Finding The Trust In A Future As Friends With 2 Months Of NC

[Agrajag]

Trust and Love are becoming battles in my head. Today is Day III of a two-month NC. My girlfriend broke up with me, (Note for the records, after an 8 months,) about a week or so ago and I've been torn to shreds since. If you read any of the recent threads I've made, (or hers), you may begin to understand the situation more thoroughly.

 

He's what's really been bothering me. A month ago one of her old crush's from high school recently moved into our area and is trying to pursue a relationship. She told me about the fact he was in town but I was secure enough in her feelings for me that I didn't think much of it. What happened later was she ended up hanging out with him a couple weeks later when she was out with some of her friends that happen to be mutual. But she lied to me about this day. I knew she was out with friends but she did not tell me that he was there. I found this out after we'd already broken up.

 

A slight backtrack. She made some very clear statements that she would not be comfortable with me hanging out with her friends. She wants to keep her love/relationship/men life out of her friends' life. That's why I was never invited. I totally understand that. Except, this new guy of hers is a mutual friend of the same people my ex didn't want me to see. What was she lying about? What was she hiding?

 

Now, I have to do another small backtrack before the next part of this makes any sense. She broke up with me because she 'needed time to herself' and 'needed to know what it's like to be single'. I, naturally, had a hard time dealing with this but I managed to give us a really clean break. I took her out for coffee and we talked to make sure that we'd still be friends. Another thing that happened was she got too scared - she thought we got too deep too fast, which is my fault of course. Now, another key sentence out of her mouth before we broke up was, "I really just can't be in any kind of relationship right now."

 

She lied to me about that in the last couple of months and I completely saw through it. She even admits I saw through her lies.

 

3 days after she broke up, this 'guy' had already taken her out for dinner and a movie and planted one on her. When I found this out I was devastated. I realize she 'technically' did not cheat on me but she was dishonest with me about everything. So here's the thing, we agreed on a two-month NC. I tossed and turned last night because I knew that they were in the middle of date 2. I just can't believe she would do that to me.

 

So yes, I think she's letting it happen. She accepted the invitation to Date #2, so she was either just completely lying about needing space (which proves itself after on the day of date 2 saying, "I can't be in a relationship right now.") I also realize 1 or 2 dates does not constitute a full-fledged 'relationship'. Yes, but then there will be a third and a fourth. There's no sign she's going to stop it.

She's too confused to understand she's going against her own words. The number of times she's said, "I don't know what to do," explains that to me. I think she's in a complete rebound with this guy and is confused enough she's not going to get anywhere just because some 'guy' shows up. I mean what's the point? She's not going to get anywhere except hurting him too. Or worse, he could be aware and just be using her. I've been told, "He's a rebound that will most likely drop" I still think that is why a second-chance with us is still possible; but not until she's ready for a relationship.

 

I felt that waiting a mere three days was a bit much. It hurt me more than anything because it felt like she just dropped me and picked up him. So what am I supposed to think? How does her theory of 'finding herself' still apply? She hasn't even started yet. That's why it at least looks suspicious. Her original plan changed when he came into the picture, I'm not trying to deny that. She didn't want the time to herself anymore or something, since she'd met someone. She was hiding him even before we broke up.

 

Right now, I'm looking for two things. The first, is at least a chance at trying a relationship with her. But first, I have to be able to trust her again. She blatantly betrayed me. So I don't know what to do.

 

Today, she sent me an email:

 

 

I already know what you're thinking. I have to move on. Again, she isn't clear about what she wants - Even now. I really think she is clear that she doesn't want to resume a romantic relationship and realizes a friendship with me will be too hard for me, at least for now. I don't think it's about me entirely though.

 

So one last thing: At the same time why is she giving me hope? Why would she put into my head the idea that we could indeed be back together sometime after this NC is over? That's right, she did. We talked on the phone the night before. She was trying to explain a few points that she was not going to get deep with this guy. No sex, no relationship. Another point was that she had not betrayed me. Unfortunately, I do not believe that was the case (since the evidence is overwhelming.) But something else got to me. She told me she was starting to, "miss a lot of things we had together," in our relationship. Like how we cuddled up together. So maybe this guy could be good news? She very well could realize that I was the far better man. She went on to say, "I love you." I don't know whether or not to take that one in right now. By the way she was talking, I could feel that she – even now – wants that relationship back. But why would she have the nerve to say that? It's just going to throw me off if there is no chance. I know she loves me but is not in love with me. She also said, "I do not completely disagree with the idea [of a romantic relationship], but I truly do not think it could happen in two months. I am willing to try though."

 

 

I am willing to get over her. But I'm not giving up on my feelings for her. Not until I understand more of the situation. I'll start now but in 2-months I'm going to still try.

 

 

I guess I can't bet on this being the case eh?

 

I need some help dealing with the fact she wants to be with this guy. Even though she's the one who said, "No sex, no relationship," how am I supposed to trust her? Should I even be friends with her? I will say right now, if she sleeps with him, I will not be able to take it and just walk away. Her word doesn't mean very much after the dishonesty she's shown me. So what should I do? If she still wants to be friends, at the very least, why is she being so untrustworthy? I have two-months of NC. Is it possible even he could even be out of the picture by then? Is it possible she could build on the feelings she has for me (ie. What she was talking to me about on the phone?) We have never gone more than 3 days without total contact, so maybe she really could take me back. But I don't know how to decide if I trust her more than I want her back.

 

I blocked and deleted her from my MSN. I don't know if I can handle knowing about him or her whereabouts. Maybe it'll work to my benefit if she really loses all knowledge of my whereabouts. We both have a 2nd email address which we only have each other on – I kept that one. (It's not like she's actually going to use it for a while.)

 

One last thing: I realize I need to try and move on in two months. I don't need to have that stated a thousand times. We have a chance. She even knows it. But how do I approach it, to give her what SHE needs before she can take that chance with me? She said she doubts we can get back together in two-months but she's, "willing to try."

 

 

Thanks!

 

.: Midknight

 

PS: Thank god I saved this thing, I apologize to the Mods since I didn't intend on swearing.

[KrisStreetKin]

hey man, your story seems so similar to mine that it's scary. my girlfriend suggested that we break becasuse she thought we were getting too deep with our feelings (even though they were real feelings) and after splitting she seemed to move on very quickly to talking about other guys even though she said she didn't want to be in a relationship. i don't understand how she can have lost all her feeling for me even though the only thing that really changed is that we aren't together, we still talk and make plans to hang out. can you give me some input on this?