other people to meet and hang out with, highschool is such a narrow world. and i thought i had seen and experienced it all...

 

So just hang in there, good things do happen!

 

thanks for the responses, now off to get my tuxedo... 8)

[jurupa]

jurupa: My friend really was no friend at all, i have to deal with her since she's in 2 of my classes, but i will make it clear that i am not her toy.

I am glad that you will stand up for your self and put your foot down. Once you put your foot down, she may do any sort of things from trying to get you back as her toy to insulting you to no end to trying to ruin your reputation. So be read for anything. Also don't let anything that she does get to you or else she will use it against you. You don't have to deal with her even if she is in 2 of your classes. If she looks at you don't look at her if she tries to apporach you after class just keep on walking. Hopefully the 2 classes you have with her are not one after another. But I am glad that the girl you wanted to go to the prom with said yes and oyu had fun with real friends.

[MetallicAguy]

Yeah, what jurupa said is all true.

[PiratePirate]

yeah i am feeling better, but today my day was not so great. i went to meet the girl i was going to prom with but i didn't feel we connected so much. we didn't really converse that much, it was kind of awkward, i just didn't know what to say!

 

so i pretty much asked her to see a movie next weekend and she asked when. i told her next weekend, and she said she had something to do i don't remember what. so after some more moments of awkwardness, she had to leave to write an essay and said goodbye to my other friend, but not really to me. it was brief

 

now i'm having second doubts, because my friends who were hanging around said i "came off too strong". i had only met her once breifly and this time all i did was ask her to see a movie next weekend. i got the feeling i scared her off or she thought i was just weird.

 

well she did not cancel the whole prom deal, but i really have no idea whats going on. i'm sooooo confused. i feel like i totally ruined everything, perhaps my future is headed for loneliness. this whole thing has been in my mind and i feel depressed, depressed that i maybe blew my chance with my shyness as well as depressed that this is as far as i'm going to get.

 

so am i just over reacting, because i don't understand how girls work, why would she go with me but act awkward and uninterested around me??!

[MetallicAguy]

Maybe she's just using you for a prom date because your the only other guy who asked her out to the prom that wasn't a nerd lol. Girls can be mean like that man.

[jurupa]

I would say this one was on you. Your may have come off to strong or your body language said something to the girl that "push" her away from you. Your thinking to much, which will creat more problems than it is worth, trust me.

 

Yes girls are confusing, but the more you interact and deal with them the better you understand them and the less confusing they become.

[Shinobie]

Glad to know you were feeling a little bit better.Just think at least u went to prom.I stayed in my room playing world of warcraft all alone on prom night .Hope u feel better and forget about these girls if they werent interested in you.Its best to move on!

[blueangel]

Hey, PM me. we'll have a conversation so you can practice and I can help you. pretend like we're meeting for the first time and so you come up to me.

[PiratePirate]

oh i forgot to mention that she doesn't go to my school and she is only a junior. i asked her to go to my highschool's senior prom.

 

i only fear that how they react to me today, will be a repitition of what is in store for me. the rest of my life. i'm not necessarily head over heels for my date, i just would rather have mild interest in me rather than complete apathy.

 

so you guys think i totally blew it by coming on too strong? i hope girls dont keep score of this stuff...

[blueangel]

Read my reply above! Let's get to know each other. I want to help your social skills. PM me saying hi and we'll take it there, ok?

 

NO such thing as coming on too strong and that definitelly wasnt. They are trying to cover up something- be honest with me. How do you rate yourself, looks-wise? People can be pretty judgemental that way